Unfaithful

[Scarlett]

My friend's partner has just admitted to seeing not one but TWO other women over the past 6 months. She said he did it because she has not had sex with him for a year. She said she hadn't had sex with him because she has been angry with him for various reasons- he is lazy/takes her for granted etc.

 

Who do you think is to blame in this situation? Is it unreasonable to expect a man to go without sex for a year without him being unfaithful? Or is that no excuse to stray?

[Mrs_Pegasus]

They both knew there was a problem over a year ago i.e. she didnt have sex because she had issues with him.  Why didnt they try and work it out then?  This man hasnt only gone off just to have sex with someone (unless of course he is paying for it) he has gone and started 2 realationships because he feels he hasnt got a relationship at home.

I cant see any point in trying to proprtion blame here, the deed is done now.  They should both learn from it and move on, preferably without each other. 

[Artful]

A year is a loooong time, isn't it? Especially if it is because over issues of laziness, taking the other forgranted... well, these are points of discussion to work out how to resolve thm. Mrs_Pegasus, I think, has given sound advice.
Who's to blame? Both have arguments for their actions but maybe your friend hasn't done a lot for the situation. Sorry to say that, but...

[brooklyn77]

The bottom line is this, there is NEVER a good reason to be unfaithful. Ok, so they were not getting on, they did not see eye to eye, who was to blame there? Well, maybe no one, maybe after all they just were not suited. Thats life. But It still does not excuse him sleeping away, He had as much chance as her to either end it, or sort the problems out. Instead he buried his head in the sand and played away.

Oh ! What about the no sex for a year? Well when things are not going well in a relationship is it any wonder there is no sex? Why sleep with someone you dont get on with? Both of them are to blame for not sorting the problems out sooner or ending the relationship (although this is a general answer, maybe there is more to the communication problems we dont know about), but he is to blame for sleeping away, no one else. It takes more of man to sort the issues out or finish it than to just sleep with somone else, no matter how tempting it may seem.

I am not a woman, I am a man, so you cant accuse me or being biased either.

If you believe no sex (however long) is a good reason to sleep away from home them, then you must be shallow and you dont deserve to be in a relationship. Anyway if thats how you feel about it then you clearly dont respect or love that person.

[woofgang]

why are these two staying together??? Still I guess if they are together tormenting one another, they aren't going around tormenting other people!!

[jno]

whether or not it excuses it, it certainly explains it. Mrs_Pegasus is right, the real problem dates back a year and is presumably mutual. It seems as if it wasn't a case of sex just not happening: your friend actively withheld it. That's just as much against the rules as sleeping with someone else is (it's the 'with my body I thee worship' bit in the old marriage service; the principle applies outside marriage too). Doubtless they could trace the chain of causes back to the day one of them squeezed the toothpaste tube from the middle; but after a year, there's not going to be much point in doing so. The real question is not who's to blame but what are they going to do about it now? If they both want the relationship to work, they can save it, and perhaps it's time they started trying.

[jno]

...yes, woofgang, as someone once said of the writer Thomas Carlyle and his wife: at least because they married each other, there are two unhappy people not four!

[snoteater]

They deserve each other.