teenage son

[Spellbound]

my son is 17 and will do nothing to get a job, I have had nothing but trouble with him for years. I am on anti-depressants and the whols situation is making me ill. I want him to move out, how do I stand?????

[Philtaz]

Are things really that bad? If so then you'll have to change the locks when he is out, having first outlined your plans to him for him to leave. 2 weeks notice should be sufficient unless you are prepared to give him longer. After that, you may have to resort to a restraining order preventing him any access to your property. Does he have anywhere else to go? A friend or relative that may put him up until he finds a place of his own via the counciletc? If you are serious about him leaving then you may well have to resort to the measures I've outlined, unfortunately.

[Louisa55]

He is actually your complete responsability untill he's 18... Then you should outline your rules and tell him what is going to happen

[hectic]

I would suggest sending him to a childrens home, my mum did it to me when i was a teenager and doing a lot of things i shouldn't have and it really made me wake up and realise what i had at home, as they only let you out for short periods of time and have strict rules that you have to abide by or you get confined to the centre, it would be a hard but effective lesson

[andy hughes]

Perhaps hectic's answer is more of a last resort - effective though that may be. First off, try a little 'tough love'. Sit him down, and quietly and calmly explain that as he is not in education (I assume not, from your info.) then he has to pay his way. Accordingly, until he divies up a minimum �30.00 per week board, all your servics provided from your motherly love, will cease. That means no cooking, no cleaning, no washing, no ironing - no access to TV, phone and so on, and MAKE IT STICK! I know as a mum you want to look after your child, but he is a grown man, and it's time he started acting like one, and you will help that process by treating him like one. Be firm, but loving, and if he doesn't like it, change your locks when he is out, Just because he is your son does not give him carte blanche to treat you this way - this relkationship os two-way, if he wants love and support, he has to offer it as well. This is the real world turns - it's time he joined in.

[justachilgrl]

simply tell him get a job and pay rent or get out. but i do agree he should be 18 before he can be kicked out. no matter how awful it is try and stick through it til then at least if not put him in a boys home.

[anniebabe]

I agree with andy hughes Tough Love but PLEASE DO NOT SEND YOUR SON TO A CHILDRENS HOME. My friend was thrown out by her mother for the usual teenage things of staying out late and fighting with her sister when she was 15 or 16 (which i thought was a bit extreme). She was sent to a childrens home where she met people who were in trouble with the police, were on drugs and so on and they dragged her down with them. She was then moved to bedsit and was doing all sorts of drugs with her "friends" from the home when she fell pregnant and now at 18 she lives alone with 2 kids, does drugs and is well known to the police. Your son just sounds lazy. This kind of action could well destroy him just like it destroyed my friend.

[Witts end]

I know just how you feel!!! I have a 16 year old daughter who has been advised by a connexions adviser that the state will get her a flat and she can get benefits! She left home a week ago and I have not heard from her. This was all because I would not let her go to a nighclub with an 18 year old girl and her mother.

 

Tell him to contact connexions and they will give him all the help he needs!!!!!! Good luck from an understanding mother