The end of the road for a relationship

[Col]

When should a marriage end?  I am having dificulties in marriage that have been hanging around for years and will never be resolved, in short I think we have both fallen out of love to the point where we both believe we should seperate for a while to see how we feel about things.  We have two kids but the differences seem unreconcilable.

[Alixw]

I don't think there is any real answer to your question as marriages aren't supposed to end. If and when they do, however, I think the only right time to do it is if you both know that that is the only way this situation can be worked out.

Obviously the children should be the main priority, and I think what is best for them should be the major factor in helping you to come to a decision over the outcome of your marriage. If you and your partner argue a lot and the children are witnessing this and being affected by it, it may be better for them that they see their parents as both happy individuals, rather than being together and being unhappy. They may not agree with that at first, but you have to think in the long run what is going to be best for them, and yourself!! You shouldn't stay with someone if you don't love them and can't see it working out!! You may even find that if you do separate, you miss what you want had and want a chance again to get it back.

I am by no means an expert on any of this but I hope it helps you a little. I've seen enough marriage break ups to know that a lot of the time separating and seeing what each other needs from the relationship was the best thing to do.

[andy hughes]

I would agree with all the points made by Alixw. Staying together ' for the sake of the children' was often used as a reason for couples to stay together, but this was often based on perceived predjudice and ecconomic necessity, both of which have happily ceased to be a major consideration.

A period of separation may help you both to assess the future - if any - for your relationship, the actual formal 'end' can be considered when you both know that it's an answer to your problems that best suits everyone involved.

[woofgang]

can you get some outside advice on this? Relate will help but I understand that they are pretty busy in some parts of the country, or maybe you could talk to your clergy person if that might help. The other thing is that you need to decide both of you what it is that you want, basically how much do you want to stay together. IMHO, having seen from the outside more breakups than I would like, the ones that appear to work out best for the children are the ones where the parents can stay polite, if not friendly ands continue to be partners as parents even though they are no longer married or live together. All of you have my thoughts and sympathy in ypur difficult situation

[Marvin84]

Col

I'm sorry to say this but, your marriage sounds like it has ended..... Don't worry too much about the kids, they are more resilient than you think.. just always let them know that you love them and BE there for them.... I hope you find some happiness soon!!

All the very best