A question for all you parents

[mrs_overall]

I guess this is a bit of a taboo subject, but do you have a favourite child?
I love my 3 dearly but have to confess I do have a favourite.

[WiseOldSage]

I have two - one is 18 and one is 5. I love them both but in very different ways. My 5 year old I can cuddle and kiss and tell her I do but it's not really the same for a strapping 6 footer LOL The only concession I make for "having a favourite" is that I thought my son was the most gorgeous thing in the world when he was born and always tell him - my daughter looked like Dobbie! LOL (and no, I don't tell her!)

[mrs_overall]

pmsl wiseoldsage!!!!

[joggerjayne]

No, I think it forces us to let go.

A parent has to lose the "protective" instinct, and teach their child (be it a human, or a lion cub, or whatever), to fend for themselves.

You still love your children as they grow older, but, if you have a strong parental instinct, Nature will tell you that the youngest child needs you the most, and that you MUST feel drawn to them ...

... otherwise they will be eaten by a sabre tooth tiger.

I think that Mrs O is proving that we still have primitive instincts which help us to protect our young.

[Bbbananas]

I know what you mean there sage - my firstborn, son, was absolutely beautiful when he popped out into the world. An adonis. My daughter however, bless her, had bumped her nose on the way out - she was born looking like Joe Bugner after doing 10 rounds with Ali. Luckily, the swelling did go down and she is now a beautiful 24 year old.

[mrs_overall]

Blimey jj.....I know Brighton is nearly abroad but I didn't realise you had tigers roaming wild down there!

[mrs_overall]

Further to descriptions of newborns - my eldest 2 were born gorgeous but my youngest looked like Gollum!

[redcrx]

yep JJ, i think the same as you on that one.

and can everyone say awwwwww as 4get got ignored on her "nothing child" post :(

[joggerjayne]

Mrs O ...

We haven't moved on much since the Stone Age ...

... well, not in Kemp Town, anyway.



In fact, I think that most of the population of "Hove Actually" were probably in their teens during the Stone Age.

[obNOXious]

My littlest one, Rivkka, is very almost three and is disabled due to an accident. I adore her and I think there is a lot to be said for Jayne's 'primitive' argument, but I am still not as close to her as I am to my older daughter. Going on to jayne's further idea that the littlest must be protected or they'll get eaten etc, do you think that I feel less protective of her than I might because she has been readily accepted into my ex's new man's family, and is therefore now on a very basic level part of his 'pack' and therefore protected anyway?

[Bbbananas]

yes redcrx - i noted that "nothing child" comment from 4getmenot. That's a sad thing to say 4get - I'll give you an awwwwwwwwww also x

[joggerjayne]

obnoxious ...

That rationale (the "pack" argument) does work, doesn't it.

We can't control how we feel, because some genetic responses are simply programmed into us.

Have you noticed that, when dogs go to lie down, they sometimes turn round and round? The dog knows that it is settling down in front of a cosy fire, but its primitive instinct tells it that it is a wild dog, living on the plains, and it has to trample the grass into a cosy "nest" before it can settle down.

[obNOXious]

It does Jayne, because I've always found it odd that I'm not worried about Rivkka than I am. As I said I adore her, worship the little menace in fact, but she doesn't play on my mind as you'd expect given her circumstances and the more I thought about that this morning, the more I realised that it was because, much as I dislike my ex's new man on a personal level, I have absolutely no doubt that he loves her every bit as much as I do, having seen them together. Therefore she's safe within his environment which on a basic level leaves me somewhat redundant, aside form being her genetic father.
My eleven year old I can communicate with on a less primal level, so I find I miss her more.

[joggerjayne]

Next observation about primitive instincts ...

Mothers always try to force foor on you, even when you're in you 40s ...

Have a cake.

Would you like another cake?

Can I get you anything elso to eat? How about more cake?

Now, rationally, as someone who lives in the 21st Century, mothers know that you are trying to diet, you don't want the bl00dy cake, and it will make you fat, give you a heart attack, and probably kill you.

But their little primitive gene is saying ..

"You must feed your young, You must feed your young ..."

Hence, even more sodding cake. MOMBA !! ... I don't even enjoy cake very much !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[4getmenot]

Thanks :-( only because my lil sis is youngest, redcrx is oldest my bro only boy, I;m nothing :-(

[joggerjayne]

"food"