terrible 1's

[x_Leila_x]

HEELLLLLP!!

My 18 month old daughter has started to really throw strops when she cant get what she wants - she becomes heartbroken, her flood gates open - the lot. She is the only child and i try not to spoil her, i dont give her everything she wants and i never give in, But this has started to show at nursury - where am i going wrong? x

[andy-hughes]

You're not!

Part of any child's development is to learn where the barriers are, and then push them. You respond with firm but fair discimpline and she will respond.

If you have said 'No' firmly, and she kicks off, walk away. Tantrums are designed to get attention - remove the attention, the tantrum stops. Before long, your little angel will learn that if she throws shapes in supermarkets, people will look, and you will be embarassed. Same response, trun your back on her until she stops, which won't be long.

In time she will learn that screaming fits are not only tirin,g they don;t work, and she ill stop them, you just have to be patient and ride this phase out.

All mums worry that they are getting it right - no-one does get it right all the time, but you will learn as you go, and so will your daughter.

Remember, boundaries are there to be laid down, and adhered to, that way lies a secure child, who will push you, but you have to make sure you always win.

[warpig3]

As Andy says, she is learning the boundaries and then pushing them.

My one does exactly the same thing. she will be up poking at something or other but just before she does it she looks around to see if anyone is watching, then she goes ahead regardless. She knows she is doing something she shouldnt but still tries to get away with it. When she is scolded you would think we had smacked the legs off her or something, she is inconsoleable for around 30-60 seconds then she is back up there trying her luck again!!!!

Dont be fooled, they are smarter than we give them credit for.

[Solarjunkie]

Everything is "of the moment" at that age, they have no concept of "later".
Give her some control of her life, eg hold up 2 tops and ask which one she would like to wear. She gets "her own way" and you get a smiling child who feels grown up! The more she feels involved, feels that you are saying yes (yes, you can wear the top you chose out of a short list of 2!) the more content she will feel.
The recommendation is to try and say yes 8 out of 10 times - try counting and see if you are coming over as more negative than you realise.
Good luck!

[x_Leila_x]

Thank you everyone for your advice - i no everyone says "there all the same" at this age - but at that moment you feel its only you in the world...Im scared she will turn into a horrible child and have no friends - im worrying ahead i think for no reason ... x