do men have any concept of time?

[baggysenior]

i'm currently experiencing hurt, after my relationship ended 2 weeks ago,(im sure you've heard it all before) Don't get me wrong on paper, i have everything, gorgeous wee girl,(not his)home, job, car, not alot of money but that doesnt matter.EVERYDAY i havent communicated with my ex i've hurt a little more (i see it as he doesnt care for me)and think if he truly wanted me back or wanted to aplogise he would have called by now. i told him i wouldnt chase him after he practically had me begging to see him. I dont think he thought he was good enough for me ie he was on the dole, insecure home adapting to being a dad to his 15 yr old daughter again who recently moved in with him.infertile (had the snip) i'm sure you've heard it all before if you are familiar with my posts -sorry about that.but i have no one else to talk to. (not after sympathy) My question is if he felt anything for me, wouldn't he have been in contact by now? i'm thinking its been17 days since we last spoke. do men think like that. ???????????????(i dont think either of us TRULY wanted the break up)i'm on all kinds of medications for depression and anxiety, but the only thing that seems to help me is talking to you guys. please don't post anything nasty, im trying my very best to find my smile again.

[pericat]

baggysenior - unfortunately I do think he should have been in touch by now - you should move on - hard I know - but there is something better out there for you - this was not meant to be

[pericat]

but maybe a mans opinion here is what is needed

[sara3]

I think you're obsessing about him. you're spending so much time thinking about him.. and it's probably one-sided.

you need to face up to this, harsh though it is, and move on x

[cazzz1975]

I suppose maybe you are seeing him for what he is now?

a mans opinion would be good here right now!

try to stay strong x

[LoftyLottie]

Very difficult to say whether he would have contacted you by now without knowing you both. He may well be trying hard to stay away. However, I don't think men generally are the same as us, counting the days and the hours and just thinking about us. I won't say they are more shallow, but they are not such dreamers and they don't look into things quite as deeply. Women tend to play out situations in their minds and try and work out everything. Men just live day to day. But that's just a generalisation.

I know it's really difficult but try to focus on the good things you have for a while and try and find something to occupy your mind. Anxiety and depression is absolutely horrible and I can empathise.

I hope things come right to you.

Hopefully a man will find this thread and give their point of view.

And 'baggysenior' your user name sounds much like I feel today! ;o)

[tonyav]

baggysenior, I don't quite know what to say about this exept we ( men ) are not all the same. I wish you luck with this and I hope that he contacts you very very soon.

[baggysenior]

i'm not obsessing really, although i know it sounds as if i am. he has alot on his plate, his life is a mess (his own fault) and even if he text to say lets get back together i still think i'd say no, as i know i would be taking a step back. Its just i feel worthless as a woman because my ex husband walked out on me and now this chap hasn't even tried to contact me i can't help but feel, is it me? the last time we separated he said he loved me so much he'd let me go because he knew how much i wanted children and he couldn't offer me that. I saw the tears in is eyes as he gave me the choice to stay or go. Everyone said i should have walked then. i didnt. fool? perhaps, but i feel like there must be something wrong with me? A mans perspective would be good. i have 2 brothers who refuse to mention his name so i cant even ask them their advice!! why do we always want what we cant have and then when we get it we dont want it! in reality i think i might be suffering post traumatic depression because i never cried when my husband left me, and now its all i can do. Any men out there please comment,i would be very grateful.

[sara3]

all single women (and probably men) feel insecure at times. I don't have a man in my life and when I have, they've been more trouble than they're worth. I'm waiting for the right one, and not just anyone to fill the gaps in my life. you deserve better and you know it. and you're not the only single woman out there, I promise you x

btw, I'm not suggesting all men are the same, but I do seem to have met a few iffy ones :o/

[Androcles]

Well, you wanted a male view. To be honest people have responsibilities and I would expect people to live up to them and he should do so, but so should you in terms of maintaining the relationship, if it is worth maintaining.

But I must admit reading your posts, if you are like this in real life, you do seem to go on a bit - have you worn him out trying to listen to you and having hear what you have to say at length, deciding that he may not be able to cut the mustard as far as you are concerned. It may be that you have terrified him and he feels unable to cope so has run away.

Most of what you have had to say about him seems to belittle him (eg on the dole, infertile, insecure etc etc) If you kept saying it no wonder he felt inferior - who knows perhaps he was and doesn't need constant reminding, so has cleared off so he doesn't have to.......?

[tonyav]

baggy, You want children yes. He can't provide you with children due to having the snip, can he not have the snip reversed. but you cannot carry on like this by blaming yourself It can't be all your fault can it .

[Sqad]

baggy....I am not sure that I am what you are looking for, but.............I agree with tony..........however.......many men, the majority I would have thought do not worship the "comfort zone",,family, kids, house as much as the women do and not as much as they think the men do. Basically men get bored with the same routine, bored with the same sex partner and look for some different or more exciting in life. I have no idea if your chap is the same, but the man will always try and placate the woman going even as far as saying...."of course I still love you"....that's what women want to hear, so tell them.

I can understand that your life is in turmoil and that you are on medication, but life is not always fair.

He has gone.....adapt your life.

[tonyav]

Bravo sqad, you hit the nail on the head.

[redman41]

Many of us experience Relationship breakups during our lives myself included, as I am Divorced. The question of blame then comes to the fore as to whose fault it was that the Partnership ended.
It is a matter of compatibility rather than blame as to why relationships fail. You are not a failure baggysenior, and neither is your last partner or your ex Husband for that matter.
If you think carefully about each relationship that you have had you will be able to pinpoint the main reasons why you split up and it is usually that you are not fully compatible with one another.
If the relationship does not work you have to move on with your life however difficult that may seem at this time.
The opportunities to meet someone else will happen again but now is not the time to start looking. You are not ready yet emotionally to start another relationship with a man, but this chapter in your life must come to and end.
Be positive with yourself each day and do not try and revisit the past as it will not work.
I know a Lady who remarried her 1st Husband only to Divorce him again....if it did not work first time then it is not going to work second time around !
A new dawn is around the corner as long as you are positive with yourself. Make new friends by joining a Club or Group and who knows what good things come in the future.
Hope you can understand from a Male point of view and all the best.

[baggysenior]

thankyou all, i didnt mean to sound like i was belittling him. Far from it, he has some amazing qualities to which i often told him. Dodging taxes eventually caught up with him. I do blame myself so very very much for my negative vibes. He regularly smoked cannibis and i never moaned about that, he said he couldnt have more kids i eventually accepted that, i always tried to help steer him the right direction re taxes etc and as for the sex life it was VERY far from being boring. infact on the last day we spoke he said he couldn't wait to see me. He was the homely type, definately not a player. he only had 2 friends and liked to listen to radio 4 (very old man ish! haha) but yes i do blame myself, so i feel like i should contact him but then i'm sure there are people out there shouting NOOO!!!! maybe if you love someone set them free and if they come back they're yours or he wasnt the man for me and move on.

[beso]

I really do get tired of those who generalise their experiences with one man to all men. It is ridicuous and counterproductive. Little wonder some women find it hard to understand men. It is because they expect all to fit into some kind of pattern and when we don't it is assumed there is something incongruous about all men.

If I was treated like this I would get out of the relationship too.

Wake up. Realise that men are individuals or you will never keep one.

[Jessy pie]

He could be hurting like hell and finding it hard not to let go, and he could b waiting for you to contact him. f you truly didnt want to break up with each othr then why did you? Gie him a call or write to him and set the ball rolling again.

[AndThenSome]

I have 3 possible reasons for you...

Sometimes us men can be hardheaded and stubborn maybe he's dying to call you but does not want to be seen as weak?


Maybe he realises that you're too good for him and he doesn't feel worthy?


He has another woman?

[Doolallygirl]

Are you sure you want to be with someone who sounds so bad for you and incompatible? He tax dodges, lives off the state, takes drugs, isn't compatible with you, leaves you hanging on waiting for him.... hardly sounds like catch of the century! Sounds harsh but I think you need to take a hard look at what you really had with him, I'm yet to hear something endearing!