Most embarrassing 'conquest'

[bobjugs12]

Ladies and Gents, i'm going to be a bit personal now. I know it's unlike me to ever discuss the act of intimacy but I thought i'd break the habit of a lifetime and start a thread.

So go on then folks. Whilst we're among friends, what was the worst sexual experience you ever had?

Was it the bloke with a gut bigger than a Transit van and the smell of 4 day old BO that you picked up in a dingy nightclub; or was it the strange drunk girl that tasted of vomit and kept calling you Dave (even though that isn't your name)?

Lets be honest and all have a good giggle.


I'll start:
My most embarrasing one was when I was 17. I'd just been fired from my job, and me and my bezzer had gone out for a couple (yeah right!!) of drinks. We ended up with these two women older than our Mums buying us drinks all night. As the pub closed they invited us back to theirs, where we carried on drinking before he went upstairs and I got jiggy on the couch. Next morning me and Rich realised what we'd done and tried to sneak out. But the ladies had locked the door and hidden the keys. They then announced that they wouldn't release us unless we promised to go back, and left a token of our honesty with them. So they ended up with my P45 from my last job, and Rich's spare house key. We never went back for them though........
The end

[karenmac60]

I was newly single and very very drunk and I bumped into the fat bloke from work (there's always one). We ended up back at his, me semi clad and him stripped to his boxers with his beer gut hanging over the top. He sniffed loudly and announced 'ah'm gaun fur a pish furst'. While he was at the loo I grabbed my clothes and legged it. I went to a training course the following week and who do I come face to face with as I walk in the room...? ;)

[piggynose]

after several failed attempts at trying to lose my innocence, and i mean several attempts. from here to ireland to all over europe, i finally got there at the ripe old age of 24, i was on my triumph bonnie in weston, parked it up outside a b&b. and strangely said to myself, lets just go for it. after being stone cold sober for a couple of days due to being on my motorbike. i thought feck it, and preceded to get wasted. next i knew i was in bed as i said i was 24, and she must´ve been about 24 too... stones. but i thought at the time, who cares, i can still remember going for it, if you know what i mean. then waking up at 4am and sneaking out and legging it

[rowanwitch]

Met a woman who I'd contacted via a small ad in a well known london magazine, I was new to the girl thing, and although I was pretty street wise i couldn't have predicted what was going to happen ,, she seemed really nice if a bit butch, and I was a bit tiddly she took me to her room in a hotel and said the wanted to handcuff me as she liked her partners powerless to resist... I thought been there done that but hey ho next thing I know she's getting really rough, slapping me about with no stop signal agreed . Luckily the cuffs were through a decorative wooden spindle and I'm a strong lass so I was able to get free and make her unlock me... She seemed so disappointed apparently I'd missed some cues during the evening. Still she needed to explain the damage to the bed when she checked out,, I bet she didn't put that on expenses...
The thick lip and bruised arms took some explaining at work

[Bbbananas]

I cannot say too much, but it was in the Lounge of a public bar. I was pretty drunk and thought death was probable within the next week, and I didn't want to die without one more wild and reckless act, so I asked him to **** me. And he did.

[lankeela]

First ever conquest was when I was just turned 18 and decided I needed to get laid on my first holiday abroad with friends. Only problem was we forgot to lock the hotel room door and all my mates and his mates came rushing into the room while we were in full flight - enough to put you off for life! Don't know who was more embarrassed - me, him or the 'audience'.