I like this joke
A man is sitting in the waiting room of his doctors thouroughly dejected cos he's got 2 black eyes, the next thing another man walks in with 2 black eyes, so he calls him over "what are the odds of that? 2 blokes in the same doctors with 2 black eyes, how'd you get yours?"
"Oh you'll laugh" says the second man "just a slip of the tongue, I was in the travel agents with the wife and walked up to the counter and the lady on the desk had a cracking pair of b00bs, now what I meant to say was can I have 2 tickets to Pittsburgh, but what I actually said was, I'd love to go to t1tsburgh.
Well the girl went balistic and punched me in the face! I turned to my wife and she punched me in the face! What could I do? Slip of the tongue, so what happened to you?"
"Oh well" says the first man "you'll laugh, like you, slip of the tongue. I was lying in bed and the wife had just got up and what I meant to say was hey love any chance of a cup of tea and some cornflakes for breakfast?
But what I actually said was, do you know since I married you lazy fat..."