How do you make a guy fall for u when he is still wounded from his previous relationship?

[selinamc]

This guy i like is unsure of whether or not he wants to be in anotherrelationship because of things repeating what happned with his ex 2 years ago. she cheated on him and falsly accused him of rape, dropping the charges the next day.
Instead of me wasting time being friends and hoping it will develop do you think he will ever get over this past relationship and move on.

[jno]

you can never make a guy fall for you, outside of Hollywood. Be there for him, sympathise with him, show him you're a nice person. Being friends is never 'wasting time' especially when someone is hurt.

[sn�gged]

Gun to his head?

Seriously, if you think being friends with him is 'wasting time' you need to think about what you really want.

[Ice.Maiden]

Agree with jno. Some friendships can be better than a marriage, and if someone has a loyal and supportive friend, who knows what might develop later? Once bitten twice shy NEEDN'T be the order of the day, but it depends on how long you're prepared to wait.

[selinamc]

yeh exactly friendships are not a waste of time i know as as u sed ice maiden, depends how long ud wait. i cant expect anything more because i could be setting myself up for disspointment expecting too much if he didnt feel the same way.

[Ice.Maiden]

I see what you're saying hun, but I think you'll KNOW if he feels the same way. he'll have little ways of letting you into his life.

[pastafreak]

If you really care about him...you will give him lots of time.Everyone 'gets over' hurt differently,and it can't be rushed. It is up to you whether or not you want to invest the time or not. Are you in a rush?..if not-then just enjoy what you do have. Friendship is not to be sneezed at..it is what all good relationships should be based on. Then you know that person is reliable ,and there for you.

[Ice.Maiden]

Very good advice pasta, and I agree with you.
Don't try and rush things selinamc. Let this guy get to know you. Listen to him, and don't criticise his ex.
If you're patient, and show this person that you're supporting him - well......best of luck to you. x

[mydogsandme]

I'm in the same situation except it's a marriage break-up that happened to him. Some people-as he says-just shut down inside and become cold,it's the only way to survive. Just try not to push for something he's not ready for-I'm learning this. eventually you may need to move on but I hope you find happiness.

[beso]

Be a real friend. And be patient.

[Yvaines]

I was in a relationship like that once - I really felt second best for ages with my fella's ex ringing him for advice (her life was going pear-shaped after the split) and texting and stuff. He never lied about the contact or anything like that but I kept my distance, emotionally, because I could see that it was unfinished business in his mind. They weren't angling to get back together but he was still bitter and wanting answers as to why she had finished it.

We got on well so we maintained the relationship we had - no real commitment on anyone's part, as much as I wanted it to change. It came to a head one day when I noticed him reading a text and I saw "meet you" in it - it was from her. I just asked him to be honest with himself about what he wanted and whether I was part of that equation - then I left.

I think because we had been together several months at that point he suddenly realised what he had to lose - a fresh start. Or he could spend the rest of his life waiting for someone who couldn't make her own mind up.

Is he worth the wait? That's what someone asked me.

[Yvaines09]

I was in a similar relationship (less the rape thing) with a guy whose ex cheated on him and stuff. I don't really think he was over it when we met and there was still a lot of contact betwen them with him maintaining he was there for her as a friend.

After about four months I just told him that I'd been hurt in relationships before but had put it behind me. I said there obviously wasn't any place for me in his life whilst he still had feelings. And I left.

He spent days trying to contact me - a case of not realising what he had until it was gone - and even to the end we never heard from her or about her again. He severed all ties.