Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Girls are like phones. They love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
:0)