lazy men

[scarem]

hi everyone,

don't know whether it is just me but i do all the cleaning and laundry and manage all the money and bills, no help from him and when i ask him to get me a drink he can't believe i've asked such a question,how dare i  ask. Is it just me. need help on how to make him help me or just show appreciation. thanks

[Chillum]

My wife has a great ploy - firstly, be an absolutely p!sh cook, I now do all the cooking. If she does the Tesco's run she buys over-priced nonsense, so I now do all the shopping. Let her loose in the garden and all but the weeds will suffer. If she needs something decorated - she starts, but does it so badly that I have to step in, and finish it. She's not daft, and I do love her, but trying to find a matching pair of socks in the morning is a daily challenge.

[Kay]

Try doing things just for yourself..See how he reacts to that!!!!!!!!

[FP]

Does he do other things?  I do all the things you mention as well - and my husband does none of them.  However, he works long hours and I don't and also does loads of DIY (well).  We have never had to hire a tradesman in the 30 years we have been married and he has transformed our house from a derelict cottage to a lovely home (an ongoing process).  He also does all the heavy work in our very large garden.

If your husband just sits about and lets you do everything, then I would take Fina's good advice. Don't do his washing and only cook for yourself.   However, you will probably still end up doing all the cleaning, because you won't be able to bear living in an untidy, mucky house, and he wont even notice!!   Also, if you are anything like me, you will still keep on managing the money because then you know it is done!

Good luck!  And if he doesn't change, trade him in for a different model!

[silly moo]

Depends how long this has been going on - if you are fairly new as a couple you need to follow others' advice and train him quickly. If together for years and years could be too late.
A good tip is find a partner who has lived away from home and isn't used to mum doing everything for her little boy.

[CiderMonkey]

i had the same thing when i was living with my ex. he was getting kicked out of home and had nowhere to go and promised me he'd get a job if we got a flat together. Stupid me. He had jobs here and there but hardly ever gave me and money for the rent and bills and even hid final demand letters for the rent when he was meant to have paid it. When he wasn't working I asked if he could do the housework whiel i was out, only to come home to my breakfast thing in the sink still, the washing still needing doing. He'd be sitting there drinking tea and smoking with his feet up. I asked him for help, then told him for help, explaining why it was fair that we should SHARE the bills and housework. It didn't work. i fell out of love and kicked him out. Talk to your man - I'm not saying he will be the same as my ex but if he thinks fethching you a drink is such a hardship after you've done ALL the work around the house then it doesn't look promising. Maybe he's spent too long being looked after and doesn't realise he is doing anything wrong? Talk to him. Good Luck!

[Robinia]

I've been there too & can't really add much to what's already been said.  The only way he is going to change is if you change first.  Even when it was clear that we would split up I still couldn't be tough enough to leave my ex out when I cooked & cleaned etc. 

Incidentally, his 2nd wife didn't do anything!! Oh what a shame.

[feduptired]

it is good to see a site like this one because i have the same feelings. i have become a slave too - my boyfriend who i call telly tubby - is bone lazy - he does jack - even if i dont iron his shirts he wears them without an iron - this is the second week that i have not done a thing - but i gave in to ironing 3 shirts whilst he spend all day infront of xbox.  he spends his day farting burping, scratching, picking his arse and eats and drinks like a pig and i guess it is only a matter of time before i leave.