Has/does anyone co-sleep with their children and for how long?

[mountainboo]

My husband is very pro co-sleeping and has read a study that the Scandinavians did which showed that children who co-slept with their parents were happy and confident during later childhood. He wants us to continue co-sleeping until our son is at least 2 years old. He was vary anti the controlled crying technique, which I have probably mentioned before.

Although I love co-sleeping with my son, apart from when he uses me as a human climbing frame, my worry is that he will never learn how to soothe himself off to sleep during wakeful periods. I believe this is important is it not? My husband doesn't see the necessity.

Any thoughts or opinions welcome x

[Bettyboo22]

My little brother used to co sleep with my mum until he started using her as a human climbing frame

[mountainboo]

Lol, wish it was that simple for me.

[obNOXious]

My ex wife and I co-slept with our kids when they were little and generally the kids themselves start to claim their own space when about 18 months - 2 1/2 years and so the transition is easy. Just take your que from your child, and all will be well. I have to agree with your husband, both my ex and I were very anti the 'controlled crying' idea.
We've since split up and she has had 2 sets of twins in quick succession with her new partner and they are I know co-sleeping with the littlest set and were co-sleeping with the elder set until the birth of the new babies.
I've gotta say that none of my own children or hers that I've seen recently, have been difficult to settle on their own, as co-sleeping gives them a feeling of security and self confidence that I don't think non co-slept kids get.
My eldest daughter we did this with is eleven now and is a very stable, happy, confident girl, far more so than the kids from my first marriage who were not co-slept.
It's anecdotal i know, but if I ever had further kids, I would definately want to co-sleep as it's so muich easier and less hassle than the whole bedtime routine, hours of crying thing so many people seem to have, plus it's natural, how many animals do you see that sleep seperately to their young? I seriously don't think we ever had a sleepless night with ours.

[mountainboo]

Great reply obnoxious, many thanks. 2 sets of twins...wow, that's hard work, I thought 1 was hard enough ha ha.

[Francis Asis]

I too am pro-co-sleeping but bear in mind that not all children need it. Some settle very happily in their own beds. You should be guided by what works for your family and what makes you all happy. And let anyone make you feel guilty about whichever way you choose.

[Francis Asis]

Sorry, that should be DON'T let anyone make you feel guilty.

[mountainboo]

Thanks Francis Acis. Since December last year (when he was about 9 months old) our son has been sleeping in our bed every night. To begin with I found it hard but I do now enjoy him being in our bed and look forward to our snuggles.

He goes to sleep in his cot to begin with, always without a fuss and gives my husband and I a couple of hours together before he comes into our bed which is usually about 11pm, so I am very thankful for that.

[Goodsoulette]

Awwww MB, your husband sounds lovely. I was always the one fighting against the controlled crying and saying iof they want to sleep with us let them. How wonderful you have a fella in your life that is up for this kind of parenting :D

Up until about the age of ten I used to jump in with my parents if I was upset of a night, or poorly. Id say go with the flow, sounds like you support each other well anyways.

[mountainboo]

Thanks Goodsoulette, he is great. Your right about going with the flow too. I should make the most of this time we have together x

[aims1202]

I think co-sleeping is what newborn babies need and i believe that is one reason they are much happier and more content later on. I co-slept with both mine until around 3/4mths, then after that i occassionally still have them in bed with me, especially if they were unwell. Newborns need to feel safe and secure and as if they are still inside mummys tummy! Hammock slings are great for daytime too. My daughter is now 5mths and very happy baby, she goes to sleep herself in her cot next to my bed, she cries very little. I'm not sure about keeping them in your bed all the time as they get older, for a start they keep you awake! but also kids are happier with routine and bed times which might be harder if co-sleeping. but if it works for you then great, its just not what i would do.

[warpig3]

Phew, what a relief!!!!

The piglet sleeps with me every night, in fact if she doesnt sleep with me, no-one gets any sleep. She goes to sleep on her own at 7pm and comes in to me at around 11-12pm ( she is 1 yr). I have tried to disuade her from this in the past but got no sleep whatsoever and eventually gave in and put her in with me. She now sleeps happily (well mostly) through the night.

I must admit, I have never heard of co-sleeping before and thought I was being weak by pandering to her but if its good enough for the Scandinavians then it good enough for me.

[Mully79]

We followed something along the lines of the Dr Sears style. We were totally against controlled crying and felt very much baby-led and when I stumbled across the Dr Sears' books I realised that was pretty much how we were raising our newborn.

Our daughter hated being in the moses basket, and only settled next to me or her dad. I ended up making a co-sleeper cot attached to our bed to give us all a bit more room, and now we have a king size bed. I was also breastfeeding through the night up til 14 months so this made sense and gave us all some sleep.

Our daughter is now 3, and a happy, confident little girl. She falls asleep by herself around the same time every night. She will sleep through the night (this took a long time to happen!), but when in her own bed, more often than not she'll wake in the early hours, come in our room and jump in with us, no fuss. Some nights she just stays with us anyway.

She's getting to the age now where she wants her own space a bit more but hasn't quite let go of cuddling up to us. Just like wanting to use the toilet in private, have a bath on her own or not wanting anyone but Mummy to see her naked when she gets dressed, we know soon she'll always want to be in her own bed with her own space like a 'grown-up'. Children are all different and develop at different paces. I'm sure your son will learn to settle himself in his own time. We had a lot of negative comments and frowns because our daughter woke frequently in the night and we were seen as being "too soft" on her for following her lead and not having these strict routines, but time has shown she has fallen into a great routine all by herself.

[FUZZYBEE]

funnily enough my two girls were both fantastic sleepers and the older one who is 6 goes off quite happily and stays put all night, but the 4 year old has just started to get up and come into us at random times. My husband at first was a little concerned to be honest more about what other people would think if they knew, however we never tell her to go or put her back in her own bed and we both actually quite like it and enjoy the cuddles. I think it's just a reassurance thing and there is no harm in at all and in actual fact it's a reassurance for us that she still needs us too. I would agree with everyone here and if it works for you and your family then why worry ? after all they are still only little.

[Velvetee]

I slept with my parents until I was about 9 or 10 and can't say it made me happier or more content than other children. I don't think I'd want my kids sleeping with me. I believe the marital bed is for couples only.

[tgm1974]

God this makes me feel more comfortable sleeping in with my son. Since my son was born I cuddled him to sleep as I loved the feeling of closeness with him. He would go into his cot of a night, after falling asleep cuddling me, but wake a few times through the night. We tried the controlled crying for all of about 10 mins then my partner took over and settled him down - he would always sleep at the side of his cot for 10 mins whilst he drifted off. We would always be woken alot through the night to the point we would bring my son in our bed. I then decided that the bed really wasnt too big for all of us so I made up a bed in his room .... a single mattress (plus a camp bed mattress as padding). He seems to like to know we are there but will always end up turning his back on us to go to sleep ---- its like he wants his own space. Last night for the first time I left the room after he had woken twice (around 10pm and 11pm) --- I then didnt hear from him til 6am but did check on his at 4.30am (he had rolled off the mattress onto the camp bed mattress). Im just hoping that this is his independant side coming out now and he will sleep more on his own, in his own room .. if not then Im more than happy to share his room with him!

Cos my sister has 2 children and they both go to bed without any issues and sleep through (in their cots) then Ive always felt I was doing something wrong. Its nice to know that Im not the only one who likes to sleep with their baby and who also has a baby who loves their Mummy so much :-)

[LoftyLottie2]

One of the most natural things in the world is for an infant to sleep with it's mother. Eventually, children will choose to sleep alone of their own accord. I still think back to the wonder of sharing our bed with a child and the total togetherness and feeling of well-being.

I totally agree with Noxs' posting. Security as a child leads to confidence in later life.

[luwarm]

My daughter slept with me until she was nine! Even now she will sneak in for a cuddle and she is twelve. Fortunately she now sleeps on her own and is fine. It didn't harm her and she adapted to her own bed easily. In fact I miss her soft little warmness and would love to go back to when she was little. Make the most of your little ones. Before long they wont want anything to do with you at all!