Desperate to have a baby, but my partner is not ready yet

[shelby398]

Both myself and my partner are 31years old nd have been together for 18months. I have never made a secret of my desire to be a mum and my partner has always said that he would love kids one day. Recently my period was nearly 2 weeks late and I was convinced that I was pregnant, but then my period started and I was totally devastated, however I was shocked by my partners reaction, he was totally relieved and glad that it was a false alarm. I really want to start trying more than ever now as I feel that my clock is ticking louder every day but he will not even discuss it, he just says that now is not the right time. I just do not feel like I could wait much longer. Is there anybody that has or is going through a similar issue and if so can you please help as I feel like this is taking over my life!

[Ice.Maiden]

The initial news probably came as a shock to him shelby - if you hadn't actually been disciussing trying for a baby at that stage.
Then when you found that you weren't pregnant, perhaps he was as upset as you, and therefore pretended that now isn't the right time?
On the other hand, this needs discussing, because it could be that he's changed his mind, or that he wants to get things in order financially before embarking on what is, after all, a lifetime's committment.
If it's of any use, my friend's partner was against starting a family, but when she delightedly became pregnant, he began to change. Now, they have a beautiful little boy, and you couldn't meet a better dad! Best of luck.

[damajowi]

I totally know where you are coming from. I had been with my partner for 8 years. I thought we were ready for a baby. We talked about names and everything. Then like you I was convinced I was pregnant, told everyone at work etc. My partner seemed to be relieved. The next month I was pregnant. We now have 4 children and he's a wonderful dad. If you are sure you have a great loving relationship you should go for it. I think men are quite scared for being fathers, I know mine was. But when our first daughter was born he was wonderful

[ELVIS68]

I wasn`t fussed either way when we got married whether we had kids or not, when she said she wanted them I did the deeds and that was that, judging by your partners response if he feels he isn`t ready , scuse the phrase but why is he leaving it in?

[shelby398]

I know he would make a great father and we have even been talking about names.
We are having a few little financial difficulties at the moment but then who isn't and who is to say we will not be having the same problems in 5years time - does that mean that I have to wait 5years?!
Who can honestly say that they can afford to have kids? but people cope.
He has always said that he would do anything to make me happy - this one thing would make me the happiest woman in the world and it's like he will not even consider it.
I feel like this whole thing is taking over my life right now, I pick up the argos catalogue and look at baby stuff, I walk past the shops and can't see past cots, baby clothes and even maternity clothes! And it seems everywhere I look there's pregnant bumps, prams and kids running around. Just how long do I leave it?

[Beanmistriss]

"He has always said that he would do anything to make me happy - this one thing would make me the happiest woman in the world and it's like he will not even consider it."

You're talking about a child - a real living child which he will have to think about and love and take responsibility for for the rest of his life. You can't do something like that just to make someone else happy - you both have to be really really sure. 18 months is not a huge amount of time and maybe he just needs a bit more. Try and make him have one when he's not ready by either talking him into it or by tricking him into it (as some of the other posts seem to be advocating?) would be a terrible mistake. He'll either leave or end up resenting you.

[shelby398]

I do completely agree with what you are saying, I have always said that I want to have children when we are both ready. I guess the advice I am looking for is how to cope with my own feelings at the moment. My mum had 5 miscarriages as well as a stillborn before she was able to have me, I am so scared that history could repeat itself and the longer I leave it the older I get and the harder it could be. I also have an underactive thyroid, which can affect my fertility as I do not ovulate as frequently as most women, I just feel very much like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.