i am nrevous

[minimonkey]

ok i am nervous - after 12 month drout (breakup) i have met someone i think i would like to have sex with and i am so worried about it i am putting off meeting him (agsain) - as in my ex got rid of me for a reason so i am am 1) crap in bed 2) fat 3) just rubbish. i know its sounds crazy but i am actually considering saying dont want to see him cos i cant bear the hideousness of it all.....help!!!!

[minimonkey]

ps normally i can spell....sorry!

[minimonkey]

oh god not long... i know its all self doubt and actually my ex never said anything but he left and i never heard from him after (after 2 yrs together) so i have loads of self doubt! its all in my head but i dont know how to get round it!

[China Doll]

Bite the bullet, have sex... Your fears are always better faced.

It won't be as bad as in your head.

[minimonkey]

yeah you know maybe i should but then if he doesnt want to see me after that i will know its me. i am normally a fairly confident person but have been single and not had sex for so long i honestly am scared at the thought! what is wrong with me?

[jno]

so it wasn't your boyfriend saying those things, it's just you judging yourself? No need to beat yourself up. It's bad luck it didn't work out with him, but it doesn't mean you're rubbish, it just means that out of the 3 billion males on the planet you were with one who wasn't Mr Right. It happens. There's no such thing as crap in bed, apart from not actually wanting to do it; as you do want to, like CD says, go ahead. Fat, who cares. The world is full of different shapes and sizes. If he likes you, he won't care. Go ahead, enjoy yourself. Both of you.

[minimonkey]

jno - thanks - you are right!

[minimonkey]

thanks all - just having a bad self indulgent moment!

[jno]

sorry, goodbyegirl, your answer wasn't there when I started. I could see you'd posted one while I was writing, because it came up on the latest posts panel, but I couldn't see what it was!

[minimonkey]

sorry can't remember how to rate answers but everyone gave good answers....esp goodbye girl x

[minimonkey]

thnx hun ...... think i will just go for it ...what the hell!! plus i could maybe lose half a stone in a week ??? kidding when i say fat i mean like a stone over weight btw not 25 st!

[Wotsits31]

Just don't put too much pressure on yourself and everything will be fine. Why don't you invite him over for dinner / takeaway etc... a few glasses, both nice and relaxed and see where the mood takes you.... What will be, will be and I think anticipation is actually a really big turn-on.
Good luck, hope you enjoy x

[ummmm]

Stone over weight....just more of you to hug :-)

[Bbbananas]

Get drunk. Well, not that drunk you're practically comatose, cos that's just another thing you'll worry about. Or not even remember!
Seriously - have a drink to calm any nerves and just launch yourself on him. In a subtle way! Don't worry - once you're into the swing of things, you'll be fine. I know how you feel - I've been there, done that. I also worried about being (slightly) overweight - believe you me, they either don't notice in the throes of passion or more likely don't care anyway... he obviously likes you for what and who you are already.
As for being crap in bed - I'm sure you're not. And I bet you're not fat and certainly not rubbish. Your ex has eaten away at your self-esteem - don't give him the satisfaction. You go get yourself some satisfaction - take no notice of the ex or the Rolling Stones. Go for it, believe in yourself and be happy - I'm sure you will xxxxx

[andy-hughes]

Speaking as a man, I can assure you that doubts and body-image issues on the 'first time' are not s strictly female preserve!

Yes you will feel worried and shy, but think that he is feeling the same as well!

Sex is a pleasure, not a competition - no-one is standing there with a score-board ticking off your technique. Try to relax, don't se t yourself any 'targets', and if he is the guy for you, he will understand and reassure you as you go along.

Good luck - let us know how you go on.

[minimonkey]

ok just thought i'd give you an update! it's all good!!! am happy!