arrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[gossipgirl]

My daughter celebrated her birthday recently and we had aparty for her, loads of people turned up all apart from my parents, sister and her kids. Obviously me and my partner were dissapointed but they gave there 'reasons' to why they couldnt get here and said they would be up sometime within the week. Nearly 2 weeks have gone by now and they still havent come up to see her and give her the card and presents they say they have for her. What the situation is now that ive got my mothers 50th on the weekend and we arranged to go out for a meal but my partner is now spouting off that why should we make a 30 min drive to them when they didnt do the same for there grand daughter! obviously i can see where he is coming from what im saying is how childish is that saying that they didnt come to us so were not going to theres....its not only that but he is full on slating my parents to me and its getting upsetting, i know they have there faults but there my mum and dad and i love them to bits. My partner find it hard that i just accept it, but it is what it is and its always been that way with me, i cant remember whan ive ever had a card off them on my actual birthday, its always late , ive always had the impression that because i live away from there area that we are almost 'forgotten 'about.. For the sake of a quiet life now do i tell them that we cant make it to keep my partner happy or do i risk going and my partner being hostile to them?

[sara3]

you just have to accept that people are different, although it is hurtful when it's your family. don't sink to their level. take a deep breath and go to your mother's do and bite your tongue.

maybe don't take your partner if he might make a scene though!

you'll be the better person for it, but I do feel for you. I have these issues with my family all the time x

[annie0000]

All families are diifferent and give different importance to things like birthdays. We make a big deal about my kids birthdays, but no so much about our own and we often get cards and gifts for the kids late and tbh I am not so religous about making sure that my neices and nephews get theirs on time either. The kids quite like getting a late present. Appart from their 1st birthdays, my mum tends to not come along to the kids parties as she sees it as a party for the kids and their friends, not for her.

I don't find that upsetting in the slightest.

Your partner needs to get a grip and realise that not rushing across to see your child on her birthday, doesn't mean to say that they don't love her, they just attach a different level of importance to such things. Do they treat your sisters kids any differently?

Maybe they are thinging practically that as they are busy orgainisg the party and that they will see you on that day, there is no point coming across now and she will get her presents when she sees them.

You are in danger of making a full blown family fued about something that they probably don't see as that important. You could try explaining your feelings to them, but I bet that they will probably not even realise that they are upsetting anyone.

[4getmenot]

they have probably just though well they are coming up for the 50th soon so we will give grand-daughter present then. Your bloke is being a bit childish its really not worth it. Just ask him if he'd like it if you started slagging off his parents

[angiebaby57]

Try to rise above it....tit-for-tat would be childish BUT I do understand that your partner is diappointed and why he is upset. You have to live with your partner though......Try to have a conversation with your extended family and be honest...tell them u r hurt. Not always easy but if u go to this party and ur partner is in a mood it will spoil the event for others, making him as bad as them ......I really do hope that u work this one out...but ur partner and child are ur priority. xxx

[sqad617]

.."..I really do hope that u work this one out...but ur partner and child are ur priority. xxx "


angiebaby has put her finger on it and that is the bottom line.

[Velvetee]

Firstly, have a word with your parents and tell them how disappointed your daughter was, that they didn't come to her party or that she hasn't seen them since as promised. Perhaps they have just been tied up with other things.

I think if you don't attend your mother's 50th, a rift may occur and relations will only begin to go downhill and you will end up in a tit for tat situation. Your partner needs to understand and appreciate they are your parents and allow you to deal with the situation.

If you feel he will be hostile, then maybe you should ask him not to attend the party and just go along yourself with your daughter.

[gossipgirl]

well my partner is NOT coming on sunday and said he doesnt care if it upsets me or not. I think he si trying to make a point and is making it really difficult for me and the kids to go to. Ive now got to catch 2 trains and a bus to get there now as he is refusing to have any part in it. to say hes being a childish a@@hole is an understatement!!!!!!!!!!! Obviously i wont be telling my parents because i dont want to cause a family feud but at the same time im thinkng why should i lie

[didgerydo]

I know just what you are going through and have been in a similar position. I actually can see where your partner is coming from. But at the same time they are your parents and it really isn't worth causing a big rift over. Explain to your partner that your parents will not be around for ever and falling out with them may be something you may regret later and you and the children need to maintain contact. Tell him you see his point of view and respect his decision but could he see is way to either dropping you off and picking you up or paying for a taxi.