Why do ex partners have the capability of making us feel bad?

[OLIVIA26]

following my earlier question i said 'goodbye forever' to my recent love (very painfully, i still love him but he's not in the same place as me) i received a text from him saying 'i could have a hundred nights of passion with you and it still wouldn't feel right to say goodbye', i'm so upset by the breakup, but i keep recalling that text and feel even worse! why do exes do it? please don't be harsh with any comments. I still stand by my decision. Any insight would be welcomed, especially if it gains me inner strength ;) thankyou.

[sara3]

I don't understand why you finished with him.. because his son has come into his life? can't he deal with you AND this child? if he feels he has to choose, why is that?

as for the text, what's passion got to do with saying goodbye?

[karenmac60]

Because they know us so well they know exactly which buttons to push to hurt us - and they want to urt us because they are hurting too.

[OLIVIA26]

i finished with him for a numerous amount of reasons but primarily because i wanted him to devote ALL his time to his son and 16yr old daughter (who's recently had her heart broke) I felt my ex needed the space to be allowed to do that. in his words 'he felt like he was spinning plates'. As for pushing my buttons you're quite right, he knows how soft i am and that i do still feel very much for him.

[sara3]

most people can cope with kids and a partner. if you've decided for him that he can't... well, perhaps you could have been supportive rather than send him on his way.

[cherrybakewell]

sara, I think it becomes more difficult, when there are teenage children involved, rather than young ones, though Olivia, maybe you could of given it a try and see how it worked out. Why dont you?

[sara3]

well that was my point.. she decided for him.

and I have teenage children myself. I know it's no party.

[OLIVIA26]

without going on... there were alot of issues between us. he kept back tracking, one minute all he wanted was us all to be a family the next minute he told me everytime my 2yr old showed him any affection he backed off because it highlighted the need for him to bond with his children. My little girl didnt know what was going on because he became withdrawn from her. thats horrible to see, so i most importantly have had her feelings forcing my actions. I put my child first just as he has quite rightly done his. in the end i used to see him thurs night after she had gone to bed and sun night after a weekend spent with his kids and when my wee one had gone to bed.

[cherrybakewell]

I agree ,its not fair on your little girl, he felt guilty showing her affection, when his children were not with him, I assume. But its not her or your fault. Maybe, dont finish the relationship completely. Let him have a bit of space to sort himself out, and for you to give time to your little one.

sara, I have teenage kids too.... bloody nightmare sometimes!

[OLIVIA26]

thankyou all for your responses i really appreciate it. I did try with the situation, please don't think me a witch, but when i suggested doing things together with his son he was apprehensive. I think what he wants and needs is one on one time with his son, i can't blame him, but neither can i put my life on hold until he's 'bored' of bonding. I need to move forward also, its just raw at the moment. I guess if its meant to be it will be. Maybe i have to let fate do its job. For the record i did end it but he understood why, he knew i wasn't being a cow, but trying to do the right thing for both of us.

[cherrybakewell]

Olivia, I have been in a very similar situation to you, though my children were older. But the ex had children, who lived with their mum. The children picked and chose when they wanted to see him, and when they did, he dropped everything. Any prior things we had sorted. So I can sympathise with you. It is very difficult. The ex used to act completely different with me when he was with his kids (teens) And in the end, only saw his kids by himself, and excluded me completely.

I wish you lots of luck on this one. Maybe have a break. And see how things work out. Good luck x

[OLIVIA26]

thankyou very much cherrybakewell, our situations sound almost identical.It is so hard. I could never be seen to be doing the right thing although i very much tried. Although i don't have teenage children myself i can imagine how much harder it is to deal with them. I guess somewhere in the background i resented his situation a little because he told me he never wanted anymore kids full stop. (and i at 33 would still like to think that door was still open for me to decide) thankyou for your kindness. x