Scratching/hair pulling 16 month old

[tgm1974]

Is anyone experiencing the above with their toddler??

My son has been doing this for some time now and its getting extremely annoying. When he wakes in the morning he claws at your face (if you dont get out of the way on time) ... he will randomly smack you or try and grab your leg/hand to bite it ...... the hair pulling is my all time hate as he can get a really good grip.

When he is happy and playin then this behaviour rarely comes into play .... but even saying NO - or tapping the back of his hand with a NO wont stop it. Ive dont the "naughty time" with him and ignored him but he just screams til you go to him, etc.

The other day he smacked my partner on the face and I said "naughty, now give Daddy a kiss" ... which he did so Im adament he understands. Need to get some control on this before the terrible 2's kick in - if they already havent!

[mountainboo]

I don't know if I can give advice, but my son does exactly the same thing. He is only 12 months old though and I don't think he quite understands that it hurts.

He will quite happily use me as a climbing frame through the night and pulls a few strands of my hair (which really hurts). He has started slaping and bites my shoulder when I carry him. This morning I said 'No, that's naughty' and immediately put him down and turned my back. Then I realised I put him on the bed and had to back to him so he didn't fall off...doh! Even then he just looked at me.

They encourage you to do the ignore thing. Your son should get the message, especially if he screams when you do ignore him.

Good luck

[andy-hughes]

If it's any consolation, all little ones do this.

They grab at what ever is available because they are exploring the world around them, and yes they have a disproprtionately strong grip, and yes it hurts!

The way round it is to be quick when he reaches for your face or hair. Cup your hand around his so he can't grab you, and push his hand away gently but firmly. At the same time, make eye contact with him and say "No!" in a firm, buit not shouted voice, and keep eye contact with him with a stern expression for as long as you can.

It takes loads of patience, but if everyone does it every time, he will get the message.

As soon as he stops grabbing when you say "No!" without the need to hold his hand, praise lavishly with kisses and smiles.

All babies need training in social behaviour - this is just one more aspect of that. I wouldn;t be inclined to go down the 'ignoring' route at this age. He is too young to equate his behaviour with a punishment, so he won't learn the lesson you want to give him, he will simply be distressed when you withdraw from him and he doesn't understand why.

It does work - I speak as a specs. wearer with two grandchildren, and another one on the way!

[tamborine]

Treat him likewise so he knows how it feels.

[Picky]

Hi tgm1974

I know it is really hard work when they're like this, baby Picky went through this for what felt like ever! With him, it was scratching and hair pulling and ripping my glasses from my face, but I promise it doesn't last forever. We did exactly as Andy said, and everytime he did it, held onto his hand and firmly said no. We were consistent with doing it and he did get the message.

I personally wouldn't recommend treating him the same way as suggested by tamborine, although I'm sure you appreciate the 'advice'.

Anyway, best of luck, Baby Picky is 2 now and he's done with this phase.

Take care

Px

[andy-hughes]

No good tamborine - he is too young to make the connection between hurting someone and being hurt in return. Babies are not mentally sophisticated enough to understand the concept of hurting another person, they just explore the world as their senses tell them.

[tgm1974]

Thanks everyone for the advice and I will try to carry on the NO as Im doing - just sometimes he does it after throwing a mood with me so even though I wont retaliate like some suggested .... its hard not to get mad inside. Mainly seems to be first thing in the morning when he wakes up ... or if he throws a temper cos he wants something he cant have

[Velvetee]

Oh God, do I have all this to come? People keep telling me boy toddlers can be extremely violent, with the smacking, pinching, biting and kicking. Is it wrong to bite or pinch them back, like in the old days?

I really don't think I'll have the patience to tolerate this kind of thing and not sure how I'll cope. I can't abide brattish behaviour by other people's kids at the best of times, what will I do with my own?

Sorry can't offer any advice, I have no idea how this can be dealt with. I'm really scared!!

[tgm1974]

Trust me it is very hard not to snap back - I must admit that ive snipped him back when he has bitten my hand or something .. not to the point he does but so he knows it could hurt. The other day he scratch my face and put his finger into my mouth - i nearly bit the finger in half. Ive started to put his (unused) dummies in my mouth so I bite the handle of them!! Along with some deep breathing!!

[Velvetee]

It really takes alot of patience to be a parent. I'm not the most patient person and do wonder how I will cope, with similar situations. Maybe it's all just to test us. I hope he eventually grows out of this.

[kylie1988]

Hey I am a nursery nurse and we have a child who does this. I can understand how frustrated you feel as the parents of this child does too. I dont think it is a personal thing from the child but it could be because its their way of communicating and they dont understand that it is not appropriate behavior. I dont personal use the word 'naughty' with any child. It may because we are not allowed in the nursery. The reason for that is because sometimes children get confused. They think that they are naughty instead of what they are doing is naughty. Maybe if you could go down to eye level, use eye contact and say for example. Do not smack daddy because it hurts daddy and makes him sad. Can you say sorry to daddy? then encourage him to say sorry and then praise him. Be consistent with this and you should see a difference.