moving on emotionally

[monkhousebob]

when i had my first serious girlfriend my parents were nice to her face but nitpicked constantly about her behaviour and the fact she wasnt working, anyway now shes long gone nothing much has changed apart from they only have me to nitpick now. anyway, this ex moved on quick and now is working and buying a house with new fella.....my parents used to i think. think she wasnt good for me yet her biggest crime was not being career minded....its just making me think i might never find that again and that other people influencing me has left me single and lonely.......its ok for them theyve got what they want, but why arent i allowed a bit of happiness?? everytime i meet a girl am i going to be swayed by what other people think or say?? the irony is that my career path hit a dead end and so now i have similar job to ex but shes moved on with house n fella and im back at square 1. its like monopoly!!!

[Bathsheba]

Hey bob! Have you hooked up with Whitebear yet? :-)

[Velvetee]

You need to find a backbone then. Your parents, friends or whoever else, do not have to live with the person you choose to be your partner. Quite frankly, who you choose to have a relationship with, has nothing to do with anyone else.

As adults, we have to make our own choices in life and make and learn from our own mistakes. You need to be firm with your parents in future and tell them in polite terms, that your relationships are nothing to do with them.

Few parents actually believe anyone will be good enough for their child and probably will always have something negative to say. If you make it clear to them early on, that you will not tolerate nor listen to any negative comments, they are less likely to keep on at it.

I'm sorry to be so harsh, but this ex girlfriend of yours probably had a lucky escape. The relationship could never have been happy, when you allow people to influence your choices. It's unlikely you would have defended her against the criticism of others. Work on your own confidence and self esteem.

Also, there's no point living in the past and fantasising about what could have been. It didn't happen, so now you should look to the future, take control of your own life and make the things you want happen. People who sit back and wait for things to fall into their laps, rarely get anywhere in life.

[pmorris1961]

I agree with velvetee, why blame your parents for your own shortcomings, it was YOU that listened to what they were saying, it was YOU that allowed their opinions to shape your own and it was ultimately YOU that lost a woman who would clearly have made you very happy.

The only person in this world one is entitled to change is oneself and in this instance i would suggest a) thats where the buck stops and b) its where you need to work.........

stop being just a "poor me" victim and take control of your life

[monkhousebob]

i think some of this is very harsh, i did stick up for her loads even though in hindsight i was wearing rose tinted glasses and was blind to her faults. i do understand and take responsibility that everything that happens to me is down to me but i didnt think at the time that id still be single 3 years on. i just need to move past it and not let other peoples agendas trample on my own

[Azonic]

''i just need to move past it and not let other peoples agendas trample on my own''

You said it.

[jb190281]

How old are you bob? and do you live with your parents?

[monkhousebob]

i actually resent the poor me suggestion, i have had a lot of bad luck lately and instead of feeling sorry for myself dusted down and was back in work straight away....that side is ok its just im single and family keep asking when u gona find sum1 but part of me doesnt want to as it will prob just give them more gossip and ammunition, hope that makes sense

[terambulan]

Sounds like you've outgrown the nest...time you moved away from home and find your own place. Who knows what a new life will do for you, good luck.

[monkhousebob]

24 and with parents, did move out for a while but struggled financially so moved back....now im back working though maybe its worth thinking about again, altho when you get independence u think great i can meet women now....but sods law didnt meet anyone in a year

[jb190281]

you really want to meet someone dont you, not just parents pressure? i think when you stop looking, you will find them. ive lived on my own for 5 years (im 27), and i enjoy doing my own thing. dont look at it as your main goal in life, just think of it as a bonus if you meet someone. meet new friends, get hobbies etc. move out, stop letting your parents get to you. its harsh but it works x

[terambulan]

My son was like you....but at home at 33! He worked in an all male environment, doesn't drink so didn't meet many women. I got him occupied in the evenings with voluntary work in the local hospital.....best move....a nurse has whipped him off to live with her! Success, Hurrah! ;-))

[monkhousebob]

haha maybe thats the answer as ill now be working with more women. i think i need an older woman to snap me up as im not the most flirty and wouldnt realise som1 was interested