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Happily married but.........
14 Answers
well the thing is, ive been dreaming(nearly every night) about a customer who comes into my work, hes what we call a regular, and we have the usual chat bout the weather etc. its really getting to me, ive always thought he was a pleasent chap but not in a fancying way. after the first dream about him(we kissed in the dream) i started thinking do i like him like that or not, but the dreams keep coming, and we are still having the usual conversations, but now my heart beats faster etc, i feel like telling him whats going on, but im happily married and dont want to start anything i cant finish. i just dont understand whats going on!
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I think i agree with Legend here kitten, it just sounds like a little crush but its been brought on by your dream. No harm in it, it will pass. We are all human and no matter how happy we are with someone we love, we can still have a soft spot for someone else.
Dont go worrying about it and making it bigger than it is, just enjoy the feeling of the butterflies! :-)
Dont go worrying about it and making it bigger than it is, just enjoy the feeling of the butterflies! :-)
You could always introduce it as a fantasy into your relationship , it would inject a little raz mataz for you both as a couple,
The cleaner where i work told me she had a dream about me and her , she told me everything , and said i didnt dissapoint her on the desk ..lol, It did make me smile and feel good about myself , somebody dreaming about moi?? lol
The cleaner where i work told me she had a dream about me and her , she told me everything , and said i didnt dissapoint her on the desk ..lol, It did make me smile and feel good about myself , somebody dreaming about moi?? lol
When the fantasies become too regular, I think it's time to start looking at the relationship you already have. Do you and your husband still have fun? Do you still tell each other that you love them? No harm in dreaming about someone - it's not as if you can help what comes into your mind, but could be the start of the "rot" setting in.
DO NOT tell the guy. You know nothing about him really. You could easily find youself on a landslide into a tumult that will consume your life. It is very easy to imagine this man is a lot of ideal things that he almost certainly isn't. The perceived potential of an unknown person almost always exceeds the reality of someone we already know.
What you do have with this guy is some chemistry. Just because you marry someone it does not mean you will never come across someone else you find attractive at some level. It is a turning point in many marriages and the outcomes are very difficult to predict.
Your dreams are responding to a sublimimal attraction. Intellectually and consciously you have no intention of acting on the attraction and probably every time you have the dream you wake up because it conflicts so much with your sense of reality. Unfortunately the more you deny it the more it will pervade your subconscious.
When you shut out the fantasy at the exciting point, (like just after the kiss) the exit emotions are pleasure and excitment so it actually builds the sense of attraction in the subconscious.
Rather than supress it you need to embrace the concept and allow yourself to contemplate the real impact of having an affair. When you awake from the dream allow yourself to continue with all the outcomes. Let these feelings such as the loss of honesty and intimacy with your husband be as real as the pleasures
in the dream and you will come to more sensible perspective with the whimsical attraction to this man compared to the the life you have now both consciously and subconsciously.
The immediate danger is how this spontaneous fantasy is affecting your behaviour. Something like this can really destabilise even a good relationship remarkably quickly. There are many spiralling paths to destruction.
What you do have with this guy is some chemistry. Just because you marry someone it does not mean you will never come across someone else you find attractive at some level. It is a turning point in many marriages and the outcomes are very difficult to predict.
Your dreams are responding to a sublimimal attraction. Intellectually and consciously you have no intention of acting on the attraction and probably every time you have the dream you wake up because it conflicts so much with your sense of reality. Unfortunately the more you deny it the more it will pervade your subconscious.
When you shut out the fantasy at the exciting point, (like just after the kiss) the exit emotions are pleasure and excitment so it actually builds the sense of attraction in the subconscious.
Rather than supress it you need to embrace the concept and allow yourself to contemplate the real impact of having an affair. When you awake from the dream allow yourself to continue with all the outcomes. Let these feelings such as the loss of honesty and intimacy with your husband be as real as the pleasures
in the dream and you will come to more sensible perspective with the whimsical attraction to this man compared to the the life you have now both consciously and subconsciously.
The immediate danger is how this spontaneous fantasy is affecting your behaviour. Something like this can really destabilise even a good relationship remarkably quickly. There are many spiralling paths to destruction.
.....continuing
For example the realisation of the power of forbidden attraction within oneself can lead to paranoia that one's partner might have already cheated. The guilt and suspicion build up and destroy emotional intimacy. The fantasy person becomes even more compelling as a way to rediscover emotional intimacy.
Even taking a small step toward the fantasy such as saying something will create a huge guilty secret. It becomes almost preferable to think that your husband is having an affair so you don't feel like such hypocryte so you acuse him of it. Contemplate these kind of outcomes too and it will help break down the fantasy.
It is a very difficult situation to get help because unlike many other things you can't really talk it over with anyone or rely on sharing it with your partner. A lot of guys don't cope with their wife telling then she is having dreams of other men. However left untreated your fantasy is going to ultimately damage your relationship just as badly.
When I experienced fantasies of another woman I tried very hard to supress the idea. Eventually I woke up with pleasurable dreams of having just had sex with her and it derailed me because I was a committed husband. I couldn't cope any longer and told my wife how ashamed I was of being unfaithful in my dreams.
As it turned out she also had experienced similar problems and we talked a lot about it. It did stir up a lot of stuff in our relationship but it also ultimately brought us closer togther. I believe that it is at least in therory the best solution if it works out. However I know another couple who fell apart when the woman came to her husband for help in similar circumstances to yours.
You and your husband probably also need to make more effort for a bit of romance in your lives. It will help you dream about him instead and you will be a lot happier than persuing a fantasy that will bring a lot of
For example the realisation of the power of forbidden attraction within oneself can lead to paranoia that one's partner might have already cheated. The guilt and suspicion build up and destroy emotional intimacy. The fantasy person becomes even more compelling as a way to rediscover emotional intimacy.
Even taking a small step toward the fantasy such as saying something will create a huge guilty secret. It becomes almost preferable to think that your husband is having an affair so you don't feel like such hypocryte so you acuse him of it. Contemplate these kind of outcomes too and it will help break down the fantasy.
It is a very difficult situation to get help because unlike many other things you can't really talk it over with anyone or rely on sharing it with your partner. A lot of guys don't cope with their wife telling then she is having dreams of other men. However left untreated your fantasy is going to ultimately damage your relationship just as badly.
When I experienced fantasies of another woman I tried very hard to supress the idea. Eventually I woke up with pleasurable dreams of having just had sex with her and it derailed me because I was a committed husband. I couldn't cope any longer and told my wife how ashamed I was of being unfaithful in my dreams.
As it turned out she also had experienced similar problems and we talked a lot about it. It did stir up a lot of stuff in our relationship but it also ultimately brought us closer togther. I believe that it is at least in therory the best solution if it works out. However I know another couple who fell apart when the woman came to her husband for help in similar circumstances to yours.
You and your husband probably also need to make more effort for a bit of romance in your lives. It will help you dream about him instead and you will be a lot happier than persuing a fantasy that will bring a lot of
i used to have the same problem when i worked at supermarket, there was this geeza that worked there 2 we got on well, he was no oil painting we got on well, dont get me wrong he was really nice to me, but i started dreaming bout me 2 so when he suggested we started seeing eachother i couldnt bring myself to do it, cos iknow i wouldnt of stayed with him, i would just see this man as a friend, u may regret it if u decided to take things further, oh and dont wreck ur marriage just cos u get butterflies it aint worth it
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