Scared

[buzybee]

I've been slowely gaining weight for past 5 years since first child was born. Last year i went to hospital as me and partner were having trouble getting pregnant but i knew what the doc was going to say before i even went. After weeks of tests i was told it was my weight that was stopping me from having another baby. too much of one hormone not enough of another they told me. This was back in september 08. they said to come back in march this year for check up and to see if ive lost any weight since. well i havent. infact im now at my heaviest ive ever been 18 stone. I eat nothing but takeaways. Im depressed, have headaches 24/7, cant smell or taste anything my skin is bad, my hair is greasy i feel sick all the time my neck is stiff my eyes hurt and are always red. in the past few days if not been able to go outside the door. i feel useless! I havent been intimate with my partner in 2 months as we've had some really bad arguments in the past few weeks. he's trying to help me but i dont want him to. i cant sleep at nite then i cant get out of bed in the morning. im scared so so scared. i dont want to be like this but im afraid im slowly killing myself.
Ive not been able to tell anyone else in my family or friends i just put on a brave face when i see them then when there gone im just back to the way i was. they'd probably think im going crazy anyway.

[smudge742]

Hi Buzybee
First of all I want to say 'well done' for talking to someone! You have taken the first steps. You aren't going crazy and I totally understand how you are feeling. I am overweight and have decided to lose as much as I can this year mainly due to the fact that I am getting married in December. My fiance and I had a son in Feb 07 and I nearly died, I was overweight then (although not as much as now) and this was a contributory factor. I had eclampsia and my consultant said it will be dangerous to have another baby if I don't lose weight. I have been very down, and everytime someone mentions my weight I smile...brush it off...and then go home and eat! Have you spoken to your GP about this? I have a therapist, helping me get over a past abusive relationship, and I hope that this will help reduce the comfort eating. I know I am rambling but I hope I am making sense.
I want to help you if I can as I do know how you feel. If you like, we could exchange emails and maybe support each other through good and bad patches. Let me know what you think. Having someone to rant to might help, plus if its someone outside your family, it might be easier. Hope to hear from you soon. Please take care of yourself. x

[tigwig]

It sounds like you may be depressed and need help from your doctor. Please go and see him/her they will be able to help you. They will also point you in the right direction for healthy eating and exercising which you need to do. This requires motivation which you clearly don't have and won't have unless you get help.
Let your partner help and support you as well and put the baby plans on hold until you are feeling more positive. The help is out there and only you can make the decision to go and get it. Please do this for the sake of your own health, your first child and your family.

[sara3]

firstly, you have friends and family, and that's more than some people have. you have a partner and child and again, more than some.

for some reason you've hit the self destruct button when you have so much to be grateful for. and you have every incentive to lose weight and get healthy.

go and see your GP and tell them everything, not just about your weight. you need professional support to overcome this, but lean on your friends and family too. they probably suspect there are problems but are just waiting for you to reach out..

best of luck x

[cassa333]

I know it can be hard when you have difficulty in getting pregnant especialy when they just put it down to being over weight.

You need a weightloss boost. Ask your gp for Orlistat. It stops the fat from your food from being absorbed and will help with your poor diet.

However, (and believe me I have been EXACTLY where you are now), you need to snap out of it. Unless you can afford ��� on either fertility treatment (that may not work) or a stomach band then you are going to have to bite the bullet and get yourself motivated. No one else can do this for you.

Sit down with your partner and tell him how freightened you are and that you need help. Enlist the help of your family and friends to keep you on the straight and narrow, join weightwatchers or slimming world or whatever and if you have one Curves (it is more gental that a regular gym and is not so intimidating for the beginer).

At the end of the day only YOU can get started and only YOU can make things happen.

Good luck

[Buenchico]

(2-part post):

Start by giving yourself a great big pat on the back. 'Getting things back together again' will have to be a step-by-step process. (If you aim too high to start with, you'll be almost certain to fail. Just do one thing at a time). However, you've already taken the first, really big, two steps. Firstly, you've admitted to yourself that you've got a problem. Secondly, you've posted here to try to get some help. Many people don't get as far as that, so YOU'VE ALREADY STARTED YOUR RECOVERY PROCESS. BE PROUD OF YOURSELF!!!

Now that you've admitted to yourself that you've got a problem, it's time to face up to the next big hurdle. That's accepting that your unlikely to be able to get on top of that problem without some professional help. When you can force yourself to recognise that you need to visit your doctor, the only question left will be 'when will you have the courage to do it?'. I suspect that, deep down, you already know that you'll eventually see your doctor. Now you need to tell yourself that, if you can express your feelings here on AB, there's no reason why you can't express them to your doctor. So summon up all of your courage and make that appointment.

[Buenchico]

Your doctor will probably prescribe a short course of anti-depressants. (With a bit of luck he might suggest a course of cognitive behavioural therapy as well). Anti-depressants won't, in themselves, solve your problem. However they should improve your sleep patterns and help you focus on the task ahead of you. Then you need to set yourself small, achievable targets for each day. (Write them down and don't 'aim too high'. Keep things simple and work step by step). e.g. "Monday: I'll cook a meal, rather than getting a takeaway. (Again, keep it simple. Don't aim to produce some fantastic dish; you'll never achieve it. Cheese on toast will do!). Tuesday: I'll walk into town, rather than taking a bus or the car. (Increased exercise not only helps with weight loss; it also helps lift depression).

Those are a few starting points. Your doctor will be able to provide much better advice. Lastly, though, start telling yourself that you're NORMAL. Most people get flu at some time in their lives. Most people have food poisoning at some time in their lives. Most people also suffer from clinical depression at some time in their lives. It's simply an illness which, like most other illnesses, can be cured. YOU' RE NOT 'MAD'!. YOU'RE NORMAL! ;-)

Chris

[Eve]

To add to everything said above, I joined Weightwatchers a few days ago and went to my first meeting on Tuesday.

I was so nervous about the meeting and dubious about the content but really enjoyed it and it makes you realise just how many people are the same.

It's a really good system as you get your points value and can eat whatever you want provided you don't go over your points total for the day.

I worried I'd be starving but there are so many things you can eat which have so little or no points you can actually eat quite a bit as long as you eat right.

It really makes you think about what you are eating though in a positive way as you start to realise about things like portion size and eating better more filling foods.

You also get extra points with more activity.

I see it as a guide to a healthier lifestyle rather than a mad crash diet which just makes you miserable and more often than not ends up in all the weight going back on again.

Treats seem more like treats as well :)

It could also be a way of meeting likeminded people in the same boat and making some new friends and getting some good support.

[chinadog]

All sound advice there. One thing I would like to add. Todays anti depressants such as Seroxat,Sertraline, Efexor etc all actually cause weight gain so busybee when you see your doc and if you feel you need anti depressants ask for one of the old Tc's such as Lofepramine. Good luck with everything.

[mifta]

Hi buzybee

What great advice everyone has given. Please take note of all of this. I fortunately, did manage to have children but I have been obese for all of my life and at my heaviest was 23 stone. I have now lost 4 stone, with weightwatchers, and I can't tell you, how it has changed my life. I know I still have a long way to go but have recently been able to come off my antidepressants. Please try and gain strength to speak to your GP and take the brave step of walking into a weightwatchers meeting, you will get so much support. If you use WW online you can use the chatrooms to talk to other people about all sorts, not just weight loss and this may help.

Big hug!

[puzzled54]

See how many people care about you that don't even know you - your friends and family will support you if they know you want help. I agree with the other posts, see your doc, join weightwatchers and think about that 5 year old of yours - you don't want him to grow up on takeaways with an unhappy mum. And keep us updated, we all want you to suceed.

[wilkays]

going crazy????? NOOOOOOOOOO way i dont think so that should be yo break point mingle with yo family more and most IMPOTANTLY GO SEE YO GP . Yu are lucky to have a hubby who is very supportive some are not very luky .Involve him in yo life and be glad he is there 4 yu. Go join the gym or take walks with him do yo things together with him if he is interested. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

[Velvetee]

If no one else has asked, do you by any chance have PCOS?

[buzybee]

to each and everyone of you.... thank you :' )

Im going to make an appointment with my GP asap & my partner is going to come with me. You dont know how much all your kind words of encouragement have given me that little boost. I will surely keep u posted.

Again, thanks!

:)

[buzybee]

Velvetee in answer to your question about PCOS the doctor thought thats what i had at first as i had all the symptoms and i was sent for a scan to check for cysts but the results came back clear.