making a formal complaint at work

[sliver]

Apologies for posting this on the chat section, but I wasn't sure where else to put it and you people seem friendly and helpful.

A colleague at work had an anti-semitic rant at me a couple of weeks ago, and after seeing the look on my face the penny dropped. Yes, I am Jewish! She couldn't apologise enough. Although I was shocked at her and upset, I told her that I would not report it. However, she decided to tell our boss (to cover herself?) and a few other people. It came back to me, so I went to see my boss. It seems she had told the boss a version that was about 2% true! I was very angry about this, and my boss arranged a meeting for the 3 of us yesterday.

I was shocked that this woman looked me in the eye and lied about what she had said to me. The boss told us to both think about how to take this forward over the long weekend, and I have to decide whether to make a formal complaint. I suppose the other woman has to decide whether she will come clean!

I am furious and a bit humiliated, but I don't know what to do. Drop it, or make a formal complaint. Any advice please? I'm worried about being labelled a trouble-maker, but I am angry. There were no witnesses.

[mccfluff]

Hi, what's your companies policy in these cases? in this situation as you have no witnessess makes it your word against hers and that's a bit tricky to deal with if she denies everything. Here we would take formal statements from you both, have a meeting as you have done and have everything recorded on both your personnel files. possibly offer counselling

i was in this situation the other week someone make a nasty racist comment over the phone and it really peed me off, it wasn't aimed at me but that's not the point, i had a word with her manager and asked her to talk to her but keep it off the books as it were, she later apologised.

[jackthehat]

I think a it depends upon several factors;
What is, generally, the nature of your relationship with your colleague?
Do you have to work closely together ?
How is she regarded and treated by your other colleagues/boss ?
Do you work in an industry where such a 'grievance' could follow you around ?

The last thing you need to happen is that your colleagues outburst has a negative impact on YOUR career.

Could you make an 'informal'complaint ? Compose a measured letter to your boss stating exactly what she said and explain why you found her outburst offensive and upsetting. You could add that she apologised to you, at the time, for her comments but seems now to be attempting to mitigate what she did by being less than candid about her behaviour.

Do you have confidence in the 'grievance' system at your work ?

[sliver]

Thank you both for your replies.

mccfluff, there is a strict policy regarding such issues and she would be in for a stiff disciplinary penalty, I would guess some kind of official warning. I just wanted her to tell the truth and that would be an end to it, but it seems she won't and there are no witnesses.

jackthehat, we are part of a team spread over 4 sites. I don't see her mor ethan once or twice a month. She is a great griper, always complaining that people have upset her, she cries a lot and then goes home sick with migraines. She's just moved offices as she accused 2 other team members of treating her unfairly. She is "emotional"!

I think this is already classed as an unofficial complaint, but if it becomes official it will probably follow ME around and I don't want to be viewed as a trouble-maker. For what it's worth, I think the majority believe me but I still can't believe she keeps lying about it. As for the grievance procedure at work, I have no idea. I don't know why anyone would think I would make up such a thing!

[mccfluff]

its not whether people believe you or not its just that there is no proof of what she said other than your statement and sadly people have made things up about colleagues in the past. (not saying you have BTW) and companies have such strict rules and regs to follow because they are sh!t scared of getting sued, its an ab nightmare.

did she admit to anything in the meeting with your manager or flat out denied the lot?

[sliver]

It matters to me whether people believe me. Originally she said "I hate Jews, I hate all of them" and followed it with her "reasons" (she has a part time job elsewhere and some of the Jewish customers were rude to her). I said to her at the time "you can't go around saying things like that" and she said, "yeah, I know I have to be careful who I say it to, as you never know who may be of... mixed... " and then the penny dropped!

She went to the boss saying, "I said I didn't like some of the Jewish people I work with, because they're giving me a hard time". And she stuck to that (with a lot of waffle) in the meeting yesterday. Bare-faced lies.

Anyway, I can't prove it and there were no witnesses but we have been quite good work friends for years, so I have no reason to be making it up. It's been a bit of an eye-opener, but maybe I should just let it go. She has had a fright, and is in a right state about it.

[mccfluff]

i meant for the discplinary side of things and if she decided to take it further there is no "proof" of what she said.

i think by what you have said that the people you work with believe you and she is probably very very scared right now. i persoanlly would have a word with her and say if you apologise i won't take it any further and see what happens

[sliver]

She apologised at the time "it wasn't meant to sound like that" and has apologised for what she now says she said, but still denies saying what she actually said. (Sorry, that sounds like nonsense!)

I told my boss that if she told the truth at yesterday's meeting, I wouldn't take it any further. I don't see her owning up now but the formal complaint procedure is a messy one and as you've said, it'll be my word against hers.

Thank you mccfluff, I know I've waffled on a bit!

[sliver]

It's not okay to say "I hate all Jews" based on a couple of customers! It's a serious disciplanary offence where I work.

Also, as an "ethnic minority" herself, she should know better in my opinion.

[mccfluff]

i got told a car smelt like *an effing *** had been in it*

no worries sliver i hope it all gets sorted for you x

[sliver]

Thanks again mccfluff, I appreciate the time you've taken here x

Aren't some people horrible!

[society]

Presently this is how I see it:

- What she said to you appeared wrong in her eyes and she felt guilty; hence the numerous apologies to you.

- It's your word against hers, letting it drop sorta make her look right and you wrong (she's the one reported it).

- Prolonging this is wasting time and having to deal with another's negativity; who knows how and where this could escalate to.

- From the things you've said about her, she sounds like a basket-case. I'd let the situation drop and steer clear from her in future.

[sara3]

I think society has made a good call. she (not society!) sounds like a fruitcake, best to steer clear. you also have to think of your own health, and making a formal complaint may be quite a drawn out, stressful time for you.

although some would call this "freedom of speech", it is unacceptable and she should be shot :o)