Stable Background for a child

[gilf]

I was talking to my sister at the weekend and she revealed a statistic that shocked me. Of the 28 children in my niece's class (she is 7), she is the only one from what would be described as a stable background.

While the areas my sister lives in is hardly Upper Class I wouldn't have said it was that bad either.

[HJT40]

How would a stable back ground be described?

[redcrx]

it would depends on what your sister thinks is a stable background.
2 parents? a housewife ad father the breadwinner? Parents of same ethnic backgrund? Parents over 25? 2.4 children? Parents married? church goers?

[jake-the-peg]

And how does she know the background of the other 27.

Sounds a very odd thing to say

[daffy654]

Sounds like the sort of thing a 'superior' person would say.

[bednobs]

blimey! she has had time to find out the family backgrounds of 27 children? she must have far too much time on her hands

[gilf]

Good to see some of you judged my sister, and in a classic twist of irony for being judgemental.

She knows the background of the other children because she is a teaching assistant, and it was in fact the teacher of her daughters class who made the statement not her.

I agree in the sense of what makes a stable background, but I did say "what would be described a stable background". I'm sure many of the children have a much better home life than other children with both parents living together (which I would imagine was where the teacher was coming from).

daffy654- Not sure if you were suggesting I to my sister were superior, but far from it, it was simply an observation of where we are as a nation and how a stable family background seems to now be of little consideration when bringing a child in to the world.

When I was at school in what I would consider a similar area (socially), while there might have been a few children of divorced or separated parents on the whole a vast majority of the children where from a traditional family unit.

[redcrx]

so what does the teacher of her daughters class think a stable background is? you dont say, but it seems that your sister and the teacher agree on their description.

[4getmenot]

stable background surely just means a happy stable home. so only one is quite shocking yes

[gilf]

Unfortunately I didn't probe my sister for what the full and definitive description on what a stable background was, of course the definition will change with each person but I think we all have some idea on what we would consider the definition to be.

As I said before what I might be consider a traditional stable family life, would be both parents together (married or not) and at least one working full time, however not sure the last part is that important. As I also said just because they do not fit that definition doesn't mean they have a poor home life or that people should judge it in such terms.... but I would personally believe that given the massively high proportion it's far from ideal in some of the cases.

I'm certainly not judging anybody, not sure how I can judge a statistic and knowing my sister she certainly wasn't making a judgement, she always speaks very highly of the children (though she works with a different class, but I'd imagine the issue was at least in some part replicated).

I'm not sure the teacher was making a judgement either on whether the children themselves were happy, but I have never met a child from a "broken home" (more general terms) who in adult life, who said they loved the experience and turmoil of their parents breaking up. One saving grace on the last point is that I think currently parents of children break up much more easily that they might have done 20 years ago and therefore the child sees the situation as "normal" (i.e. when the child is too young to really understand), however I can't see that benefit is that great when you consider the difficulty for single parents.

[coccinelle]

I looked after two children about 20 years ago before and after school and at lunchtime; their parents had split up and then divorced. They were the only 2 in their classes who spent one weekend with one parent and the following weekend with the next. They found this difficult to explain to their classmates. Now, at the same school the majority of children shift between parents at weekends and love to brag about getting two sets of Xmas presents, birthday presents etc. I'm currently looking after a little kid who lives with both his parents and his classmates can't get it!!!
What a difference 20 years make...

[feebal]

I am an adult who as a child lived in a "broken home" and my upbringing was extremely stable. I know you and your sister and the teacher say these things without being intentionally malicious but to assume things about a child's upbringing/stability based solely on whether or not their parents live together is very misguided.
I am very glad my parents divorced when I was a child, they were both much happier and therefore so were myself and my brother. We knew we were loved and cherished by both of our parents but it just so happened they didn't love and cherish each other!

[Lil O'lady]

Either Gilf has touched a sensitive nerve in some contributors or the PC brigade are clubbing together. What her sister states is a simple truth based on observation, as some braver contributors have corroborated. I would query the association of the 'upper classes' with stability but the rest is something that we need not be in denial about if we want a better society.
A child who is not thumped,spoiled, screamed at and / or ignored; who has the same carers for large parts of their lives; whose carers act as responsible decent adults to each other. These are the factors that make a stable home.
As a former secondary school teacher I wish I had a pound for every child whose blighted life did not fall into this category. I take no pleasure in this fact but it is the case that the consequences of idiots and losers with zero parenting skills sprogging randomly is visited on primary and secondary schools every day of the week. They transmit their fractured sense of vaues and low self esteem and blame every bogger else but themselves. They are encouraged by consumer society to indulge their offspring materially but have endless reasons why they can't impart simple good manners and a sense of ethics and morality.

[tamborine]

my horses have a stable background ;)

[Tim123]

I agree entirely with what Lil O'lady said.

I would add that for boys especially, a positive male role model is vital. If you want to see what happens when the only role models adolescent males have are their peers, pick up a copy of 'Lord of the Flies', or alternatively, a newspaper.