my ex boyfriend

[CaZwAz]

ive been with my ex boyfriend for 8 years on and off. He was great but I started to drift apart from him, fancying other guys and wanting excitement... Anyway, after getting no excitement im wondering if he's the man for me. Everytime we try to make it work I always shy away from the relationship, saying i cant get back together with him.. Idk why i do this. But im so lonely and miss his comfort and friendship. We share the same friends. He wants to give it another go when he comes back and im just confused about it all. We have been split for nearly 2 years now and im also a bit shy about sex with him now, i never used to be and its not like me to be shy in the bedroom, maybe its because i've slept with someone else since we split up. Im scared if i say No we cant get backtogether then that will be our friendship over, but at the same time im confused if i want to end it... Id love to meet someone new, so does this mean he's not the right guy for me, oh dam im so confused with this.... Argh, i feel like screeming. I find it hard to meet guys, im a confident girl but when it comes to guys im really fussy and picky. My friends say im too picky but i think its good to be picking or else id be sleeping with every Tom Dick and harry. I hope this all makes sense and someone can give me some good honest advice. Thanks in advance x

[ummmm]

I would say that if you want to meet someone else then you are just making do with your ex until that someone else comes along.

Not really fair on your ex...

[CaZwAz]

this is true Ummmm, not really the answer i was looking for but hey.... Now i have another problem. He comes back in April with the thought of us getting back together and I dont know what to tell him.. Im scared cos he's the greatest guy, so gentle, a good worker,, nice car, good sense of humour , i just cant pin point why i've gone off him so much, its really strange... Im sure i've gone off him, but im that confused i cant be sure. And the thought of seeing him with another girl really freaks me out. Since im a slow mover, i'll probably be single for a while longer than him, sounds silly i know. Im not a bad looking girl either... it sucks, really really sucks... Makes me sad just thiking about it, i feel like a good cry now thats how this situation really makes me feel, even now i have tears rolling down my cheeks :)
((keep smiling))

[ummmm]

How long were you together?

[CaZwAz]

8 years, thats why its so confusing... I'm scared to give something good up... Worried I'll never meet anyone good again... Im 28. suppose getting this out is good but it does upset me a bit...

[CaZwAz]

the last thing i want to do is treat him unfairly. I even said to him the last time we spoke about this, that when we were together i was completly devoted to him, but now it doesnt feel right going back with him when im not so devoted...

[ummmm]

If it doesn't feel right then it's not right.

It can also be the fear of the unknown on your behalf. While you are clinging to a relationship out of fear..... Mr Right will pass you by.

[ummmm]

Just read your post below. You've already arranged to meet another man from the internet. How can you say that you try not to treat him unfairly when you know that is blatantly unfair.

[CaZwAz]

well i'm single, i can do what i want!! I have been single for a long time now

[Canary42]

Whatever you do, DON'T go back to him out of pity/sympathy ('cos he's such a great guy) - it just won't work I'm afraid, and would be most unfair (and patronising) to him.

[ummmm]

Maybe so....but you're stringing along a 'great guy'

I could understand if you'd only split a few months ago...but two years?? You're wasting his life while you wait for someone better. That's the actions of an incredibly selfish person.

[CaZwAz]

but i still have love for him

[Canary42]

But you'd also "love to meet someone new" which means deep down it's probably over I'm afraid, or at least it won't survive the test of time so quit now while least harm done.

[ummmm]

Have love for him is completely different than loving him. You just don't want to let go....just in case eh?

[CaZwAz]

yeah your probably right. Thats it, its over between us. :( I'll tell him when he returns. He wont stand for it though, i know he really wants back with me. But I'll be strong. Its not right if im liking other guys, you are right. I'm being selfish. This is a sad moment of realisation for me,,,

[ummmm]

It is horrible...I do know that. I did it for a while with my Ex because I was unsure. It just meant he got hurt much more than he deserved. Be strong and be true xx

[CaZwAz]

just hope im doing the right thing x

[BeaverDiva]

I understand your problem - trying to do the right thing and not hurt him - but you really have to put yourself first.

Can you imagine spending the rest of your life, happily, with this guy? 8 years is a long time, but doesn't mean you have to spend the rest of your life with him if it doesn't make you happy!

There's nothing wrong with being fussy and picky - why settle for something if its not right?

You've been split for 2 years and he wants to make a go of it when he comes back? I won't ask where from, but if you've survived the last 2 years without him, i wouldn't get back with him now - he can't be "the one", otherwise you wouldn't be on here asking if you should get back with him? If he was, you wouldn't even think twice. Let sleeping dogs lie -and do your best to stay friends with him.

And back to your earlier post - get over to America and have yourself a holiday - many decisions can be made for the better when you're out of a situation for a while!

Good luck xxx

[Le Chat]

I think because you know him and like him as a person, you so want to love and be in love with him again. You are trying to be in love with him because he's a great guy...but you just can't in your heart. You just met too young. If you'd have met him for the first time now, he's be perfect. That's just how it happens sometimes. There are other great guys though and someone will come along who will really rock your boat one of these days. A little part of you will always be for your ex though but just accept it. x