Our aunt has sharply declining dementia and has lost her mind we don't know if she has a Will

[Monica66]

Hi

It seems we are losing our aunt.

She doesn't have any children

She has a long term friend/male friend who she doesn't and has never lived with.

She owns a house estimate value £175k max

We cannot locate her will or know if she has one at all

We are aware of several letters which she gave to family members to be opened upon her death

We are at a lost on how to handle things, any advice is greatly appreciated.

Kind thanks,
Monica

[Androcles]

You may find some help here to put you on the right track:

http://www.dementiawe...ower-of-attorney.html

[dzug]

The letters may contain a will.

Would it be too much of a breach of confidence if they were opened now? Only you/the family can decide that question.

It sounds too late for power of attorney - the Court of Protection will need to appoint a deputy.

http://www.publicguardian.gov.uk/index.htm is another useful link

[Monica66]

Thank you Androcles and Thank you dzug. both your replies and links will help us follow up.

Re: letters - Would it not invalidate the letter if the addresses were to open them before our aunt passes? Although I seem to agree that given the circumstances this may be the only option.

once again thanks for your input.

Warm regards,
Monica.

[oldmaggie]

Why the rush to find out if she has made a will?

[dzug]

Not sure what you mean by 'invalidate' the letters. The fact that they have been 'seen' is irrelevant to everything I can think of.

[Skyline D]

I don't really see why it's crucially important to know if she has a will or what's in it now either? If she's not dead it isn't relevant yet. She could potentially live for many years with dementia and need everything she has sold for treatment anyway.

[Monica66]

I must add for those who appear to have a cynical view on this thread (oldmaggie & Skyline d)The Background is - We are dealing with two elderly family members on their deathbed of which one is our aunt. We were informed this evening that a home isn't neccessary and a hospice is required and she will survive a week or two.

Between dealing with emotions preparing funerals and trying to deal with normal day to day life it's hard to think straight. Knowing as much as possible in advance will help us arrange things sooner while we mourning our loved ones...

Old Maggie - Skyline D - if you have nothing constructive to add please say nothing. I really can't handle inconsiderate replies right now. Thanks!

Thanks again Dzug - We'll look into the links provided.

Warm regards
Monica

[tamborine]

Am sorry to hear your pain.....are you next of kin?

Look out for her mail to look for clues for Pension plans/Peps/Isas etc. Funeral exes can come from her estate - the undertakers do wait for payment. Keep all expense receipts.

[Skyline D]

I didn't mean to be offensive Monica, and I'm sorry you took it that way. Never the less, I still don't see why you desperately need to know if she has a will or what it says before she dies, especially if that is as imminent anyway as you suggest.

If she left letters to be opened after her death then I don't really see any need not to honour her wishes and open them then.

[joko]

skyline - it is neither relevant or important whether you understand monicas motives or not...you are not required to understand - just to answer the question if you can - why do you feel you have the right to ask?
why do you feel it is your place to try to imply monica is a heartless moneygrabber?

[Skyline D]

I certainly never said that. Didn't by anything I've posted imply that. You want to try actually reading what was said instead of what you imagine it to say.

The original post didn't actually ask a question, it merely said any advice would be appreciated. I didn't and still don't see why there's a need to know everything before she dies.

[joko]

oh i read it very well...and you and i are both well aware of the tone of your posts...

[Skyline D]

One of us clearly isn't.

[joko]

ok then...if you genuinely are not trying to imply anything - as you claim - then you may want to address the way you write to someone about such a sensitive subject...perhaps actually say that you are not implying anything, or word it in a different way so as not to cause offence...this is ANSWERbank...and people do not have to explain themselves to you...nor have people making somewhat snide comments.

we can only go by what we read and frankly your comments sound very accusatory and unhelpful.

even if you happened to be right, its still not your place to judge or demand answers

[Skyline D]

I have absolutely no idea what planet you are inhabiting but nobody mentioned such a ridiculous accusation until you did.

The original post asked for any advice. I offered the advice that there was no need to find anything out before the aunt passed away, particularly since subsequent info suggests that's very imminent and the aunt has left instructions to be opened after her death. I didn't and still don't see why there is any need to accelerate that knowledge. Nothing will change for nobody knowing what it says for a week.

Get over yourself, take your own advice and stop trying to read something into a comment that simply wasn't there. Feel free to go track my other posts to this site and see if I have a track record for posting such judgemental accusations. When you've done that feel free to come back here and apologise. I won't hold my breath waiting for it.

[bednobs]

oh dear :(
for my two pennorth worth i agree with skyline D - if she ony has a few days left, then whether you ind a will now or later or not at all doesn't really make any odds. Just use the time you have left to you to spend time with her/them, rather than trying to get the "work" done - there is no hurry for all of the business side after dying so getting it started a few days earlier wont help you at all.
My advice of how to handle things is to wait till she's died to try and sort it all out - trying to do it now is clearly only adding to your stress

[tinkerbell23]

Monica.. Dementiavis devestating isn't it. I've spent time working with the elderly who have denentia it's heartbreaking and I send u my best wishes. I would understand u wanting to know especially with two relatives seriously Ill I guess a will would tell you their dying wishes such as burial or cremation? Hymns or no hymns? Could you possible phone a local lawyer and ask them? Mabye hospice will have a service? Mabye even the hospice workers have done experience of situations and can shed some light. I hope you get there please keep us posted. Much love Jo xx

[oldmaggie]

I understand that perhaps you are feeling a wee bit oversensitive on this matter. I only wondered why you would want to locate her will knowing that her express wishes are/were that she had left letters to be read after her death. As I understand it these letters were written before dementia became apparent so therefore to open the letters before death would be a breach of trust. Is she a blood relative or wife of an uncle?