ChatterBank11 mins ago
Controlled crying help!!
Right, my son will not go into his cot to go to sleep of a night. This mainly my fault allowing him to fall asleep with me on my bed. Mainly due to a little guilt when I went back to work and this is "our time" together as I only get 2 hrs a night with him.
Tonight Im going to try this CONTROLLED CRYING technique. Can someone just run me through what they have done and if successful - how long do I put up with it through the night ... do I give in if he makes himself sick .... when he stands up, do I go back in and put him down. Should I maybe play gentle music in the background so he starts to associate certain tunes to going to bed.
I really am desperate!!
Tonight Im going to try this CONTROLLED CRYING technique. Can someone just run me through what they have done and if successful - how long do I put up with it through the night ... do I give in if he makes himself sick .... when he stands up, do I go back in and put him down. Should I maybe play gentle music in the background so he starts to associate certain tunes to going to bed.
I really am desperate!!
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I know it will be tough as we have just managed to crack the controlled crying with my 11 month old. Boy was it hard!
A really good website I used was: http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Parenting -Skills/-/Routine-and-Teamwork/Controlled-Cryi ng.aspx
The forum linked to the controlled crying is helpful too.
The basics are putting your son down AWAKE, but tired (wait for a yawn or that long lost gaze), settle them into the cot and then leave the room. If he cries, go back after two minutes and settle him again WITHOUT picking him up (try rubbing his back or gently patting him). If he is still crying double the time to four minutes and repeat, then double again to eight minutes and so on. Try not to spend longer than one minute calming him down.
My daughter would hold onto the cot bars and scream at me. I rubbed her back through the bars.
Please be really strong. It will not be easy.
As a light at the end of the tunnel, the first night I had 40 minutes of uninterrupted screaming before my daughter slept. She woke once in the night and I had a further 20 minutes of screaming. She then woke again at 8.40am!
The second night took 20 minutes at bedtime. She woke twice in the night and settled herself back to sleep without me! Both times she cried for less than two minutes.
We have now done six nights of controlled crying and now the only tears are the initial ones at bedtime. She now sleeps all night long. BLISS!!!
All the very best of luck x
A really good website I used was: http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Parenting -Skills/-/Routine-and-Teamwork/Controlled-Cryi ng.aspx
The forum linked to the controlled crying is helpful too.
The basics are putting your son down AWAKE, but tired (wait for a yawn or that long lost gaze), settle them into the cot and then leave the room. If he cries, go back after two minutes and settle him again WITHOUT picking him up (try rubbing his back or gently patting him). If he is still crying double the time to four minutes and repeat, then double again to eight minutes and so on. Try not to spend longer than one minute calming him down.
My daughter would hold onto the cot bars and scream at me. I rubbed her back through the bars.
Please be really strong. It will not be easy.
As a light at the end of the tunnel, the first night I had 40 minutes of uninterrupted screaming before my daughter slept. She woke once in the night and I had a further 20 minutes of screaming. She then woke again at 8.40am!
The second night took 20 minutes at bedtime. She woke twice in the night and settled herself back to sleep without me! Both times she cried for less than two minutes.
We have now done six nights of controlled crying and now the only tears are the initial ones at bedtime. She now sleeps all night long. BLISS!!!
All the very best of luck x
Oh God thats sounds fabulous. I really do hope it works. It just pulls so much on your heart strings that sometimes you want to pick them up. I will start around 8pm as I guarantee he will be getting tired by then - hopefully by 10pm he should be well away. He is totally the same though with standing up in his cot and screaming .... I put him down, he arches his back, starts screaming and gets back up again. I wont talk to him but will do the "sshh" but nothing works.
Do you have a night light on?? Im starting to think its more seperation anxiety at min as he has started cuddling me loads ... but he has no problems when I leave him with childminder!!
WATCH THIS SPACE FOR UPDATE
Do you have a night light on?? Im starting to think its more seperation anxiety at min as he has started cuddling me loads ... but he has no problems when I leave him with childminder!!
WATCH THIS SPACE FOR UPDATE
Hi tgm, I posted a similar question a few weeks ago about my ten month old, I hope it helps
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Family/Question 692164.html
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Family/Question 692164.html
Hello everyone = DAY 1 UPDATE :
Childminder told me that Thomas only had about 20 mins sleep today (morning time) and was starting to fall asleep about 5 (so she kept him awake). We got home for an hours play then in the bath for 7pm. 7.30pm we had bottle in his room all cuddled up with me reading him a story (never seen him sit so still but could be due to bottle). 15 mins later bottle half finished but he was keen to read the book himself - gave him til just on 8pm then got him to finish bottle.
8pm = into bed!!! SCREAMING as soon as I lay him down!! Said NIGHT NIGHT and went outside the room leaving night light on. Ended up having to take him out 5 mins later for nappy change!! Back into bed. Screaming again. My partner said he couldnt stand to hear him like that so went in. He told him "come on now, its OK - lie down" and lay him down. He went to get up but he kept telling him to stay down (in a nice voice). Then he just stood at side of cot but looked away from him - he did stay down and mumbled to himself but then filled his nappy again!!! I changed him and took over ... tried same stuff as my parnter but Thomas obviously knows Im softer as wouldnt stay down!!! Cheeky thing!!
Ended up coming out - going in - coming out!!! 8.55pm it all went quiet after cry then stop ... cry then stop!! I looked in but couldnt see him but all was still silent ... 9.05pm I heard a snore!!! Success!!! I slowly crept in only to find him clinging to the bar of his cot and sleeping sitting up!! SOOOOO CUTE but it worked .... for last night anyway plus he didnt wake til 7am!! Not sure if it was due to the technique or only 20 mins sleep that day!
KEEP YOU UPDATED TOMORROW!! Thanks again guys xx
Childminder told me that Thomas only had about 20 mins sleep today (morning time) and was starting to fall asleep about 5 (so she kept him awake). We got home for an hours play then in the bath for 7pm. 7.30pm we had bottle in his room all cuddled up with me reading him a story (never seen him sit so still but could be due to bottle). 15 mins later bottle half finished but he was keen to read the book himself - gave him til just on 8pm then got him to finish bottle.
8pm = into bed!!! SCREAMING as soon as I lay him down!! Said NIGHT NIGHT and went outside the room leaving night light on. Ended up having to take him out 5 mins later for nappy change!! Back into bed. Screaming again. My partner said he couldnt stand to hear him like that so went in. He told him "come on now, its OK - lie down" and lay him down. He went to get up but he kept telling him to stay down (in a nice voice). Then he just stood at side of cot but looked away from him - he did stay down and mumbled to himself but then filled his nappy again!!! I changed him and took over ... tried same stuff as my parnter but Thomas obviously knows Im softer as wouldnt stay down!!! Cheeky thing!!
Ended up coming out - going in - coming out!!! 8.55pm it all went quiet after cry then stop ... cry then stop!! I looked in but couldnt see him but all was still silent ... 9.05pm I heard a snore!!! Success!!! I slowly crept in only to find him clinging to the bar of his cot and sleeping sitting up!! SOOOOO CUTE but it worked .... for last night anyway plus he didnt wake til 7am!! Not sure if it was due to the technique or only 20 mins sleep that day!
KEEP YOU UPDATED TOMORROW!! Thanks again guys xx
the crying then stop thing is so that he can listen out to see if you are coming.
It sounds like a good first night though, hopefully itll get easier over the next few days.
You dont say how old he is but my 9 month old still has 2 naps in the day of 1-2 hours otherwise she gets over tired and is a nightmare to put down.
It sounds like a good first night though, hopefully itll get easier over the next few days.
You dont say how old he is but my 9 month old still has 2 naps in the day of 1-2 hours otherwise she gets over tired and is a nightmare to put down.
I may be an old-fashioned parent - my youngest is nearly twenty, but i find the notion of something called 'controlled crying' incredibly creepy!
My youngest was hard to get to sleep, i always would go in to her so she could smell me, and know i was there, but not pick her up, just rub her back and "Sssshh" to her so she knew i was there. It takes time and patience - the biggest trick is to be relaxed, as tension will communicate to the baby and make him or her restless.
It's a fine line between not leaving your baby to suffer and cry, and not letting them manipulate you, but insticnct and patience do work in the end.
My youngest was hard to get to sleep, i always would go in to her so she could smell me, and know i was there, but not pick her up, just rub her back and "Sssshh" to her so she knew i was there. It takes time and patience - the biggest trick is to be relaxed, as tension will communicate to the baby and make him or her restless.
It's a fine line between not leaving your baby to suffer and cry, and not letting them manipulate you, but insticnct and patience do work in the end.
As the father of many children... exactly what andy said... couldn't do it myself,bedtime should never in my opinion be distressing for a child and we always managed to get ours to either sleep in our bed or in their cot by simply making them feel absolutely secure that if they needed us we were there. Old fashioned maybe, but unless a chold was ill I can't say we ever really had a sleepless night.
you two arent old fashioned lol. This sort of thing was going on in the 40s (my grandad would tie my nan to kitchen chair to stop her going in to my dad) and i was put to bed awake and left to settle myself in the 70s and my siblings too through to the 80s.
its all down to how the parents want to do it really. No-one is making any parent use controlled crying. tgm has obviously tried it the way you had and wants to try something else.
as you say, andy, its all down to instinct.
its all down to how the parents want to do it really. No-one is making any parent use controlled crying. tgm has obviously tried it the way you had and wants to try something else.
as you say, andy, its all down to instinct.
Hello everyone
We are not doing the controlled crying "literally", I am lying on the floor next to his cot until he lays down and falls asleep. We have done this for the past week and the past few nights he has only screamed for 5 mins then given in and fell asleep.
Unfortunately we are still waking through the night but still trying to put him down and let him cry - me on the floor obviously.
We are not doing the controlled crying "literally", I am lying on the floor next to his cot until he lays down and falls asleep. We have done this for the past week and the past few nights he has only screamed for 5 mins then given in and fell asleep.
Unfortunately we are still waking through the night but still trying to put him down and let him cry - me on the floor obviously.
-- answer removed --
Good luck with this, I wish I would of done it sooner!
Our son is now 3 1/2 years old & still sleeping in the middle of my husband & I.
From birth our son was ill alot & to comfort him we use to sleep him in with us, but he soon got use to it & now it is sooooo hard to get him into his own room!
He have tried so many times & even spent �200 on a car bed (as he loves cars) but still, he wont sleep in his own room.
I do enjoy giving him a cuddle at night but it should be my husband I cuddle up to in bed & as you can probably guess, our sex life is also effected by this !
Do it now, before you get to my stage!
good luck :-)
Our son is now 3 1/2 years old & still sleeping in the middle of my husband & I.
From birth our son was ill alot & to comfort him we use to sleep him in with us, but he soon got use to it & now it is sooooo hard to get him into his own room!
He have tried so many times & even spent �200 on a car bed (as he loves cars) but still, he wont sleep in his own room.
I do enjoy giving him a cuddle at night but it should be my husband I cuddle up to in bed & as you can probably guess, our sex life is also effected by this !
Do it now, before you get to my stage!
good luck :-)
Hello again everyone
This weeks update is as follows ; my son knows I am truely the soft touch and will still scream his head off when I put him into his cot. So my partner has taken over for last week ---- and guess what --- the little minx will allow his Dad to give him a quick goodnight cuddle before quietly laying down in his cot and falling asleep within 5 mins!! Cant believe it. Any waking through the night then Dad goes to him and he is back asleep within seconds!!! Obviously the night waking is still going on but its gone down from every 2 hrs, to 4 hrs now 6 hrs!!
One of the good things about Dad doing the sleep time is that he told me the other day he "loves doing it and enjoys his bit of time with him". Due to my partners work he gets very little time with my son (quality time) so its put the inner smile back on me.
Fingers crossed for sleep throughs .... SOON!!
This weeks update is as follows ; my son knows I am truely the soft touch and will still scream his head off when I put him into his cot. So my partner has taken over for last week ---- and guess what --- the little minx will allow his Dad to give him a quick goodnight cuddle before quietly laying down in his cot and falling asleep within 5 mins!! Cant believe it. Any waking through the night then Dad goes to him and he is back asleep within seconds!!! Obviously the night waking is still going on but its gone down from every 2 hrs, to 4 hrs now 6 hrs!!
One of the good things about Dad doing the sleep time is that he told me the other day he "loves doing it and enjoys his bit of time with him". Due to my partners work he gets very little time with my son (quality time) so its put the inner smile back on me.
Fingers crossed for sleep throughs .... SOON!!
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