ending a relationship

[vikki67]

y is it so hard....im emotionally blacmailed into staying with my partner of 14 years..i dont love her anymore and am only staying because the last time i left she got the mental health team involved and i felt so ashamed,she was a wreck and was put on all sorts of pills, then miraculously the minute i came back she made a full recovery....she now keeps saying if id stayed away she would have killed herself...i feel guilty that i dont love her and feel terrible that she feels the way she does,but its killing me to stay,im so stressed and angry all the time,while she swans around as if nothing is wrong,the reason i fell out of love is that she is very controlling and jealous,please help before i end up having a breakdown.

[Pigletion]

You have to leave. Explain to her why, why it's bad for her and why it's bad for you. Her emotional blackmail is not a reason to stay. I know that seems hard, but they are an adult. You can discuss her mental issues with her if it would help, point her in the direction of help etc., but she's not your responsibility.

Hope you can work it out

[andy-hughes]

I totally sympathise, but Pgletion is right, you must leave.

Everyone is ultimately responsible for themselves.

If the worst thing happened, and your ex-partner took her life, then you would have to tell yourself that you were not to blame - and believe it. No-one can be held to ransom in a dead relationship in this way.

It sounds like your partner is manipulating you, and you ned to move on for both your sakes, so you can both learn to love again for the right reasons.

If you say you are going, and she says she will kill herself, tell her that you would be very sad, but that is her choice to make, and not a reason to keep you there with her.

Be strong - you'll be glad you did, and the chances are, in the end, so will she.

[condom]

Is this a Lesbian relationship? Same sex relationships are like this more than straight relationships. I know you probably dont like men but have you ever tried a ladyboy? You may find you develop a more mature and stable relationship.

[sn�gs]

And what would you know about mature and stable?

[condom]

more than you obviously.

[wolf63]

Has she got any family that would look out for her if you left? Maybe another friend who will look out for her - not to take on any responsibility but to see if she is in a bad mental state?

She surely must realise that she is hurting by making you stay. And her pain after the break-up of the relationship will not last forever.

[brenda]

The nature of the relationship is not the issue here.The poster has a serious dilemma.

Try if you can to set up what support you can , and then for yourself move out.

Good luck sincerely.
B

[juleejules]

Y is it so hard to leave? because once you loved her. However, I think you should leave asap, you are not happy! She is not your responsibility and as the previous time you left she got the Mental health team involved you know she has the best support (professional!) available. I wouldn't go into great depths about the ins and outs of her mental health state or the history of your relationship, just show her your post on Answerbank - it says it all, no frills etc. etc. just your heartfelt feelings.