Scared to be myself around people

[angel21]

I'm ok with family but other people I am scared of being myself and will hold back on saying things and also act differently with each individual person so I don't come across very genuine. It's driving me mad that I can't just be me! help!

[Ice.Maiden]

Hi angel. It just sounds as though you're lacking in confidence a bit. Learn to be a good listener before you make comments in front of people, and just relax. Nobody's going to chastise you for being yourself, but it might be a good thing that you can "mix in" with a variety of different personalities. Never be afraid to voice your own opinions - but not in an aggressive way. It doesn't matter if others think you're wrong. If you're genuinely friendly and show interest in others, you'll find that you'll start to feel at ease with them, and then your natural self'll shine through.

[angel21]

I wish I was more confident and able to be myself. Trouble is at work the people must be used to me being a passive and quiet person for 4 years and now I don't feel I can suddenly change as they will think I have been living a lie and not being myself which would be true but I dont' want them to know that.

[1984doherty]

I wouldn't worry about it angel. I;ve had a discussion about this before.

You're always going to act a bit differently around different people in different situations.

I wouldn't talk to my boss the same way i'd talk to my girlfriend and i wouldn't want to! At the end of the day, not everyone feels comfortable around everyone.

People might seem like they're the same with everyone else but deep down they're not.

Compare 2 scenarios.

Being in a club with all your mates.

Being at your boyfriends grandma's house having dinner with family you've never met before.

Are you saying you'd act exactly the same? Of course not.
Imagine you're a complete loud mouth with very bad taste in jokes. Would you still be mouthing off at that dinner table with the thought of "well this is me, if they don't like it they can lump it". I wouldn't because in some situations it just doesn't work like that.

So my advice is to try not to worry about it so much, be yourself with new people but don't force yourself to say things (that you might usually do with friends/family) unless you're comfortable about doing so.

[silverlace]

Are you very young angel? You just need some confidence in yourself. Life is too short to worry too much about what people think of you. As long as you are pleasant and respectful to everyone you speak to, you can't really go wrong. Learn to love yourself.

[jno]

everyone acts differently with different people, that's not odd at all. And everyone changes a bit with time too. You don't have to suddenly become a new person, but if you do want to come out of your shell a bit more, just do it one step at a time. Join in the odd conversation; or ask someone how their holiday was or what they think of Lost. Start by listening more than talking, as Ice suggests. (Nothing impresses people more than the thought that someone is listening to them!) In another year you could be a completely different person without anyone actually realising how you'd changed.

I'd also say, actually, don't worry, the world is full of quiet types and nobody respects them any the less, it's not something disgraceful to be. But you seem unhappy about it, so in that case it's worth trying to change... but gradually.

[craft1948]

I love your postings Angel - you're just so..............angelic?

[Velvetee]

I agree with Jno, we do act differently around different people. You wouldn't speak to a client on the phone, the way you'd speak to a close friend.

I am very different at work, to how I am at home. I like to maintain some distance I suppose and feel it;s necessary to watch what I say around colleagues and clients alike. I think you can generally judge how open you can be with certain individuals and what you can and can't say. Everyone is different.