my girlfriends cuts her self,,

[checo0099]

i need help because i dont know what to do.. i have a girlfriend and ive been with her for 4 years now. we have had our problems where we were bout to break up. and as we were arguing about breaking up she cut her self in the arm.. i didnt think much bout her having a problem then. that was a year ago,, in between then and now wed have arguments and when she got so mad she pull her hair out and scratch her self, bite her self and some times bang her head against the wall.. but about a week a go we were about to break up again and once again she cut her self. this time it was worse.. thats when i relized she needs help. but how?? now i feel afraid to break up with her cuz shell really hurt her self. and i feel forced to b with her.. what do i do?? can any one please guide me?

[ummmm]

Speak to her family and get an appointment with her GP.

If she only does it to keep you then it's a form of emotional blackmail. Do not stay with her for that reason as you'd only be ruining your own life. You also have a duty to yourself and your own happiness.

[sue11]

Your poor girlfriend needs some help, but as ummm states, this is not your fault and you should not feel forced into staying with her as a result of her self harming herself. You can still be supportive, but at a distance. Your responsilbility in this goes no further than to ensure that she is in the best possible hands of someone or an organisation that can give her the help she needs. A break up may actually be good for her in the long run.
Best of luck.

[Octavius]

How old are you both?

[Italia]

I use to do exactly the same thing, and unfortunatley theres still times i will scratch myself. I feel its due to anger, the key is to dig deep and find out why, easier said than done.

Talking to eachother openly is the best thing and could bring you a lot closer together. The next step is a doctor or a counsellor.

If she believes in emotional healing i found a fantastic book by Louise L Haye "you can heal your life" Its hard and brings stuff to the surface but thats whats needed.

But if you love her please try, after that its up to her to help herself.

Best wishes to you both

[mandimoo]

and please just try to remember that she is responsible for her actions, not you. i also wonder if you could speak to your own doctor about what you might be able to do for her.

[checo0099]

I am 22 and shes 21

[paraffin]

Sounds like she's using the old emotional blackmail trick - "You try to leave and I'll do something dreadful to myself which will make you feel guilty".
This puts you in a no-win situation because if you split up with her she does what I've said, and if you stay with her, she has won!
Given both your ages, I would hope you have families and friends local to where you live? Have you approached any of them for help? Surely someone close to both of you could at least have a chat with the two of you to try to help you with your problems?
If not, perhaps enlisting the advice of your doctor or a therapist may help your girlfriend. This is a very difficult situation but most of the problems seem to be in her head.
Good luck.

[checo0099]

I do see what you guys are saying.. but she makes me feel that shes doing it cuz of me. and i have told her to get help but shes in denial and gets mad everytime i mention it. if i want to get her some help who do i contact? a hospital to see what info they give me? i dont want her to keep hurting her self, next time she does it might be even worse and she could possibly kill her self. In a way i feel she does it to keep me but i dont see why hurt her self like that.

[MWB]

Are you 2 living togeather?

[Nannyjillx2]

I think she is probably in so much pain emotionally that when she cuts herself the physical pain helps release some of her mental pain.My nephew went through years of doing this and when I was talking to him that is what he told me. He said even though it hurt it felt so good at the same time. Three years later his arms are so scared they are horrific it looks like he's been through a plate of glass.

She really needs to admit she has a problem.

Don't feel gulity or in any way think this is your fault, I'm not saying you shouldn't stand by her but only do so if that is what you want not because you feel you have to.

When my nephew went to therapy eventually he went to group discussions and out of about 25 people only 2 of them said they had told anyone they did this and they said it was ultimately to gain something. I know whenever we asked my nephew he's say he lent up against the walls in the hall which were artexed and abit jaggered.

[checo0099]

we are not currently livin togeather anymore.. the first cut happened when we were and the second time happened after i had moved out.

I dont know if she might be in pain emotionally because she is not always like that.. when we are not arguing and when we laugh she is a great person to be around. but when something doesnt go her way and she doesnt see that it wont thats when she goes nuts and eventually leads to hurting her self... I guess i should of mentioned she did threaten to take pills and kill her self when i was moving out. and she did take a few but i managed to snatched some out of her hand.

[ChocolatChip]

Hi there checo.
I was in a relationship just like you, I was with my boyfriend for 2 years, we lived together, and although I thought it was a general statement, my boyfriend used to say 'I couldn't live without you' or 'I'd die without you'.
However, we got older, and grew in different directions, he was very focussed on the past (we have all had problems) and I wanted to move on with my future. I met someone else, and decided that I wanted to finish with him.
I have also self-harmed, so I do know that it is a kind of release from any emotional pain and can sometimes be used as an attention seeking weapon.
I told him our relationship was over, and he was reasonably accepting, he did cry, but didn't try to hold me back, or fight for what we had.
A few hours later, I found out, he'd cut himself (I had known he was a self-harmer when we met) and he told me that he'd kill himself if I left him.
It was an exceptionally hard decision for me of whether to stay or walk away. I felt that if he did ever do something, it would be on my head forever. But if I stayed, it would ruin my chances of ever being happy, and that I would end up resenting him for it.

I chose to walk away, to tell him it was his choice, but he couldn't make me responsible, as I was doing what was good for my own health.
Needless to say, he never went through with it, he moved out, and now lives, what I know of is a happy live, similar to the one he had before we met.
I am now free of any pressure, and i have never, ever been happier.
Please, never feel responisble, or feel you have to stay with someone for their sake. As you will only resent them more everyday, and will ruin your happiness in the future.
I would speak to your girlfriend's family, GP or some kind of counsellor, you can still support her, but you can't be in a relationship like this.
My aunt always told me that out of a million people that say

[ChocolatChip]

they will kill themselves, only 1 person will.
I think it is a blackmail situation, esepcially since you say she is not always like this.
People who suffer with depression, find it difficult in everyday life, every second of everyday.

[MWB]

Damn that's a good answer from "ChocolatChip!"

Couldn't say it better myself girl - well done you!!

I will add though, that cutting is an attention seeking behaviour. As is threatening to suicide when things don't go your way or you don't get what you want. Which is exactly what your "girlfriend" is doing.
She sounds very immature, demanding & is being a drama queen. How dare she do that to you. How dare she manipulate, emotionally blackmail you & make you feel like it's your fault! It is not your fault.
Just end the relationship & leave her to her histrionics.

[CoeRoe]

Sorry, I disagree with ChocChip.

There are many forms of depression, and a person suffering one of those forms does not necessarily find every minute of every day difficult.

In fact, many people who suffer from depression can seem to be the life and soul of the party.