ChatterBank5 mins ago
Should I say something, and if so, what?
34 Answers
I've been single for about 3 years due to my job moving me around the world so much, but am now back in the country, and have recently met a new woman.
We've been out together about a dozen or so times now and I think she's absolutely great, she says she thinks the same about me and we get on amazingly well.
Except there is one thing about her that is really starting to bother me and getting me a little worried:
Not once on any of our dates has she offered to pay for anything or even got close to getting her purse out. Over and above that she doesn't even say thank you.
An example of it happened a couple of nights ago. We had a great evening walking through the city, window shopping, went to a great Italian, had a great meal and when the bill came, she didn't make an attempt or even say anything, so I payed (no problem there) and there wasn't even a "thank you".
Exactly the same happens whenever we just go for a drink � we walk to the bar, we order, I end up paying �. and still no thank you.
I'm not major wealthy or anything, but not doing too bad either. I probably wouldn't even let her pay, but manners, courtesy and etiquette cost nothing.
My worry is that she has admitted to manipulating men in the past (years ago) and using them to get what she wanted.
My friends say I should get out, but other than this I really like her � any thoughts? Or if I should say something, how to do it?
Thanks!
We've been out together about a dozen or so times now and I think she's absolutely great, she says she thinks the same about me and we get on amazingly well.
Except there is one thing about her that is really starting to bother me and getting me a little worried:
Not once on any of our dates has she offered to pay for anything or even got close to getting her purse out. Over and above that she doesn't even say thank you.
An example of it happened a couple of nights ago. We had a great evening walking through the city, window shopping, went to a great Italian, had a great meal and when the bill came, she didn't make an attempt or even say anything, so I payed (no problem there) and there wasn't even a "thank you".
Exactly the same happens whenever we just go for a drink � we walk to the bar, we order, I end up paying �. and still no thank you.
I'm not major wealthy or anything, but not doing too bad either. I probably wouldn't even let her pay, but manners, courtesy and etiquette cost nothing.
My worry is that she has admitted to manipulating men in the past (years ago) and using them to get what she wanted.
My friends say I should get out, but other than this I really like her � any thoughts? Or if I should say something, how to do it?
Thanks!
Answers
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I am sorry I cannot really tell you how to deal with it but I just have to say I agree with others. I have been out on dates and of course you dont want to make a huge fuss when the bill comes but would always offer. Went for drinks with a guy and he was not wanting to let me pay so next time I went to the toilet I just went to the bar on the way back etc. An ex I was with way back refused to let me pay for meals so I would buy him little gifts etc and of course always said thank you. It is easier to say 'get your round in' when in a group of friends than in this situation so as I say don't know how best you can deal with it. If she is struggling with money surely she would say 'lets not go out tonight because I cant have you paying all the time' or perhaps if she was suggesting somewhere you could make out you have a large expense on for something and feel you should not be spending til next week or something, perhaps she may say 'let me treat you'. I know you are saying you really like her but is this really the type of person you want to be with? Good luck.
I agree with what everyone else is saying. OK, she may not have too much spare cash, but the sheer discourtesy in not saying thank you should ring massive alarm bells. It's as if she EXPECTS to be treated like this. If she is this demanding at this stage, imagine what she is going to be like in a year's time!!!
I would never dream of not offering to pay half (or take it in turns for drinks). Mind you, I got a bit annoyed recently with someone I was seeing - we went out to a concert (I had bought the tickets), I drove (so not drinking), I paid my half of dinner (although he drank all the wine) and the ungrateful sod didn't even offer petrol money or say "thanks". That was the final straw!
Fancy a date?!
I would never dream of not offering to pay half (or take it in turns for drinks). Mind you, I got a bit annoyed recently with someone I was seeing - we went out to a concert (I had bought the tickets), I drove (so not drinking), I paid my half of dinner (although he drank all the wine) and the ungrateful sod didn't even offer petrol money or say "thanks". That was the final straw!
Fancy a date?!
Wringing an apology or thanks out of someone is not worth having. I find meanness less irritating than failure to say thank you, please and sorry.
If you find lack of such simple courtesies is unacceptable, I think you will come to resent her more as time passes. Pull the plug
Don't want to be offensive, but bluntly, does she pay 'in kind'?
.
If you find lack of such simple courtesies is unacceptable, I think you will come to resent her more as time passes. Pull the plug
Don't want to be offensive, but bluntly, does she pay 'in kind'?
.
Hi all,
Once again hanks for all advice � and again you seem to be saying all the same!!
I have decided to meet up with her this Friday and see how it goes. I'll be very guarded about my feelings though and will wait to see if she offers to buy a drink or even says thank you etc.
If nothing, then I'll just say my goodbye at the end of the evening and that will be that. Hopefully she will see what she's missed out on � but I doubt it!
However, I do work for the UN and Friday I'm on parade, so twill be the first time she will of seen me in uniform �.. most girls love the a guy in uniform??!!
But just to answer some of your replies::
Tatu: - Thanks for saying I sound like a nice guy, but why am I so luck?!
jd_here: - Sorry to hear about your niece � maybe we should both meet and console each other?!
Segilla: - We've had some great and very close moments, but no � not yet slept together!
And
Barmaid: - From all you've written, you sound great and at least now we know we think along the same lines and feel similar about stuff (ha-ha) you sound great though, so stay in touch and who knows what!!
Once again, thank you to you all for the time, effort and interest you have put into my question � I promise to keep you all in touch and stay on this posting on Saturday to let you all know how it goes � hope you'll all log in to see??!!
Thanks again
Matt
Once again hanks for all advice � and again you seem to be saying all the same!!
I have decided to meet up with her this Friday and see how it goes. I'll be very guarded about my feelings though and will wait to see if she offers to buy a drink or even says thank you etc.
If nothing, then I'll just say my goodbye at the end of the evening and that will be that. Hopefully she will see what she's missed out on � but I doubt it!
However, I do work for the UN and Friday I'm on parade, so twill be the first time she will of seen me in uniform �.. most girls love the a guy in uniform??!!
But just to answer some of your replies::
Tatu: - Thanks for saying I sound like a nice guy, but why am I so luck?!
jd_here: - Sorry to hear about your niece � maybe we should both meet and console each other?!
Segilla: - We've had some great and very close moments, but no � not yet slept together!
And
Barmaid: - From all you've written, you sound great and at least now we know we think along the same lines and feel similar about stuff (ha-ha) you sound great though, so stay in touch and who knows what!!
Once again, thank you to you all for the time, effort and interest you have put into my question � I promise to keep you all in touch and stay on this posting on Saturday to let you all know how it goes � hope you'll all log in to see??!!
Thanks again
Matt
Corrrrrrr - bet you never thought you'd end up with so much more than advice lol.
As for most girls love a guy in uniform - yep, you'll get her on that one but wonder if you'd get the same response if it was anything other than a Serviceman's uniform with bulled boots:)
You know in your heart how you should deal with this lady - all your friends and AB users can't be wrong. Best of luck:)
As for most girls love a guy in uniform - yep, you'll get her on that one but wonder if you'd get the same response if it was anything other than a Serviceman's uniform with bulled boots:)
You know in your heart how you should deal with this lady - all your friends and AB users can't be wrong. Best of luck:)
sorry hun she isnt likely to change and if she is admitting to you what she used to be like its because she is manipulating you already so you start to think she has changed because of course why would she tell you about that if she was going to do the same to you when really she is already doing it and it has worked because you are questioning the fact that your best option would be to get out but you like her..... shes good ill give her that. i cannot abide women who assume a man should pay for everything and without the decency of manners!
I've had this but with men as I am female.
I think it should be 50/50 and now if I go out with someone and they expect me to pay I bin them off straight away.
I can't afford to do this but there seems to be a culture of people who seem quite happy to sponge off others.
I think you need to say something or end the relationship.
I could never just sit there and openingly let someone pay
I think it should be 50/50 and now if I go out with someone and they expect me to pay I bin them off straight away.
I can't afford to do this but there seems to be a culture of people who seem quite happy to sponge off others.
I think you need to say something or end the relationship.
I could never just sit there and openingly let someone pay
Hi Marzipan,
Just in case your still interested, this is the link to it:
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Q uestion666852.html
Matt
xx
Just in case your still interested, this is the link to it:
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Q uestion666852.html
Matt
xx
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