how do i approach this?

[gbradfield]

All my family are heavy smokers and i mean ALL, however me and my partner is not. We have two children, one still a baby of 10 months and one whos 9. We have an issue of people smoking around them when wer go to visit, even though we have no right to go into there homes and tell what do and not to do we do feel that they should at least refrain from doing it when the children are around for health reasons. My partner refuses to go now however i feel its my duty to keep the contact going especially with my grandparents who are housebound, however we are always confronted with this issue. My children always end up smelling of smoke which has resulted in us not going up half as much now. I know im hurting my reletives when i dont take the kids but i feel stuck in between my partner and them. My partner just thinks i should stop going all together and we argue everytime i come back from there. i have spoke to my grandmother about it but she has the attitude of 'you take us as you see us' and 'it never done my kids any harm'. Has anyone else has this problem? any suggestions on what i should do or say?

[theonlyone]

Can you meet them up in a smoke free
zone ? as in a social club ,cafe ?

[chrissa1]

Oh Dear. I'm a smoker but I wouldn't dream of lighting up in the same room as my baby grandaughter. It is not good for young children and I know that we all did it when we were younger, but times and thoughts have changed.

If your family want to persist in smoking when the children visit, then I would stop taking them unless you feel that you could ask them not to smoke while you're there. ANYBODY, can desist from smoking for an hour or so. I take it your family doesn't visit shops, travel by train, bus or plane because they can't do without a "fag" for a while?!?!

[gbradfield]

my grandparents house is the main place all the family get together, some relitives will go to another room to smoke if the kids are there but there are some whos attitude to it is that its my problem and not theres. my grandmother in particular is one of these people, she's very submisive and has a very laid back attitude to it. its her moto that you take her as you find her. She does find it difficult to walk cause she is riddled with arthritis so i understand that she cant just get up and smoke elsewhere. But i find it soo frustrating when she does when the kids are there. i dont want to stop takin the kids up to see her cause i know that would break her heart, but she is so stubborn that i dont think she will change

[tufty7]

We as a couple had this problem 16 years ago with my Mum and Dad when we visited them , it got to the point i said Look we will not be coming again due to the damage it could be causing to your grand child, You will have to come to our house and see him , this was a rite kick up the jacksy for them both and they took it upon themselves to get help to stop and they did both stop smoknig , it not only perhaps lengthened ther lives and saved them loads of money , they don't smell, which if you are smoker you certainly do , I am sorry to say .... ;-(

[flip_flop]

Your partner is right.

Personally, I'm surprised he allows you to take the kids to an atmosphere that is cloaked in smoke, because there is no way I would allow it.

What's more important - your sense of duty or the health of your kids?

Bit of a no-brainer really!

[theonlyone]

I don't smoke but a friend is a heavy smoker
and when I go to her place.. i'm not there long
but come out stinking of smoke ..so children in
a smoke filled enviroment will be passive smokers ..
Ok for the oldies as they have smoked and now on
the way out ...not for the little ones , as they have a
choice ...but it's down to you to decide as the
parents what's best for them ?

[zzxxee]

invite them to your home instead say its a smoke free zone and if they want a fag to go in the garden... however if you go to someones home and they smoke in their own house there is not a lot you can do its their bricks and mortar after all

[Vics128]

I have the same problem with my mother so I know how you feel. She doesnt see the prob with smoking around my kids. My husband smokes as well, but he wouldnt even consider lighting up inside at all. I told my mum we wouldnt take the kids to see her if she didnt stop, and she has got a lot better, although her house stinks so much, we all come out of it smelling like ashtrays!
The worst of it is though, both my kids have breathing problems, my eldest (3) has been diagnosed with asthma. Iv never smoked, and never put my children in smokey environments. My mum on the other hand, smoked her way through her pregnancy with me, smoked all through my child hood, and I dont have any chest problems at all!! It just makes it very hard to make her see.. and she brings this point up every time we visit!!
Sorry I cant be of help though!

[coccinelle]

Next time you go put those paper surgery masks on the kids, your family might take the hint!! At least, you'll all have a laugh!

[gbradfield]

lol thanks i just might do that!