Someone please help me?!

[kazzee69]

Back in March I moved out of my parents house & in with my boyfriend, his best mate & his best mates dad. We all moved in at the same time & all our names are on the lease. My housemate is so lazy when it comes to cleaning the house. He will wash up his plates after him & things like that but he refuses to help out with general things like hoovering. I have done all the cleaning since we moved in so I started getting really annoyed. I decided to leave it for ages and see if anyone bothered to do it. But it got left for so long the house was horrid to live in so I ended up cleaning it again (my boyfriend helps me when I ask). I decided to do a cleaning rota (I did not involve our housemate's dad on the rota because he works nights, sleeps all day and goes out on his days off.) I left the rota on the dining room table last night. There wasn't much on the rota. We all had 1 job to do per week & we take it in turns to either clean bathroom, clean living room or clean kitchen. I knew my housemate had noticed the rota when he came in. I waited to see if he'd mention it. Then my boyfriend & asked me if I'd seen what my housemate had written on the rota.. next to his name he had written 'HOW ABOUT NO!'. I got really angry & decided to have a bath & go to bed. My boyfriend came up to bed not long after me & we ended up rowing about it until about 3am. We heard our housemate leave & then he text my boyfriend saying he left because we were rowing. So my boyfriend has decided we all need to sit down & sort this out tonight. I am so angry & need to know if anyone thinks I'm being unreasonable about this? My housemate is in the house as much as me & my boyfriend. My boyfriend agrees that our housemate should be cleaning to but doesn't want to get involved because its his girlfriend & his best mate argueing! Pls help!  Many Thanks

What is he playing at?

  

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[kazzee69]

Also about 2 weeks ago I said to my boyfriend and housemate that i don't mind cleaning the bathroom but I refuse to clean the p*ss staines off from around the rim off the toilet because I don't lift it an wee there. My housemates reply was 'well I only use it in the morning and at night and maybe once or twice during the day' this really got my back up because I thought 'well thats 3 times a day!!' (my boyfriends reply was 'I don't mind doing it') I need to be prepared for tonights debate. We can't move out until March (lease runs out) so i need an alternative plan. Any ideas?

[JulieEve]

No - I definitely dont think you are being unreasonable about this.  You all need to sit down and talk about it - no good getting yourself worked up about it - although I would be the same.  I know from experience that things like this can fester and cause resentment - so dont let that happen - sort it amicably and as soon as possible.  Good luck.

[kazzee69]

Thing is I don't want to include my housemates dad in the rota as he works from 8pm till 8am, goes straight to bed and get up at about 7pm and leaves for work. He doesn't even eat here.. he eats at work. so I don't think its fair to involve him. But also I know he wouldn't mind doing it. He always offers to help but he never has time so we never accept his offer.

[ursula62]

The easiest solution is to all chip in and pay for a cleaner. 

Or contact Channel 4 to see if Kim & Aggie will come round and sort him out!

[nfn]

You don't have to wait until March to leave. You and your bf can terminate your part of the tenancy at any time. Your landlord will probably appreciate the courtesy of a months notice but at the end of the day, if you leave the others will have the rent to pay and that is all the landlord bothers about.
As all of your names are on the lease, forcing the slob out isn't an option. He has to want to go. If he leaves his stuff lying about the house I'd just pick it up (whatever it is) and dump it in his room.

[Grunty]

As a mere male, I agree with Andy.  But I live alone and have a cleaner who comes in for �5 per hour.  Not a lot among 4 of you.  Do you cook etc?  It would help to make the point - no cleaning, no food. 

[Dark Angel]

Getting a cleaner maybe a good idea...

[kazzee69]

He didn't come home last night be he text me instead. Things should be fine. He has agreed to help out and also said he won't be here as much anymore, as he will be at his partners alot more. (Could be an excuse). But we'll see how it goes. I will keep people informed. Thanks everyone for you help.

[lilyfrog]

forward him a link to this page

[Bob A Job]

Why dont you put forward this idea, he does no cleaning, but pays for all the cleaning equipment

I.E. washing up liquid, toilet cleaner, toilet rolls, cloths, Hoover bags. etc. etc

You'll save yourself a fortune, and he will be contributing. with the money you save have a romantic night out once a month on 'HIM'

[Solarjunkie]

I'm intrigued at the bit where you say "my boyfriend helps me when I ask".

You will only be "helped" when it is your responsibility; otherwise the work should just be "done" .It sounds as if you have automatically assumed you are the one to set the cleaning standards, so others will either "help" or "not help".

If you are in a house share situation, with 3 eligible people, then you should each do a third of the work. It is very difficult NOT to do things that are so obviously waiting to be done, but it does seem that many people (largely male, it seems) just do not notice the chores building up - in fact they seem oblivious to whether things have been cleaned or not. For example, the loo works just as well whether or not it has been cleaned, so why clean it?

You and your housemate are obviously an irresitible force & an immovable object - one of you has to give.

Either you accept that the only way things are going to be done to your standard is to do them yourself, or you  learn to live with the others' standards.

Nowhere in the lease does it say "I will do all the cleaning" I'm sure.

Good luck in trying to reach a compromise.