Tough Getting Old

[moonraker558]

A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample." The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?" The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR"
LOL

[Bbbananas]

Urgh....
(Good though!)

[Androcles]

Reminds me of the other golden oldie:

97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed. He says "Doc, I
think I'm impotent." Doctor sits him down and begins the standard speech he
gives to senior citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions slow
down and it is completely normal to suffer some decrease in sexual desire.
How the man shouldn't worry or become upset about it, but should just relax
and things will probably be completely fine and blah blah blah. Finally the
doctor asks "When did you first begin to think you were impotent?"

"Three times last night, and again this morning."

[Androcles]

or how about:

Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home.

Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Centre to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.

After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, ‘Do you know what I miss most of all?’

She asks, ‘What?’

‘Sex!!’ he replies

Mildred exclaims, ‘Why you old fart. You couldn’t get it up if I held a gun to your head!’

‘I know,’ Harold says, ‘but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.’

Well, I can oblige,’ says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold’s manhood.

Then one night Harold didn’t show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K.

She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold’s manhood!

Furious, Mildred yelled, ‘You two-timing son of a bitch! What does Ethel have that I don’t have?’

Old Harold smiled happily and replied, ‘Parkinson’s.’

[moonraker558]

Nice 1

[McMouse]

Old Chap is at doctor with his wife and is told she has either alzheimer's or HIV.

He asks if there is an easy test to determine which she has.

GP says "take her in the car and drive for 50 miles and leave her. If she finds her way home for god's sake don't have sex"

[Androcles]

LOL