Quizzes & Puzzles7 mins ago
vent
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its funny isnt it? you think your around people who care or would atleast support you when you need it. well, sure people care...atleast i think they do...but anyways.
almost four months now ive had this f***ing stupid costochondritis. Even in the throws of it, i had a mum who wouldnt listen to me, who claims to be a nurse, who claims to help, instead she looks at me, in disbelief im struggling to be breath, even if it was through panic. Of course it was through panic. I felt like i was having a heart attack. But she didnt even look at me. She sat there playing a stupid match three in a row computer game. So i walk into a different room and learn to ride it out.
I learned that early. Mental pain and torture i can deal with. But when i feel like my own life is in question, when i bring up blood when i feel my chest cave in, when i cant take a breath of air in...i dunno, guess i just wanted someone to just say "look...you aint gonna die, just ride through it" ha. Thats a joke.
almost four months now ive had this f***ing stupid costochondritis. Even in the throws of it, i had a mum who wouldnt listen to me, who claims to be a nurse, who claims to help, instead she looks at me, in disbelief im struggling to be breath, even if it was through panic. Of course it was through panic. I felt like i was having a heart attack. But she didnt even look at me. She sat there playing a stupid match three in a row computer game. So i walk into a different room and learn to ride it out.
I learned that early. Mental pain and torture i can deal with. But when i feel like my own life is in question, when i bring up blood when i feel my chest cave in, when i cant take a breath of air in...i dunno, guess i just wanted someone to just say "look...you aint gonna die, just ride through it" ha. Thats a joke.
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vibrasphere - do you really think my mum was selfish...? i suppose ive never thought about it like that before....but now youve said it i can understand why you would say that looking from the outside...and i suppose your right really...
its funny cuz i even remember a time when my sister was having problems with other kids at swimming lessons, and she asked me to come along because she wanted me there to calm her down cuz she knew that she would get heated with other parents and knew that she would only cause more trouble - i even remember saying to her i didnt wanna come along just because you want me there to help you stay calm - i remember that cuz it was the first time id said what i honestly thought - i dunno how but i know she somehow managed to get me to come along...
i can be very deafeatest and yet still be understanding of other people, so i remember thinking "i give up then" but still kept listening to all her problems and although i honestly wanted to help i realise now that in some way because of it i did grow up way way too fast - i felt like i went from child hood, to adult over night - and now im only 24 but i feel like 40, have had kids, and dealt with all the hardships of marrage and family life even before experiencing it with my own family, wife, partner, kids, etc. I feel like ive had money problems, family problems, kid problems even before ive actually had it first hand...its strange...
its funny cuz i even remember a time when my sister was having problems with other kids at swimming lessons, and she asked me to come along because she wanted me there to calm her down cuz she knew that she would get heated with other parents and knew that she would only cause more trouble - i even remember saying to her i didnt wanna come along just because you want me there to help you stay calm - i remember that cuz it was the first time id said what i honestly thought - i dunno how but i know she somehow managed to get me to come along...
i can be very deafeatest and yet still be understanding of other people, so i remember thinking "i give up then" but still kept listening to all her problems and although i honestly wanted to help i realise now that in some way because of it i did grow up way way too fast - i felt like i went from child hood, to adult over night - and now im only 24 but i feel like 40, have had kids, and dealt with all the hardships of marrage and family life even before experiencing it with my own family, wife, partner, kids, etc. I feel like ive had money problems, family problems, kid problems even before ive actually had it first hand...its strange...
If anyone says anything negative to you- always seek a second opinion + make sure that second opinion is from someone wise!! Also, keep with sound/goodcompany only( family or friends) that purely build you up so that your self esteem will grow/give you the necessary strength to move on to better choices/better places. Over time, you will make peace with your past. Yet, right now- get yourself into a good place with good people + be your own best friend.
If you want inspiration then watch videos of Nick Vujicek on UTube , too. You have some really good posters here so listen to them please.Be careful, too, with trusting others until you know them well. Now, must go to have some lunch before faint ;-) Take excellent care Danny. Warm wishes, Bea:-)
If you want inspiration then watch videos of Nick Vujicek on UTube , too. You have some really good posters here so listen to them please.Be careful, too, with trusting others until you know them well. Now, must go to have some lunch before faint ;-) Take excellent care Danny. Warm wishes, Bea:-)
thanks for your advice Beatrice35 - as for telling my parents...
its...i dunno. it feels so difficult. as much as i want to blame my mum and be angry with her, in a sense i dont. I love my mum to peices. Ya know she taught me so much about important things, like morals, understanding, seeing things from different perspectives, life stuff. It feels wrong to start telling her i feel like she used me when i was a kid.
In fairness to her (im defending her...) she has a husband who does genuinley come across like he couldnt give a f**k. ya know, like he wouldnt get involved with me or my sister, would let my mum deal with "everything", which is why she got so stressed so quick, and sometimes at the smallest of things. she even had a nervous breakdown and its like dad wasnt there for her, i was. I was the one up at 2am with her talking things through. dad made some random comment, then marched up to bed at 2100 - always.
so i can understand why she would use me to vent off or ask for help and advise to some extent. I was there, i would listen, i wouldnt argue, and i would even genuinley try to help.
Its just now the knock on effect is...when i want help...i feel insanly uncomfortable asking for it, because im not used to asking, and when i do i feel like she doesnt listen, just has a go at me, we shout, and thats it. I feel worse then. so i feel like i should just not bother talking about that sorta stuff to her.
But like ive said i feel such conflict because i do honestly love her. Shes a brilliant mum other aspects. is it wrong to feel resentment for her because she has flaws? that seems unfair when everyone has flaws.
its...i dunno. it feels so difficult. as much as i want to blame my mum and be angry with her, in a sense i dont. I love my mum to peices. Ya know she taught me so much about important things, like morals, understanding, seeing things from different perspectives, life stuff. It feels wrong to start telling her i feel like she used me when i was a kid.
In fairness to her (im defending her...) she has a husband who does genuinley come across like he couldnt give a f**k. ya know, like he wouldnt get involved with me or my sister, would let my mum deal with "everything", which is why she got so stressed so quick, and sometimes at the smallest of things. she even had a nervous breakdown and its like dad wasnt there for her, i was. I was the one up at 2am with her talking things through. dad made some random comment, then marched up to bed at 2100 - always.
so i can understand why she would use me to vent off or ask for help and advise to some extent. I was there, i would listen, i wouldnt argue, and i would even genuinley try to help.
Its just now the knock on effect is...when i want help...i feel insanly uncomfortable asking for it, because im not used to asking, and when i do i feel like she doesnt listen, just has a go at me, we shout, and thats it. I feel worse then. so i feel like i should just not bother talking about that sorta stuff to her.
But like ive said i feel such conflict because i do honestly love her. Shes a brilliant mum other aspects. is it wrong to feel resentment for her because she has flaws? that seems unfair when everyone has flaws.
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Danny your situation sounds awful, but you're not helping by being resistant to help (from Samaritans e.g.) and beating yourself up as a result (e.g. "others are worse off, so you're not important" - that's rubbish). You've found supportive sympathy and help by coming here, which hopefully has gone at least a little way to restoring your faith in the goodness of lots of people - and remember The Samaritans DO want to listen to you - that's why they choose that role. Why not give it a go - you need regular contact with someone taking your side, your emotional isolation is likely to become ever more damaging - let the warmth and support already apparent here motivate you to seek further help.
Good luck, and I desperately hope things improve for you.
Good luck, and I desperately hope things improve for you.
Danny, you may be one human out of billions, but you are one very important person, you have brought a tear to my eye reading what you have written, i understand what you are going through, go & speak to your doctor, you dont have to have pills but maybe cognitive therapy will work for you, its just basically talking to someone who is qualified to listen & help you understand, they wont give you answers but will ask you questions & why you feel like that you sorta come to your own decisions & it really helps & makes you a stronger person...
Hi danny, don't know much about your condition so can't help with that but just wanted to send you my good wishes and perhaps a bit of understanding that i do understand the situation you're in.
It sounds like you're regarded as being ' the strong one' in the family, the one everybody else relies on to keep them together and give them suppport so nobody can handle it when you're the one that needs a bit of propping up. It's a bloody difficult place to be sometimes but you probably jusr find yourself doing it anyway when inside you feel like screaming.
I'm sorry you feel on your own with it at the moment, it does help to have a partner or close friend who understands that no-one can be strong all the time and lets you have a good old moan about the things that are bothering you.
You've had a lot of good answers on here from a lot of nice people. Never feel bad about coming on here and talking to us. Answerbank got me through one of my worst times a couple of years ago when I didn't want to 'bother' anybody else in my family.
I know it's not the same as a real person but we can be the ones to tell you it'll be ok and give you the support you need right now.
Do look after yourself, put on your favourite music and ignore the lot of them for a while.
ps. Don't know how you'll relate to it but the lyrics of this song sums up for me exactly how I feel sometimes, especially the last verse -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k70i9HarXB4
It sounds like you're regarded as being ' the strong one' in the family, the one everybody else relies on to keep them together and give them suppport so nobody can handle it when you're the one that needs a bit of propping up. It's a bloody difficult place to be sometimes but you probably jusr find yourself doing it anyway when inside you feel like screaming.
I'm sorry you feel on your own with it at the moment, it does help to have a partner or close friend who understands that no-one can be strong all the time and lets you have a good old moan about the things that are bothering you.
You've had a lot of good answers on here from a lot of nice people. Never feel bad about coming on here and talking to us. Answerbank got me through one of my worst times a couple of years ago when I didn't want to 'bother' anybody else in my family.
I know it's not the same as a real person but we can be the ones to tell you it'll be ok and give you the support you need right now.
Do look after yourself, put on your favourite music and ignore the lot of them for a while.
ps. Don't know how you'll relate to it but the lyrics of this song sums up for me exactly how I feel sometimes, especially the last verse -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k70i9HarXB4
thanks for everyones response - i had a docs appointment at about 3pm, so went there, then decided instead of coming home to just go for a long walk, took my camera with me, and forgot about the world wondering round the little countryside near where i live taking random pictures until my battery went dead!
it kept my mind occupied, i enjoyed been outside and it made me feel much better, although the exercise wasnt such a good idea was in pain when i got back but it was worth it! i forgot how nice british summer days could be, realised how much i missed it.
Thats why i love living where i do, to just be able to take a walk and lose yourself in the world for afew hours.
anyways like i said thanks to everyone for responding i really appreciate it thanks
it kept my mind occupied, i enjoyed been outside and it made me feel much better, although the exercise wasnt such a good idea was in pain when i got back but it was worth it! i forgot how nice british summer days could be, realised how much i missed it.
Thats why i love living where i do, to just be able to take a walk and lose yourself in the world for afew hours.
anyways like i said thanks to everyone for responding i really appreciate it thanks
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