Mum Knows Best(They Just Wish Dad Did Too)

[poodicat]

The government is offering a guide on how to be a good parent,their are 670,000 new dads a year,its to help them understand how mums feel during birth and breastfeeding and beyond,but what do mums wish dads knew about bringing up baby?

[cazzz1975]

men are more do'ers than empathisers, I would want their practical help rather than have them listen to me moan about my feelings.

[bobjugs12]

What about what Dad's actually feel? A bit of advice on the whole range of emotions that Dad goes through would be helpful. Especially if the birth was very traumatic for Mother and Baby.

[cazzz1975]

a good point bob, a lot of attention is always given to the mother without considering the dad

[4getmenot]

I think its very good, they are going to be doing classes for them like changing nappies, feeding etc

[poodicat]

Hi cazz,a lady said,i wish my husband had known how being a mum might change me,that i wouldnt be able to shave my legs,go for a night out or be able to watch the news without crying,i wish he understood the old me would re-emerge but it would take time...

[cazzz1975]

ah, yes I see what you mean, that stuff is important

[poodicat]

How true is that...

[bobjugs12]

Poodi, how many books, leaflets and advice is already available for Mum? There is virtually nothing for Dad out there, and the little that is, is about how Dad can help Mum.

During the birth of my eldest, I was taken aside by a doc and told that if they weren't taken for an emergency c-section then I would lose both of them. The only advice I was given was that I needed to be strong for them. There was no concept of the fact that a petrified, naive 20 year old lad was watching the most important person in his world being wheeled into an operating theatre not knowing if either my wife or my daughter would survive. There was no help for me then, and i'd be surprised if there was nowadays.
This is not a selfish statement, just the fact that I didn't know what the flump to do and what to feel.

[poodicat]

Agree totally bobjugs,its about time..

[Barmaid]

My bf went through a similar thing with his second child. Emergency C-section and child had to be resusitated. All care to mum - nothing to dad. He believes to this day his marital problems and the child's severe learning difficulties are due to the birth which he has only just started to deal with. No one listens to him though - the school, the child psychologist, the educational psychologist they all take mum's side and her view is it is all dad's fault. I see him grieving every day and it bloody hurts.

[poodicat]

Barmaid it has to be the mother first, after all she is the one who is giving birth,but understand where you are coming from...

[Barmaid]

I do understand that Poodi - although I have never had that honour myself. However, I do think that if dad was equally involved 11 years later he wouldn't still be trying to deal with this. In any event, mum now blames EVERYTHING on dad so I wonder exactly how much support she was given.

Anyway, dad is now investigating what really went on because he feels that questions need to be answered over his son's birth. this lad is going to need care for the rest of his life and we are not always going to be here.

[poodicat]

You in it for the long haul,respect to you!