Nursing Home

[starone]

My friend is dieing of cancer. She alternates between the Macmillan Ward in the local hospital and her home. She likes to be home because although dieing she still wants to smoke quite heavily. She has four children, one of them lives abroad, one lives with her. The other two want her to sell her home and go into a nursing home. Can they make her do this against her will? At the moment she is in the Macmillan and I think social workers will probably back up her children against her.

[Rollo]

Nobody can make her sell her home.

The only possibility is that somebody could take over her affairs if it could be shown that she is mentally incapable of making decisions for herself.

That does not seem to apply here from what you have said.

The fact that she is dieing is totally irrelevant.

[Ice.Maiden]

Sorry to hear that your friend's dying, but providing she can receive the care she needs at home, there's no reason why she shouldn't stay where she wants to be.
No one can force her to sell the house, but the children who want this are probably just thinking in terms of things being made easier for all concerned.
However, it's now thought that patients should be encouraged to remain at home if they feel happier there - and most do.
The house sale can't be forced. It's your friend's home, and she can remain there for as long as she wants.

[starone]

Thanks a lot. As perhaps you can guess, it is a great relief to know that she cannot be forced to do what she does not want to do. Now all I hope is that she can withstand any "persuasion".

[brenda]

Has your friend made a will?,Is there husband in this scenario/

She could always make a will ruling out her children and making sure that they know this.If they are just after her assets really , then leave all to someone else , or a charity.

Providing ,as has been said before she is capable of organising her affairs, then she cannot be forced to sell.

Social services cannot make her sell by just agreeing with what the children want.

[Nosha123]

No-one can make her do anything she doesnt want to. Tell her kids to let her die with dignity in her own home amongst familiar surroundings. If they dont listen they are arrogant and ignorant.
She has cancer - she's not mentally ill or with alzheimers. Macmillan will also help her when at home!

[Rollo]

If somebody from Social Services tried to tell me what I should do without me having asked for their advice, I would simply tell them to "B OFF".

[starone]

Thank you so much, everyone who answered. Your answers are so reassuring and supportive.

[Meg]

You say she is a smoker, if she is terminally ill why should this be denied her? My best friend, a smoker ended her days in a hospice (where there was a smoking room). She probably wants to stay at home and have the freedom to puff away when she wants, I don't think she should be moved from her home unless absolutely necessary.