anger

[mahoneyx4]

my6 year old is quick to get angry.how do i help him?

[Doolallygirl]

Don't respond to him when he talks to you in an angry tone. Tell him why you aren't talking to him. He will soon learn that by getting angry he will not get a good response. There may be a good reason for his anger, maybe a learning difficulty? Bullying at school. All sorts of different things cause reactions in children. Maybe if you can find a reason for his anger you could sort it out a lot easier?

[zgma]

Is there something at school or home that is frustrating him (a bully, a teacher he doesn't like, a new baby)? I would try to figure out the source of the anger, like Doolallygirl says. However, I think you should be wary of teaching him that anger is unacceptable... boys in particular in our society are taught that, and then when they don't know what to do with their anger, it manifests in dangerous ways. Much better to teach him that anger is okay, but there are good ways and bad ways of expressing it. Saying to you "I'm angry at you" is a fine way of expressing it; throwing something at you is not fine. When he's angry, you could try suggesting ways of working through his anger or redirecting it that are acceptable, like talking to you about it, drawing about it, dancing or something else physical.

[j20]

Show him the back of your hand - frequently !!!

[parkerwayne]

show him who the boss is.Clip round the ear will do the trick.Worked with me.

[Lindy Loo]

Great suggestion parkerwayne, but the laws have changed since then! (I assume you were the one who received a clip round the ear.) It is no longer an option whether we agree with it or not. I prefer the answers posted by Doolallygirl and zgma. They are both constructive.

[zgma]

A clip round the ear will teach him that hitting is an acceptable way to express his anger! Especially hitting people who are weaker than you.

[mahoneyx4]

Thank you for the advise on my 6yr old who's quick to anger. But what do I tell him when he's screaming at his friends because thier not sharing. or he throws a anger fit when we tell him to come home. mahoneyx4

[enigma]

Do you give your son pocket money ? I find that an effective way of controlling rage such as this is to reward the good behaviour and punish the bad behaviour , in a constructive manner. For example , tell him that you will give him x amount of money for the week which will be payable on say a Friday for example. Buy him a "special" piggy bank - solely for money for good behaviour. Break the amount down into a daily figure and tell him that every time he misbehaves , he will lose a penny from his daily allowance. Encourage him by telling him what he could buy from his pocket money if he has a lot at the end of the week. It gives him something to strive for and gives you bargaining power. Don't just automatically take a penny from him for bad behaviour , try to reason with him first and turn him to face you directly as you explain to him firmly that you don't want to have to take his money away but if he can't behave then you will have to. Let him feel that you really don't want to do this but it is as a last resort and remind him of what he could have from his little stash at the end of the week and let him put the money at the end of the day in his little bank. You could also draw up a chart to put on your fridge door with smiley faces for that day's good behaviour or sad faces for bad behaviour. I know that it can be very frustrating when dealing with a child who is displaying bad behaviour but try not to respond to it by getting angry yourself. Instead , say to him firmly but calmly that shouting is not acceptable in your house and that you will listen to him when he stops shouting , then turn away from him to ignore the bad behaviour.

[enigma]

Do you know why he gets so angry ? He may feel frustrated because he feels that no-one listens to his point of view. I agree that I don't think he should be taught that it's wrong to feel angry because we can all feel angry sometimes - I believe that he just needs to learn positive ways to channel that anger constructively. Often with children , it seems best to encourage them to cross their arms over their body and stamp their feet if they wish to. This is much better than them screaming blue murder or worse , venting their anger on other children by hitting them. It's a long slow process trying to stop bad behaviour but perseverence will pay off and it won't last forever. I hope that this helps you mahoney. All the best x

[Sifter1978]

the only way you can sort it is action and action fast. give him pocket money, every time he disobeys you/is naughty take a certain amount off of him. if it gets to the point where he has no cash, dont let him have treats, or take some toys away from him ( the one thats easiest to control is the best!) my partners little boy had a lot of pent up anger An effective was to take his controller for his Playstation2. seeing as though thats what he played on most, that was what worked best. also, grounding near standard until things improve. this worked very very well in our situation

[chillirabbit]

I know how you feel!  Having tried everything I could think of, I took my son to a Homoepath.  We now have a MUCH calmer child who is easier to talk to . It took a few visits to get the right remedy, but I think we've cracked it.  I think different parts of different kids brains develop at different rates, and this can be really hard to cope with.  Good Luck!