Teenage fantasies

[chelsea_girl]

I have a 16 year old daughter, who is in her final and most important year in school. Like all teenage girls, she is obsessed with a pop band. Nothing new there, and no harm done. Til she added people to her MSN claiming to be these particular two artists from the band, and have basically turned her upside down, given her empty promises, etc. She's been invited over to America, paid for by them, for a party. They sent her a pic which they'd apparently just taken, but when I asked for one, of this so called popstar, holding piece of paper, with date, time and my daughter's name on it, it's not forthcoming. I am not sure which is the better option....softly softly, or just heavy handed, banned from pc, approach. Help please.

[NicM123]

Is she a young 16? Does she realise that these "popstars" are just random people posing as them? Have you told her this?

I don't think banning her from the computer will help her understand. Just try explaining that there's no point in her being upset about their lack of delivering promises of trips, parties etc... & to be as naive to think popstars spend their nights chatting to girls on MSN. Abit of realisation me thinks. Good luck x

[joko]

yeh you just need to spell out the likelihood of this being genuine...why would they offer to pay for her tarvel to the us? why want 16 year old there? why want a stranger there?
if they are real they can get girls locally, just as pretty etc as her...

tell her unless they prove it to take all they say with a pinch of salt

do not try to ban her...she will just go behind your back at a friends house - i would have if my parents did that to me an i believed the man of my dreams was there waiting for me..

the only way is to educate her and to use logic..she has to see for herself

last thing you want is her running off in secret to meet these people....

[chelsea_girl]

Thank you, will sit and explain things to her.

Have decided to only allow her on the PC when I'm around. She received the picture of this artiste holding the paper, but it seems to be photo shopped. I'm standing my ground when I say no, but I'm also giving her time on there, but limiting it, and only when I'm around. She was discovered by her father, still on the internet at 2am this morning. So I've had to stop that, but don't want to totally cut off her internet access.

[tequilamock]

I honestly don't think the 'send me a photo holding a peice of paper with date/time/name' thing on is helpful... This is feeding a fantasy and making it seem quite exciting and dramatic. You need to take control of this. Write to the popstar's agent, explaining the situation, and asking for a letter from the agent confirming that this popstar would not get involved with this type of correspondence. This needs to be nipped in the bud now. Don't tell your daughter you are writing to the agent, as this may seem exciting or intrusive to her. Also, if she has internet access in her room (and I am assuming she does as she was on it at 2am), it needs to be removed from her room and put in a family area, where you can see, at all times, what she is doing and who is speaking with her. You need to explain to her that it's not that you don't trust HER. Also, there are some good sites out there to encourage young people how to be safe and responsible on line. There are also plenty of stories of younf people who have been duped. You don't want to scare her, but at 16, if she thought that the least that was happening was a couple of young lads were having a laugh at her expense, I suspect that may be enough to snap her out of it.

[chelsea_girl]

Thanks.

No, she doesn't have internet in her room, she went downstairs when I'd fallen asleep and switched it on.

I asked for a picture, not to excite or make out i believe it, but for them to prove it to me. Having said that, I do not believe the picture I have viewed, so will be contacting agent along with recording company, and a suitable official website. These particular stars should be busy during the times they're on the pc to her.

Anyway, thanks for the advice, I will be pursuing the lines I've said, and won't rest until i have answers that I trust.