Just had a phone call from my niece

[pericat]

She is a recovering alcoholic and wants to come out today for a chat - apparently it's something she has to do ??? I hate these situations and never know how to handle them - any ideas ?

[pericat]

Thanks jack - that makes sense - I wish she could just send me a card or preferably a large cheque - :-))

[20SilkCut]

I'll bet all that 'guilt' you are feeling 'belongs' to your niece and your sister and is all mixed in with your overbearing mum Peri.... family dynamics can be very messy and leave lots of hurt. As some above have said, being honest with her can maybe help you get rid of that 'guilt' once and for all. I guess its better to face up to it, than to leave it all to fester longer. Good luck...let us know how it goes. x

[pericat]

Sachs - the negative feelings started way before that ! Does your brother still drink?

[Sachs]

Yes he does peri. You walk on eggshells , all those promises!

[pericat]

Hi silk - long time etc etc - yeh you're right there - I didn't sleep last night - I must have known on a deeper level this was going to happen today!

[20SilkCut]

Yes Peri, the body has ways of telling us things long before we actually know it. Sounds like you will be facing some 'demons' so to speak. Make sure you have someone supportive around afterwards so you can offload - and you can always come on here. :-)

[pericat]

It's probably linked back to one weekend - before I knew she was an alcoholic or even had a drink problem - her parents were away somewhere and I got a phone call from my sister to say that my niece had split up with her boyfriend and could I check on her. I went to their house and she was in bed , drunk and smoking so I brought her home with me and sat up for 48 hours with her and discovered she was taking our drink - I had to insist her parents come back and sort it out - it was an awful weekend

[20SilkCut]

You totally did the right thing Peri....her mum had to take responsibility...not to put it onto you. You didnt collude, you tried to help and you asked her mum to come and get it. No guilt or blame for you there pet. x

[Sachs]

I don't pretend to understand alcohol addiction peri, I just know it's such a selfish addiction. What they've put people through, half of it they wont remember doing although it's not a nice situation to be in.

[pericat]

I have to say - this life experience has been the making of her - she was never a nice kid or teen but has gained invaluable insight and become a much nicer person now

[Sandy-Wroe]

AA have a programme called 12 Steps. Here are numbers 8 + 9.
# Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
# Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Maybe she's coming to apologise to you? Let her have her say. It could mean a great deal to her.

[pericat]

With regard to my family - ie mother, sister etc I have taken a back seat as I was literally sucked dry in the past and I prob don't want to be sucked in again

[pericat]

I will definitely let her have her say it's my response I'm concerned about - but I suppose I'll take it as it comes

[20SilkCut]

Peri - sometimes there is a reason why we go through things....and it sounds for your niece that her dependence on alcohol and her resultant change has been the learning experience she needed to have. Maybe she needs to share this with you to help both of you move on. x

[pericat]

Well I will update later - thanks for all words of advice - things are a bit clearer in my head now

[20SilkCut]

Keep your boundaries, be honest....and you will say the right things Peri...((hugs)) x

[Mamyalynne]

Peri this is difficult and all the above advice from people who know you better than i os exactly right. Can I just add that id she asks you outright if she hurt you at the time, reply honestly, to do otherwise would defeat the object. You could then add that you are proud of her recovery so far.

Good luck

M ♥