Forgiving spouse past mistake

[confused17]

My spouse of two years has a troubled past. She had lost her virginity to her current ex. She regrets it fully. I had sex with her making her my first. I wish she had been a virgin. I'M old-fashioned and her virginity situation is killing this relationship. can anyone help me plz?

[stonekicker]

yes - grow up! get over it and get some more, or make it into an issue and break up. life only gets more complicated as you grow older and you have to keep forgiving and forgetting more. you may as well get a head start now.

[joet75]

wish all you like, ain't going to change it. 1 lover's nothing to worry about. don't stress over what you can't change. love her and enjoy time together.

[sqad617]

The two answers above are spot on ......grow up.

Now this is high risk....BUT.....get into bed with her and ask her to describe everything her ex did to her and if she enjoyed it?

Well it could do the trick for both of you.

[tamborine]

you were successful with her as she had the experience you needed.

[brenda]

I don't think you will like my answer very much , but here goes.

I think you need to grow up over this issue and start to value the things you have.

Whatever your spouse did with her ex is absolutely nothing to do with you.She made a decision then , which for her was right at the time.
I believe that no-one makes any decision knowing it to be wrong at the time of making.

So what is you are trying to do ?
Make both of you misereable , and her feel guilty?
Are you some sort of sanctimonious being or an emotional bully?
In a supermarket for example you have the opportunity to leave "damaged goods " your view ,on the shelf . If you feel so strongly about your spouse's past , why did you marry?

Are you going to keep on about this at every turn until you are both drawing your pensions and so miss out on all the good and important things you have?

You really need to pull yourself together and keep your nose out of issues which are a long time dead.
G et on with life and remember " that he who is without sin "etc

And finally i don't believe for a moment "your old fashioned "rubbish.

[wallacia]

agree with all the above,i met a girl in 1982,went out with her,then found out she was married twice before,did it bother me,yes,at first,its now 2009 and we are very happily married,i am glad i persevered with her as we have had some great times together and still in love,her daughter to a previous husband,calls me her dad,as i could not have children,believe me confused17,if you love her go for it big style,forget the past and be as happy as you can.

[Yvaines09]

I think it is just plain old jealousy - nothing to do with being "old fashioned". What does it matter if she had five partners before you - she is with you now and, apparently, for a reason.

The only person killing the relationship is you - bit of the old green eyed monster me thinks!

[gbradfield]

you knew she wasnt a virgin when you slept with her, so you cant have been THAT bothered about it!

[sqad617]

Kitesurfer.....for Pete's sake....get rid of her.

[Solarjunkie]

You have to deliberately make the decision to let the past be the past and accept that it can't be changed. Most of us have things we wish were different, but life is too short to spend lots of time dwelling on them.
Try writing yourself a letter, giving yourself "permission" to accept that though you wish things were different, they aren't, and to concentrate on the future with your chosen partner.
Good luck.