Need help?

[confused123]

I was in a relationship for 6 months. Was going really well, she said she loved me and miss me when I wasn't around. I also felt the same way, we plans for the next 12 months talked about moving in together, holidays and stuff, she hated me not being there.

She as been living on her own for the past 9 years or so and very independent person, good job, and own house, no kids and never been married.

I on the other hand have been married and going thru a divorce and have two children.

Then out of the blue she wanted to end things saying she needed more butterfiles? and more wow feeling....even tho saying the day before she loved me and needed me with her?. I am very confused as she as turn very cold and acting as if we never happened?

I used to work aboard in the U.A.E had really good job and well paid. She came out to visit as we used to work together in the UK, and hit it off right away. I decided to come back to the UK as she wanted us together and the long distance thing would not work.

Can anyone help or been have thru the same situation? Shed some light on reason for this behaviour.

[ummmm]

May be she's panicking.

Or the novelty might have worn off now she knows she's 'got' you.

[confused123]

The change in her was too sudden within a week? we both talked everyday and about our feelings. You could hear the excitement in her voice every time we spoke?

Now its like the shutters and have come up and cannot get in and switched everything off?

[stay-calm]

People change their minds all the time, men & women, but the fact that you have took the effort to start this post means that you are still in love with this girl and need to figure out why she has switched off her feeling towards you. Maybe if do get the answers then you may find a way to close this part of your life and move on.

Time is a healer & you will wake up one day & the whole episode will not matter any more. Get out & enjoy yourself.

[Velvetee]

Sounds like she has an immature outlook on what love is. more Butterflies for goodness sake!

I really don't know why she would behave like this, could be lots of things. Maybe after years of living alone she is afraid of the committment. Maybe she feels financially you will not be compatible after your divorce, maybe she doesn't like the idea of having to interact with your children.

The only thing you can do is ask her, but you may not get an honest answer.

[lil123]

Sometimes what we think we want when presented to us turns out to be what we don't want at all.
Maybe she had been thinking about a long time before she made her mind up.
There is someone who is right for you out there.

[beso]

Interesting isn't it. If you were a woman writing the same here about a man the answers would be very different.

He would be acused of meeting someone else, going back to his wife, being a player etc etc.

But she is just panicking, immature or changing her mind.

Such is the depth of sexism that persists in our society.

[justconfused]

i think this is a really hard thing to answer and to be honest i have been through something very similar and i was married to the man for twelve years!!!

i actually think that something has scared her - she may or may not have been doubting something in her mind for a while but couldnt talk about it but i agree why go on making plans etc when she felt bad about something.

tis true the only way you are gonna know for sure is ask her but the problem with that is that whatever she has to hide or keep guarded is probably more important to her especially if she couldnt talk about it in the first place in which case its gonna be very hard to know if she is telling the whole truth.

i stil have no full answer = i wondered if i could ask you how long it has been since you split and how she reacts to you know and how much contact you have had?>

[happyone2]

How fascintating beso, and a very good point.

I think we all, men and women, say what we think the other person wants to hear, or possibly what we want to hear back.................. we say it in the hope that it is true and then get in too deep.

All the time you worked abroad, she could tell you she loved you etc etc, she was safe - it could never become anything more cos you were along way away.

then you both got into the conversation about you coming back and perhaps she thought that it didnt matter cos you proabably never would come back, so she could go on feeling all these feelings cos u were still at a distance.

Then suddenly one day, she woke up and found that actually you were going to come back and did want more, and thats when she realised that she didnt....................that she needed to put you off ( if you look back did she become a little more distant etc before this )

and this is how she has done it.......

i would hazard a guess there isnt anyone else, because even after 9 years, shes just not ready - possibly may never be..........who knows.......................... the shame is instead of being kind and explained that she had made a mistake she has chosen to do it in a hurtful way

But there again most people, men and women do !!!

She not ready, thats got nothing to do with you, it doesnt stop you being a lovely person who deserves to be loved, it just means SHE NOT THE ONE................

Keep searching, shes out there somewhere !!