Cant let go

[Jessy pie]

Im probably gonna get lynched for this so here gos. im married but have been seeing someone else for 16 months. She is thelove of my life but we hve both decided to part and move on and i am now working on saving my marrage. However its not that simple, i ant get he out of my head admy partner knows this. I think thatthe problem is that we stll see each other around town and chat etc. We agreed to stay friends with each other, because i dont see why not. Iv no reason to not speak to her. Im ery confused and emotonal because i cant be with the one peson i really love. Will i ever get over her?

[sara3]

ummmm ;o)

sal, you did well girl. good on you x

(and so did he, obviously!)

[tonyav]

Sorry ladies, but sqad is smack on the button with what he has said, Most of you that have posted on this thread are women, So therefore only see Jessy pie's situation through the eyes and mind of a female.

[sara3]

BOO, his heart isn't in it. he wants the younger woman and he can't have her (as 4get says), or he'd be off! they're going to stay friends, so there's no break. it's probably only a matter of time til they're back to where they started, in my opinion.. or he'll just be mooning over her forever. he's not putting his all into the marriage if he wants to stay friends with the lover. and does his wife know they're staying friends? I doubt it.

he hasn't chosen his wife, his other woman isn't offering him what (thinks) he really wants.

[sara3]

Tony, I suspect you are of Sqad's generation!

am I right?
I'm not wrong!

[jackthehat]

I think Jessy pie is rather enjoying playing the love-struck lead in this drama.
"The reason that i cant be with her is that theres a 20 year gap and she needs to enjoy life not be stuck with me", how very self-suffering, how very noble...........how very Barbara Cartland.

Get over yourself Jessy pie (a pet-name ?) and get down on your knees and give thanks every day that your wife has decided to forgive your indiscretion. Cut all ties with this girl. You can't be 'just friends' with her as the past 16 months have shown..........don't give yourself any more opportunities to start making wounded, wobbly-lipped, soulfull looks at her.

[Sqad]

salla.....

"Not all men (and women) who go on dating sites are sad pathetic losers, or just out for an extra-marital sh@g."
.........yeah! right.

sara.....why do you always personalise this on this particular topic....................my wife had an affair....yes....she is human...yes I was hurt.....forgive her?.........nothing to forgive.

Me....like the majority of men (in my experience) have had affairs and so have many married women.

In my opinion an "affair" on either part need not spell the end of a marriage.

[Jessy pie]

Thanks Boo, you seem to be the only one whos on my side here, is that from past experience?

[Robinia]

Would the other woman have really wanted you if you'd turned up on her doorstep with your bags Jessy? Would she have taken on your children if, heaven forbid, something happened to your wife? Probably not.
Stop dwelling on this relationship, be thankful for a second chance. The very best of luck to all of you...although things will never be quite the same again hopefully you'll all find some peace & happiness.

[sara3]

sqad, you've just called sal, her partner and myself, "sad pathetic losers".

thanks for that.

[tonyav]

sara, in answer to your question I am 53 years old and I don't know if I am of the same generation as sqad, because I don't know sqad's age.

[Sqad]

sara....what is it with you?

If that is what you think then so be it.

[sara3]

sqad.. your quote, as above ""Not all men (and women) who go on dating sites are sad pathetic losers, or just out for an extra-marital sh@g."
.........yeah! right. "

Jessy, BOO mentioned you should stop mooning over this other woman, and you haven't.

[4getmenot]

Or sorry I didnt realise you wanted people to be on your side

[Sqad]

sara....if you say so.

[Ankou]

for the record i am not a woman and i am not of sqads generation - there can only be one or two octogenraians on ab right ??

speaking as a husband, mrs kou would never forgive me if this were me, and likewise me her. horses for course, but i see some merit in what jack has said above.

at least we can all rest easy knowing that jessy took 'grat comfort' from the friendly split, rather than relief that his wife was willing to take him back after the youngster got bored . i think we could all discern a lot from that.

[Jessy pie]

Thanks to Boo and Ankou and Robinia for being understanding, the rest of you can carry on bickering on my behalf ! !

[sara3]

sqad, have you lost the plot? it's YOUR quote, not "if I say so"!

[4getmenot]

jessy if you wanted everyone to agree with you then you came to wrong place. Why ask if you only want a certain answer. I'm going to move on to a post where ALL answers are appreciated

[B00]

wouldn't exactly say I was on your side Jessy to be honest, and as for saying do i know from experience....well sort of. I was the one who had the affair and I know how devastating it was for my then husband.

I have to agree with Jackthehat, loved her phrase "wobbly lipped" by the way, it made me chuckle! You need to stop viewing this affair as something akin to Mills & Boon and see it for what it was, a few lustfilled months with a younger woman who quite frankly probably wouldn't put up with your middleaged ways on a 24/7 basis.