A Moral Dillema?

[Mr Veritas]

Hi there,
Although my wife (with advice from me and our extended family) has made up her mind (I hope) on this subject,I would nonetheless appreciate your views on it.

My wife is now 85,and was born a Jew.
She was imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp for 1940 to 1945(she was by then 21) with her Mother and Father and extended family.
Only she and her Mother survived.
I was with the British regiment that relieved the camp,but we did not meet and marry till later.
Now,a Jewish Organisation that tracks down Nazi War Criminals,has (they say) found the the 2nd in command of this camp, and he is being held in a German Jail for trial.(He is now 90)
They want my wife (at their expense) to attend the trial next year and give evidence(both oral and written).
My wife (unless she changes her mind) is intending to refuse.
Why?
She has always said that she does not want these (very painful) memories to be relived again,and she knows it cannot bring back her lost loved ones.
These wounds she has go deep, and have been (partially) healed over,she does not want to reopen them.
She says (probably rightly) that there are many books,TV programmes and films about he Holocaust,so it can never be denied.
She is not the only person that has been asked to give evidence,so if she does not go she will not be missed anyway.Others may be stronger,it could destroy Elsie.
What she suffered was so awful and soul destroying that when we married (1948) she was already a “Non Jew” (she felt her God had renounced the Jews,so she would renounce him) and we married in a Civil Ceremony in Germany
I just wondered what YOU would do in the circumstances?
Thank You.
Alec & Elsie.

[sara3]

wow, that's a toughie, Grandad V!

honestly, I think at 85 she can do what she damn well pleases and good for her. giving evidence at any trial is draining and gruelling, and can be very upsetting.

yes, I'd like to think everyone would give evidence against this piece of ****, but in reality many would find it too stressful. support Elsie like you always have. you have a strong marriage, and this isn't worth any ore heartache xx

and send Elsie my love, she's kind of my virtual nan now :o)

[albaqwerty]

I'm so sorry to hear of this.. my dad (British Army) was in Burma...
I just don't know where to start,, the past is the past etc but getting the nasty little so and so (90) it's going to rake up so many bad memories that maybe should be left where they are. It's not forgiving and forgetting, just a way of dealing with the most horrible things that have happened.
((61years hitched btw many congratulations to you both)x

[welshlibranr]

For what my opinion is worth, and I didn't experience any of the horrors your dear wife did, I think she should stay away, she feels that she has healed to some extent, and if others are willing to testify, then she doesn't need to be subjected to relivng the memories which may be damaging to her, I wish you both well, and hope you decide to stay away...................welsh

[craft1948]

I think it's Elsie's decision alone and although it is good to talk things through (as I'm sure you do) she should not be persuaded to change whatever decision she arrives at, and I'm sure she can count on your support in this.
I cannot begin to comprehend what she went through, and frankly I'm glad, as I don't know if I could be as strong as Elsie had to be to survive.
My best wishes to both of you......

[pericat]

Hi mr v - thank you for sharing your story with us and here's me blubbering over eastenders. I'm with Elsie here - she has to do what's right for herself now and good for her. Other than say that, I cannot imagine what it must have been like. You are both very lucky to have found one another and had a life and family together. She sounds like a strong woman. Love to you both. Gaye

[pastafreak]

I agree to a certain extant with what others have said. But- if it were me... I would want to do whatever was necessary to see this person get the punishment he deserves. It would be not just for myself....but also...and more importantly-for those who died.I know others would be testifying......but I would want to be heard also.

[DEN53]

Evening Mr.V - I think your Elsie sounds a very strong lady, firstly to have survived such a horrendous and painful part of her life - I think her decision not to attend the trial is the right choice for her. The Nazis stole the first part of her young life, so to come back in later years, and rekindle terrible memories, I think would, perhaps, do more harm than good for Elsie.

I would think there must be lots of evidence against this war criminal and other people willing to give their evidence, to bring him to justice. I agree with what others have said, obviously this Nazi will have a team of lawyers, speaking for his defence, and no doubt making the concentration camp prisioners feel they are on trial. It would be emotionally and physically draining for your dear Elsie to attend.

Perhaps another member of your family could attend the trial on behalf of Elsie.

Best Wishes to you both
Love Denise xx

[netibiza]

My grandparents-in-law were also in a jewish concentration camp, and they decided to put all that behind them and very successfully got on with their lives. They didn't let it eat away at them, even though we could, literally see their scares and tattooed numbers.

Let her make up her own mind!

[netibiza]

*scars*

[Nannyjill]

I don't think any of us can say what we would do as we haven't been in that dreadful situation and I think your wife is quite right in saying that she doesn't want to go. Everyone deals with things in different ways and she should do what is right for her. She can't undo what has happened and even having to think to and possibly relive some of those moments when she was asked must have been traumatic enough.

I'm wondering if this is about the guard from Sobibor. Our family have connections to a polish family who have been asked to attend a trial next year of a former nazi but like your wife the answer was no.

No punishment would ever be enough.