Threatening Neighbour - SCARED FOR OUR LIVES

[lauraleanne123]

we live within a set of converted warehouse units and have our own private courtyard which has a door to one side belonging to a neighbour, they come out for a cigarette some times, which we don't have a problem with as such, but we have a small puppy and noticed that they threw all their butts on the floor which is obviously not nice, my parner very nicely asked if they wouldnt mind putting them in an ashtray and not doing this, all very polite. The guy was a bit rude but agreed and that was that...

A few nights later my partner was in the courtyard and heard him shouting so loud and aggressively about me and my partner (both female), screaming that he is going to re-arrange our faces, drag us over there and sort us out, f*ing this and F*ing that, that we think he's a nice guy, but he's not, he'll show us who's boss, he'll break in and he'll mess us up for good....and on and on for about an hour!! his gf was crying and crying, and after hearing that, so was mine!

as you can imagine we are terrified, my partner has had to be in the house on her own for the last 2 days since it happened as we have just got a new puppy like i said before, we have some other really lovely neighbours whom we have told all this to, and they are being v kind, but it's horrible being so frightened in your own home, never wanting to go out into your own lil garden bit incase we get raped and beaten!

we have logged the incident with the police, but asked them NOT to go round there as by the sounds of this physco it would make it a million times worse, and he may just kill us,

what on earth can we do?? he's certainly not someone we can reason with, and we are just 2 girls on our own.....please please any advice would be greatly appreciated!

thanks

[AlBags]

Hi guys
Sorry to hear this : (
Is this courtyard your sole property .. or is it shared by agreement or deed? Is access to somewhere else (like bin area?)
You get the impression that he has a problem with a F/F relationship .. or over that fag-end problem?
Are you on talking/friendly terms with this person's gf?
He could've been drunk? You see any evidence around, like cans, etc?
In my experience, people like that intimidate through noise, not action of any kind.
Al : )

[lauraleanne123]

Hi,

Thanks so much for your reply!

According to our landlord is is indeed our sole property (owned by our landlord for our property alone) their door doesn't go anywhere, like to a bin and as it is just an overhang from when they were just part of a bigger warehouse...
We hadn't heard anything from him before, so all we can think is that the fag end chat triggered him off, there's been no other verbal contact with him.
It certainly sounded like he was using the f/f thing as ammunition and a reason to hate us more, though i'm not even sure how he knew we were a couple in the first place, rather then flatmates as prior to that we've only seen eachother getting out of cars and such, and neither of us look like a stereotype at all..
we've only had the odd nod in passing with his gf, but i'm guessing by the way she was crying that she wasn't a fan of his outburst and aggression either, (so a possible alli?) although if he is violent we wouldnt want to cause trouble for her.
Not sure if he was drunk, evidence of smoking weed but thats about it...

I hope you're right Al, that he's just a not very nice person and was just trying to intimidate us through noise alone

if anything happens, at least I've got it out there in the pubic domain and to the police.
It's terribly sad too, because we haven't lived there long, and it's a dream home to us in every other respect,
Do you think we should avoid going out the back for a while? or carry on as normal?

well, thank you again so much for your input, been feeling sick with it all so it's nice to hear friendly reassurance :-)

[paddywak]

Laurelanne, although it might be scary for you I'd try and carry on as normal, don't let this nasty sounding person ruin your enjoyment of what is your property and if he persists in his behaviour don't hesitate to go to the police

[AlBags]

Hi again Laura&Leanne I presume ..
Altho an Engineer, I have been a s/e builder for some time. During that time, I have been to quite a few properties doing various tasks for people. I have customers (male and female) that are in ss relationships. I am discreet about this, but I have come across situations where a problem is mentioned. Usually this is involving some older neighbours or kids. They believe that these folks are stereotyping them or being over-judgmental for no sound reason. I have always reassured my friends/customers that this behaviour might be an outlet for these peoples own shortcomings. I hope that is the case for you here, as I can understand you not wanting to go outside very much at the moment.
It sounds very much like he is abusive in his own relationship. This is not helped by weed, etc. It is, however, very unlikely he will export violence outside of his own walls. I think guys like that are quite cowardly. He has probably found out by some means about you guys .. seen you out, asked around, looked in window, etc.
I wouldn't bother about that tho .. neighbours are natuarally inquisitive. If either of you have a mate who is male, why dont you ask him around for a beer and go out back for a smoke to test the water that way?
I think if anything, his gf will speak to you first .. maybe.
If all else fails, I'll park the van by his door and bring my crowbar (joking)
Let us know how you get on x Al.

[carmalee]

I'm sure lots of ABs will disagree with me but having lived in a country prone to violence (S.Africa) -I always felt safer with a can of Mace in a pocket.

[cassa333]

Was he drunk?

No excuse I know but if his gf was upset about it perhaps he was and may be like that whenever he is drunk!

Can you talk to her to see what she has to say about it?

Also does your landlord own their property as well? If not then there could be a case for tresspass although they may have a right of access as their is a doorway already.

Ask the landlord to make it absolutly clear who has legal access to the courtyard then take it from their.

[lauraleanne123]

Thank you all for your kind advice
Al, I think you're right, I think we may have been dragged into the result of a abusive relationship argument, which will stay behind his walls, although I feel terrible saying that tho because it's obviously appalling if his gf is living this way!
Inviting a male friend over is a good idea, if at least to give the bully the impression we have male friends around and are not totally vulnerable
lol yes if all else fails, a gesture with a crowbar might be just the thing! :-)
Eddie, yes, the last 24 hrs we have heard lots more shouting, although It sounds like now it is directed mainly at the poor gf, which again is a very tricky area to get involved in without him finding out an making it worse for everyone, we'll keep an eye out for her tho and if she ever gives a sign of needing to talk we'll try and help in any way we can,
In the mean time, we're going to try and carry on, I've told my gf to come inside the house anytime he starts and try and ignore it,
this going on the basis though that it's empty threats and will stop there..
carmalee, on that note though I think you may have a point! we've decided to up our security on the back door to the courtyard, as for mace, this country does have strange laws, whereby I would probably be the one prosecuted for using it, despite being attacked (crazy!) still that would be favorable to actually being attacked!
thanks cassa, if it continues we will have to involve the legality of ownership etc, our landlord doesn't own their property, but has assured us the courtyard is ours/our landlords alone, however, we do want to avoid this route in the interest of not angering him further!
thanks again all, we'll try and get on with it this week, baring in mind all your advice i'll let you know how it goes onwards
why do there have to be bully's like this in the world though huh!?

Thank you!

[AlBags]

I'll be around for a fag tomorrow then : )

Something tells me there might be three of you soon!

x A.

[joko]

perhaps you should write a very polite note, be honest, tell him you heard what was said and you are confused and upset and would like to know what you have done to anger him so much...explain about your request being about the puppy and that you didnt mean to upset him.
say you hope you can sort this out amicably as you have to live togethre

be careful not to be accusational, dont say anytjing that will offend or imply hes vilent etc or that hes been out of order etc etc

just be careful of the wordin so as not to antagonise him furtehr

he may apologise