Unwanted sex in a relationship

[Sarah1970]

My partner always wants sex, but I dont. I end up having sex with him even if I dont want to because otherwise he gets fed up with me and implies that he will finish with me if I dont because he has needs and I should look after him in that department because he does so much for me and he says thats the only thing I can do for him. I'm not happy with having to have sex with him but we have a great relationship otherwise and I dont want us to split up, we are both in our 30s and dont live together.

[gina-g]

Let me tell you something redheadisbac, this situation is nothing to do with self esteem, having back bone or anything like that. As JNO has pointed out It's a simple case of communication and that is vital, her man is telling her what is wrong in their relationship (from his point of view), that's what grown up's do, maybe your not old enough to get it.

Sarah, talk to your man, if you love him don't loose him, you can work it out if you talk to each other and be totally honest with each other.

[gina-g]

Run along and play redheadisbac, at 24 you could write what you know about relationships on the back of a stamp !

OFF YOU GO NOW, BE A GOOD GIRL !!!

[Sarah1970]

Thankyou to everybody for your good advice, it has really helped already!

[beso]

You are sexually incompatible and heading for a disaster. He needs to be with a woman who actually finds him attractive. Do him a favour. Let him go so he can find someone who loves him with a passion.

Pesonally, I think it is you with the problem. You seem content to have a relationship with a man you don't really love but are content with the material benefits he is bringing to your life.

[lkn2cln22]

I say that you should talk to him about the way you are feeling. If he loves you and cares deeply for you than he will only want to when you want to.I would also think that if you two are really in tune with each other,he will know when you are REALLY in the mood or just doing it because HE wants too.Don't expect to talk to him about it and everything to just fine afterwords though.I know that my husband would have to make atleast a couple sarcastic remarks about it the next time we had sex.All in fun he would think.Anyway,good look from just someone from California,U.S.A

[Scarlett]

Some brilliant answers on here;
The fault is with him- not just for being unreasonable and an arse and trying to pressurise you- what a horrible thing to do- but mainly - if you are not in the mood for sex, could he MAYBE not be wooing you sufficiently?!
I mean, the old saying of men being like kettles (heat up in 1 minute and then it's all over) and women being like irons (ages to heat up and cool down) is very true, but it seems he has no idea how irons work.
Also what about "you have to heat up the oven before you stick in the turkey"?! He is never going to understand this unless you make it clear. Women NEED to be put in the right mood for sex, otherwise IT DOESN'T WORK! Physically, it does not work. Does he do any foreplay? Does he make an effort to make you feel special and desirable? I'm afraid that it necessary. We can't just drop 'em like men can. We are programmed completely differently.
Get him to watch some ducks. This time of year they go around in pairs, the male following the female. She constantly ignores him and he constantly follows. The males fight over one female. Eventually after much wooing, she lets him jump on her. Conclusion: Men are programmed to need sex as often as possible in order to continue the human race. For some reason, women aren't!! What would happen if they were? A population explosion for one thing.
Go to sex therpay and they will tell him in no uncertain terms that he is in the wrong here.
Or just dump him and find someone nicer, more appreciative and understanding.

[reta]

I was in a very simular position a few years back, I was with a man who had a much higher sex drive than me and it did cause us problems. We were different in many ways but mostly everything was fantastic in our relationship apart from this one thing, after being together a few years I decided we were not compatable. That was two years ago, I am now with someone else but it's not the same and it just doesn't compare, I lost a fabulous man, I never realised it at the time but a good man is so hard to find, I let him slip away and it's the biggest regret of my entire life. I hope you found a way to make it work Sarah, the alternative is living with the knowledge that you made a mighty mistake, I try to forget but he will always be in my heart......