lying husband?

[goldheart]

I dont know what to tell my sister-in law...

we've just been talking and she suspects her husband is upto no good. He rang to tell her he will be late again (he was late the other night and his phone was just ringing and ringing)... anyway she managed to get the number for the workshop where he is working (new job). She had no need to have the number before as she rang him on his mobile - but because he left a receipt out with the workshop details on she it and it too just rang and rang. When he got in she just mentioned it and he said it was unusal as he they didnt hear it ringing or they couldve been outside.... this is not too suspicious but she did wonder at the time why he hadnt rung her. Anyway, I asked her what he said when he got home and simply that his phone pushed itself onto silent in his pocket - I thought this funny but my sister in law has the same phone and hers too does this as the ringer and volume are on the side... however, she believed him more than not I think. Anyway she just rang and he said he would be late again - about 8.30 (ok it doesnt seem late but its 3 hours later than normal) because they're expecting a van to be delivered.... but when he rang what made her suspicious is that he said that they've lost the garage telehpone (they're walk-about types) they accidently smashed one and the other was left in a van that was hired out. So then getting a bit suspicious as to why he would even bother to tell her when she never usually rings this number she rings me.... and asks me to ring the garage number, so I did and her husband answered it!

So, what now? she is ringing me when she finishes work and obviously im going to tell her that he answered but what do you guys think? should she confront?

[acw]

I think he'll probably just say that they found the lost one.  Which could be true. 

Perhaps she needs to sit him down and just ask him outright.  I think NOT asking would cause more damage to their marriage in the long term as your sister-in-law may well get more and more suspicious and/or paranoid until it all boils into a big row whether either:

• She finds out she was right - he's having an affair.  And she'll be devastated.  OR
• She was wrong, but he's so offended by her mistrust that they have a big shouting match. 

Either way that would be very sad.  Therefore nipping it in the bud seems a sensible option.

PS - I obviously don't know your family so my reaction predictions may be WAY off.  Please know though, I haven't meant to be in any way offensive or rude about your family! I also really hope that the suspicions are unfounded and that it all works out... and soon! :-)

[goldheart]

Thanks guys, I think the answer is to not confront yet too. I think she should let things go a bit further first and make sure .

I was halfway writing this and she rang, she has spoken to him on his mobile and he is still at the garage (alone!) and is waiting on this truck - so he should be bringing some cash home this evennig and she said if he doesnt have any then its a lie (as someone else is supposed to be meeting him to buy a car as well).

He had an affair about 4 years ago for a couple of months and they got back together and everything has been going great (although they're a bit stressed with money and argue of late) however he has seriously changed as is a great husband... and this is the first incident (that I know of anyway!) which has caused her to raise her eyebrows... but she's not a paranoid type, she says she has never bought up his past behaviour in arguments.

So... somethings' gotta give and like Andy Hughes says that the signs are going to increase not decrease. So she is going to keep schtum for now and make sure she has access to the bank accounts too!!

[philandlil]

test out his alibi's if hes gona b 3hrs late from work, stop by check hes there or get someone who's voice he doesn't recognise to ring work 30mins after he's phoned ur friend! if his alibi's don't check out at least she'll have reason to have it out with him. 

he may be totally innocent if he's at a new job he might be trying to impress his new boss by doin loads of overtime.  

[jno]

can I politely suggest you stay as far out of this as possible. Taking sides in marital disputes is a recipe for disaster. (Suppose she takes your advice and it all goes wrong, will she end up blaming you? Or if they smooth it over and live happily ever after, would either of them think kindly of you for engineering a confrontation?) Be there for her when she needs you - but that doesn't mean doing her sleuthing for her.

[goldheart]

You see she is a very good friend of mine (before she became sister in law) so its very hard to stay out of it.

Anyway... he came home "earlier" than planned as the other guy came back to work doing a private job and said that he would cover him!  So she is now relieved(ish) but I would say it could lead to further problems and that until something slaps her in the face (like a wet fish!!) she should leave it!

Thanks guys!

[WoWo]

Sounds to me like it's your sister-in-law with the problem and not him.

That might sound a bit rude, but all I could infer from your original post is this bloke has worked late a couple of times and on one occasion his phone was switched off/on silent.

You both tried to catch him out by ringing him, you concluded he's a lying cheating b*stard when I would have concluded that he wasn't out having an affair but was where he said he would be.

Perhaps some trust would be in order.

[goldheart]

You are  right, i see what you are saying... but at the end of the day theres no skin off my nose to find out and I wanted to do it! Call it curiosity or making things worse - whatever - you see I wouldnt put anything past him (cant really go into it now) he HAS been a lying and cheating b*stard but has turned things around, but at the end of the day she is my best friend and my loyalty lies with her!

Cheers

[WoWo]

I wasn't having a go at you goldheart and I'm glad you didn't take my post the wrong way.

If he's been a bit naughty in the past then I suppose it's only natural to be suspicious. But the point I was making was the point you phoned and he was there was when it should have stopped. No need to confront him.

As somebody else said if he is cheating/lying he will be caught out some time.

[goldheart]

Yep - I agree, but I hope not!!

Off thinking about the weekend now, gonna leave the worries of the week behind me!!

Hava good 'en!