at what age

[littlegriff]

at what age do you think we should tell our daughter her dad is not her father, shes 13 now is that to early

[stokemaveric]

13 is a funny age to tell any child such news, personally i would have told her earlier but no doubt you had your reasons not to...if i were you id be preparing myself for a few tears and tantrums....good luck....

[ummmm]

I'd say that pretty late...!!

The younger they are they more they accept things....

[pericat]

Thats a tough question littlegriff - they are very bright at that age and tend to hold things you didnt tell them against you as they get older - but also they are on the cusp of that troublesome age so it is very hard to know. Good luck whatever your decision

[sara3]

she should have grown up knowing the truth, and now you have a task on your hands.

I'd say, the sooner the better... but it's your shout.

[littlegriff]

she was conceived by assault so difficult to explain early as she wouldnt of understood, but she understands about sex now, just worried if i dont say something now she may find out herself now she is at senior school.

[ummmm]

Oh dear. That makes it harder.

How will she find out by going to senior school?

[Sqad]

littlegriff..........I do not think that it us a big a deal as you might think...........a big deal for you and your wife, but for her she will take it well.

I agree with stoke.....at an earlier age would have been better, but no harm done. Personally I would wait until she was 16 yrs old.

I was told that my sister was my mother when I was sixteen years old, but it was only when I was in my mid fifties did I want to know about my father.

Psychologists and others will be at your disposal, but I wish you well.

I never needed such help and I never felt under privileged and she will always look upon you and your wife as her mother and father.

[ChuckFickens]

I was told by my parents before I really understood what it meant and I think that it made it easier for me to deal with it as I grew up as I always knew.

[littlegriff]

her fathers niece and nephew go there, they know there uncle was in prison for assaulting me

[stokemaveric]

im sure if you tell her the details littlegriff,with no holds barred,she would be able to accept the situation,the man she has called dad all these years will still be exactly that...her dad....as long as you reiterate that to her and just reassure her that nothing will change within your family unit im sure things will work out just fine...good luck...

[Pigletion]

if you genuinely think she might here it at school, then you have to tell her. She'll definitely want to hear the truth from you, rather than school yard fiction.

Just be honest. It will be hard for both of you, but sadly it's never going to be easy. As Sqad said you can access counselling/psychologists etc. If she has a Mum and Dad that love her I'm sure you can come out the other side. Probably better now than when she has exams to worry about.

Good luck

[littlegriff]

thanks all, will talk to her this weekend when we are all together,

[Pigletion]

also if you do seek outside help, I would suggest you all go so she doesn't feel like a freak. Not that you would make her feel like that, or she should, but she is a teenager! Obviously going as a family would be beneficial to all anyway.

[littlegriff]

thanks pigleton, i still have councelling now,my husband comes with me so she can come with us if she feels the need, we will get though it together. thanks for your support and advice.

[sara3]

you sound like a strong family unit. I wish you all the best x

[ummmm]

What a horrible dilemma. Best of luck to you all xx

[pericat]

You will get though this littlegriff and your councellor should be some support for you too. We can get through much so more than we think we can and come out stronger at the other side.

[zzxxee]

my heart goes out to you i wish i could talk to you personally i have had a simular experience not with the child not knowing the father thing but something else you mentioned its so hard to carry it around isnt it
do you feel it would be such a bad thing if she never knew at all ???

please dont all knock me for saying this but given certain circumstances it might open up more questions hard for the mother to answer

[littlegriff]

just to let you know she took it alright, we discussed all detail and let her read the newspaper clippings we had kept for this situation she was more upset about what happen to me, then she went upto to my husband and told him she would only ever have one dad and that is him, i was in bits. i am really proud of her my litle girl has grown up to a lovely sensible young lady. thanks for all your advance once again so happy its out of the way we can all get on with our lives now.