Bullying

[karenmac60]

There's a woman at my work who is very very 'nice' all the time. She is a total phoney and comes across to folk as not being that bright but having a heart of gold - till you get to know her. She makes little barbed comments to people and has been really nasty and viscious to a couple of us, but always when there is no one else about. The bosses think she is absolutely lovely, but she is a total trouble maker and is useless at her job, she spends all day talking about shopping and baking and she makes things up all the time. I try to steer clear of her as much as possible as we've had a couple of run ins over the years and she has completely twisted everything to come across as the poor wee victim (a part she plays very well). She has now reported me to my boss for bullying her - she says there are no specific incidents, it's just a general thing, but if I don't stop she is taking it to the union. I even overheard her telling a customer about it today, and how upset she was about the whole thing. Since I've not actually done anything, how can I stop? And how can I prove I've not done anything?

[brenda]

You are going to have tofight fire with fire on this one.
Begin by keeping a record dated of all that happens (keep this at home and discuss with no one)
After a sufficient period 2/3 months ,see your boss and discuss the position
Inform him that unless he /she does something about this situation you will seek union advice and go to ACAS to report the fact that you are being bullied in your work place.
This is not going to be easy for you, but unless you do something positive this will go on forever.Best of luck Brenda.

[Tups]

How about finding a hidden microphone and recorder and have it on your person when you are near her? There are many to be found on 'Covert surveillance' sites on the web. I'm not sure how admissible such evidence would be in court but you could certainly get your boss to listen to it.

[karenmac60]

I've thought about trying to record her, it's just not that often and very unpredictable when she kicks off. The wee comments she could get away with easily. Its things like, you get up in the morning and your hair is sitting and you feel quite good and you get to work and she comments how tired/sick you look. She does it to everyone and it knocks the confidence right out from under you, but she can just make out she was concerned about you. Or she said something to me about not to worry that everyone was talking about me (which they weren't) She is very passive aggressive and is great at playing the martyr/victim, and when she does get caught out she plays the dumb blonde who 'didn't realise what i was saying, I didn't mean it in a bad way'. She's a lot cleverer than she lets people believe. I sound really paranoid here, but my colleagues all agree with me, it's just management who don't believe it.

[karenmac60]

This has been going on for 10 years, it's just got to the point she's reported me and I just can't take it anymore.

[Jan1957]

She sounds like someonE I've worked with in the past. I too had problems because in front of our boss she was as nice as pie but as soon as he wasn't there she was a complete b1tch! In the end I got together with my colleagues. Whenever she is nasty to someone make a note and get them to do the same. If you can get your colleagues to all do the same your superiors will have no choice but to believe you. Keep a note of exactly what she says and does. Good luck.

[karenmac60]

Thanks everyone, I'll speak to my colleagues and start a diary tomorrow :)

[brenda]

I cannot believe that you have put up with this for 10 years and not done anything about it.Assuggested get your colleagues on your side, keep a diary, and when the time is right make a formal complaint .

If she coments that you look unwell and so on, then just say something like " funny that is just what I was thinking about you, so that makes 2 of us ", and let it go --it is no big deal how you look to her, oroviding you get on with yourwork.Try not to get upset , and I am quite sure that you are clever enough to rise above all this . Good Luck .Brenda.