How to Shower Like a Woman

[marval]

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry basket according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Complain because your husband had been eating your gingernut and jaffa cake body wash.

11. Rinse conditioner off hair.

12. Shave armpits and legs.

13. Turn off shower.

14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with cleaner.

15. Get out of shower onto a floor towel. Dry with a towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

16. Hang floor towel on side of bath

17. Check entire body for spots, tweeze unwanted hairs.

18. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

19. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

[marval]

No point really

[craft1948]

I usually undress in the bedroom......and stroll naked across the hall into the wetroom hoping to frighten any small children or animals that may be looking through the hall window.

[Old_Geezer]

I suspect it is half the joke.

[marval]

correct

[society]

Marval, is the above your routine?

[marval]

Not exactly, too much fussing about.

[snags]

And here's the other half:

How to shower like a man:

Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her making the "Woo" sound.

Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have pecs (no).

Admire size of kn0b in mirror, scratch privates and smell fingers for one last whiff.

Get in shower.

Don't bother to look for wash cloth - don't use one.

Wash armpits.

Wash privates and the surrounding area.

Crack up at how loud farts sound in the shower.

Wash butt, leaving hair on soap.

NOW !!! Wash face.

Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.

Make shampoo Mohican. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.

Pee (in shower).

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time.


Look at self in mirror again, flex muscles and admire size of knob (again).

Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor.

Leave bathroom light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go "Yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her.

Put on yesterday's clothes.

[askyourgran]

Pmsl snags.

[society]

I can just imagine all men doing same as Snags or similar. :-)

[joggerjayne]

Living on your own, like me ... the towel and dressing gown bits don't apply.

[society]

I do use the towel for drying up after showering, but, haven't used the dressing gown in years. I like the 'breezy' and carefree feelings when walking about naked. :-)