help

[sadmama]

my 15 year old wants to camp out over night with pals who drink and do pot.she is going on about that she wont drink and is totally against drugs and that she only wants to go for the laugh. my husband and i have said absolutely no way and she thinks we are being unreasonable and unfair.

[sara3]

personally, I wouldn't be pleased if my daughter (whois also 15) was hanging out with people using drugs and drinking. there is no way I would agree to that. I'd say stand your ground.

[lynbrown]

Try to stop her hanging out with this crowd. they are bad news.

[Ice.Maiden]

Hello sadmama. Can I just add a differrent slant to this please. A niece of mine asked to do exactly the same thing very recently. She's the same age as your daughter as well. Obviously, you can't physically restrain her from leaving the house, but in our case, her parents were just as horrified as yourself. In the end, they allowed her to go, on condition that she kept in contact with home. As it happened, it started to sleet and a wind got up, so at gone midnight, a little voice was calling for her father to pick her up, which he did. As promised, she hadn't been drinking, and as far as anyone knew, hadn't been smoking anything either. If you give her some free rein, but explain why you're so worried - naturally - I'm sure that she'll grow to respect your wishes. x

[gossipgirl]

i think you need to trust your daughter, if she is against drugs then i think you should trust her judgemaent that shes not going to be pressusred into it.. When i was that age me and my friends used to go camping and have beach parties etc and my friends smoked but i never took to it, i hated the smell, look of them everything. Of course we did have a drink but more often than not it would be 3 alcopops between 2 of us. My parents know i was a sensible girl and had my own mind so they gave me the benifit of the doubt and let me go on the condition that if they hear of any trouble etc then that would be it and they would never give me that chance again. Its also a good thing that your daughter is being honest about it and asking you, she couldve lied and said she was sleeping at a friends house and gone behind your back, but again thats why i think you should give her the chance to prove herself as a sensible mature girl. If you hold her back she will start lying to you. Its a funny age because as a teenager you think you are all grown up but when you become a parent yourself you realise that they are just kids!

[wendilla]

Yes must agree with gossipgirl and Icemaiden. By my own experiences when I was young my mother was very strict and the more she told me not to I didnt heed her. But it wasnt drugs just smoking and going out with boys. I used to get my sister to tell lies for me. I would have a date and I would be banned to my room .I was 14 at the time. But she soon came to realise that if she let me go out when I wanted I would come back at a reasonable time.If your girl is sensible she will not go to drink and drugs .I have 2 children both grown up and I vowed I would never stop them from going out with who they wanted too. They have had friends that took drugs but have never been involved thenselves. They are both happily married and have children .You must trust her and she will respect you for that. As gossipgirl says at least she is telling you the truth.

[no-knowledge]

send her to bed without giving her any tea !

[lil123]

Stick to your guns and don't let her go x

[proudmary]

Hi, I had exactly the same with my son at that age, he came and asked if he could go rather than lie and stay he wanted to stay ata friends overnight, I was very worried and explained why I tild him if he got into any trouble and betrayed my trust I wouldn't let him go again. I gave him a food parcel and sent him on his way lol, he is now 24 and tells me that I did the right thing because he knew he could ring if he needed me but felt this was a valuable lesson when growing up and If I had said no and dug my heels in he probably would have ended up hiding it from me. I sometimes feel as a parent you can't 'do right for doing wrong' go with your gut instinct, you know your child better than anyone else.

[joannie10]

I think it is good that your daughter has been able to come to you about this. I think you are in a very difficult situation because as much as it would be good to say 'trust her and give her this chance' what if something gets out of hand, what if things were to get noisey or whatever and someone(neighbour or whoever) phoned the police - they would not care whether your daughter was not drinking or whatever she would just be caught up in it as much as the rest I would think!?!?

[wendilla]

Joannie 10 I can understand your reply in one way but if we always said (What if ) we wouldnt go anywhere.
You have to let go of your children and trust that they are telling you truthfully where they are . Mobiles nowadays help for that. I am well aware it is a far worse world out there than when I was a teenager.

[sadmama]

Thank you so much for all ur replies.I do so much appreciate them as you know its very hard in this day and age not only our teens but for parents too.I know that my husband and I have made the right decison.Thanks again.

[joannie10]

I know wendilla - I am not aswering as a parent but remembering back to my childhood. I did get alot of freedom due I think to having an older brother and sister (my parents had been through it all before) but I was at the age of 13 told I was not allowed to go and camp in a friends garden. i was allowed to go to some friends but not this particular friends - was the correct decision. Alcohol etc was not the issue but some boys had got word of this happening and gate crashed the sleepover - ended up with the police getting called, all my friends getting taken back to their parents in a police car. My friends were not doing anything wrong so were not actually in trouble but got a lot of hassle from the boys, who had come from a neighbouring area for quite some time.