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Thing1 just sent me this
15 Answers
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls.
I told the other half that I'd be home by midnight. I promised.
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3am, a bit loaded, I rolled in home.
Just as I got in, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my other half would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution. Even when totally smashed, 3 cuckoos, plus 9 cuckoos, equals 12 cuckoos, equals MIDNIGHT.
The next morning my other half asked me what time I got in. I told him 'MIDNIGHT'
He didn't seem p*ssed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said 'oh f**k' ... cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
I told the other half that I'd be home by midnight. I promised.
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3am, a bit loaded, I rolled in home.
Just as I got in, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my other half would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution. Even when totally smashed, 3 cuckoos, plus 9 cuckoos, equals 12 cuckoos, equals MIDNIGHT.
The next morning my other half asked me what time I got in. I told him 'MIDNIGHT'
He didn't seem p*ssed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said 'oh f**k' ... cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
Answers
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Love this one jj. Remember it was in a collection of jokes, mostly clean but clever, doing the e mail rounds a few years ago.
I gave my collection to my joke loving son, who tells me he threw it out!
Much of todays stuff is retold (not a problem if it's a good un like yours) or not worthy of a laugh.
My son text'd me on Sunday: One blonde says to 2nd blonde 'what's nearer - Florida or the Moon?' 2nd blonde puzzled so 1st says 'duh - can you see Florida?'
I gave my collection to my joke loving son, who tells me he threw it out!
Much of todays stuff is retold (not a problem if it's a good un like yours) or not worthy of a laugh.
My son text'd me on Sunday: One blonde says to 2nd blonde 'what's nearer - Florida or the Moon?' 2nd blonde puzzled so 1st says 'duh - can you see Florida?'
I got this one earlier today......
Proudly showing off her newly leased downtown apartment to a couple
of friends late one night, a fairly drunk female yuppie brunette led the
way to her bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall.
'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the friends asked.
'Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking clock' she replied.
'A talking clock - seriously?'
'Yup' '(hic).'
'How's it work?' the second friend asked, squinting at it.
'Just watssch' she said.
She picked up a hammer, gave the gong an 'ear-shattering bash' and
stepped back. Her mates stood looking at one another for a moment in
astounded silence.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed
'For f*#k's sake you stupid b * t c h, it's ten past three in the f*#king morning!!!'
Proudly showing off her newly leased downtown apartment to a couple
of friends late one night, a fairly drunk female yuppie brunette led the
way to her bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall.
'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the friends asked.
'Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking clock' she replied.
'A talking clock - seriously?'
'Yup' '(hic).'
'How's it work?' the second friend asked, squinting at it.
'Just watssch' she said.
She picked up a hammer, gave the gong an 'ear-shattering bash' and
stepped back. Her mates stood looking at one another for a moment in
astounded silence.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed
'For f*#k's sake you stupid b * t c h, it's ten past three in the f*#king morning!!!'
Three funny jokes thanks for cheering me up.
I got this one today.
Paddy's slippers!!!
Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says,
'Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?
No bother,' he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.
Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both.'
Fook off you liar one said!
I'll prove it,' Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs,
Both of them, Paddy?
Of course Murphy, what's the use of fookin' one?'
I got this one today.
Paddy's slippers!!!
Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says,
'Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?
No bother,' he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.
Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both.'
Fook off you liar one said!
I'll prove it,' Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs,
Both of them, Paddy?
Of course Murphy, what's the use of fookin' one?'
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